Q. How do you murder a salad? A. Go for the carrot-id artery!   PainfulPuns.com - Animal Puns, Farm Humor, Clucking Funny Jokes!

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Q. What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A. A steak out!

Q. What do you call a pig that's wrong? A. Mistaken Bacon!
Q. What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg? A. The bombshell!

Q. Why was the Energizer bunny arrested? A. He was charged with battery!


Criminal Farm Animal Jokes and Pig-Pocket Humor
Track-tour down melony theft puns, potato detective humor, and criminal cucumber jokes.

Farm Crime Jokes, Cow Cop Puns, Bad Veggie LOLs
(Because Celery Stalker Jokes and Swine-dler Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Udder-Cover Cow Cops!)
Warning: Proceed Cautiously! Beet cop jokes, outlaw cabbage grins, water felon LOLs and ham burglar puns ahead.
| Farm Crime LOLs and Cow Cop Jokes | Bull Puns | Cow Puns | Dairy Farm Jokes | Pig Jokes |
| Fun On the Farm Jokes | Farm Music Humor | Farm Chat Ups | Farmer Jokes | Farm Crop Puns |
| Chicken Jokes | Rooster Puns | Horse LOLs | Bad Ass Puns, Donkey Jokes | Baad Sheep Puns |

Q. What do you call fruit that commits egregious crimes? A. A Water-Felon
A chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances. The police suspect fowl play!
Owner of a threatening bull was arrested. He was brought up on charges.

Q. What do you call a serial killer watermelon?
A. A slaughter melon!

Q. What crime was the watermelon thief convicted of?
A. Melony Theft.

Q. Why did the innocent blueberry get framed for the crime?
A. The evidence was a strawberry plant!

Q. Why did the strawberry lose its drives's license?
A. It was always cuasing traffic jams.

Q. How do cops grill a chicken?
A. Repeatedly ask her why she crossed the road last night.

Q. How can you tell a fugitive chicken flew the coop?
A. She's still wearing hen-cuffs!

Q. What does a sneaky criminal chicken spend her time doing?
A. Hatching up a plan.

Did you hear about the chicken farmer who died mysteriously? Investigators suspect fowl play...

Q. Why did the Colorado State Patrol recruit the South Park cow?
A. Because she was a natural at udder cover work.

Q. Why did the bull cop pull over the U-Haul?
A. He wanted to bust a moo-ve.

Q. How do armed cow robbers travel away from the scene of the crime?
A. They take the bullet train.

Q. What did the cow detective wear to the stake out?
A. An udder-wire bra!

Q. why was the pig arrested? A. He was a pig-pocket!
Q. What does a cabbage outlaw have? A. A price on its head!
Q. Why do potatoes make good detectives? A. Because they keep their eyes peeled!

Q. Where are habitual criminal pigs sent?
A. To the Pen.

Q. What do non-vegans call a police officer in a sleeping bag?
A. Pig in a blanket.

Q. Why did the cops pull over a pig?
A. Because he was a road hog!

Q. What's another name for a fat, white cop?
A. Porky Pig.

Did you hear about the vegetable who was acquitted of manslaughter? Yeah, he beet the rap!

Q. Why do garden slugs carry pepper spray with them at night?
A. 'Cause they don't want to be a-salted.

Q. Why was the Colorado chile pepper under constant police surveilance?
A. He was known to Hatch up hot plans.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the celery?
A. For stalking.

Q. Why do potatoes make such clever detectives?
A. They always get to the root of every case.

Q. Why did the red root veggie join the police acadamy?
A. He wanted to be a beet cop.

Q. What is a policeman's favorite summer vegetable?
A. Corn on the cop.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the popcorn?
A. It was charged with a salt and buttery.

Q. Why can't cows become detectives? A. Because they refuse to go on steak-outs!
Q. What is it called when a sheep rustler escapes from jail? A. On the Lam
Q. What do you call a pig thief? A. A Hamburglar!

Q. What is the ultimate vehicle for doing detective work on a farm?
A. A track-tor.

A state trooper pulled over a farmer on a rural road and said, "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the truck a mile ago?" The farmer replied, "Thank God, I thought I was going deaf."

Q. Which TV show features cops solving crimes committed by garden gnomes?
A. Lawn Order.

Q. Why did the lamb call the police?
A. He'd been fleeced!

Q. Why was the lamb arrested on the freeway?
A. Because she did a ewe turn.

Q. Why did the cop ticket the sheep?
A. Because she was a really baaad driver.

Q. What do you call it if a criminal is being fed awful sheep meat while in jail?
A. Mutton for punishment.

Q. Why was the pig serving time in jail?
A. For being a swine-dler.

Q. What do Denverites call the cop comedian at Comedy Works who does legal joint jokes?
A. Pig Roast.

Q. Where do hog criminals do hard time?
A. At the pig pen.

Q. Which kind of criminal do you gett if you cross a baby chick and an alley cat?
A. A Peeping Tom.

Why did the cucumber need a lawyer? Because it was in a pickle1
Q. What happens if you drop a hand gren-egg? A. It egg-splodes!
Q. What do you call it when one bull spies on another? A. A steak out!

Q. What did the police call the fugitive pickle in disguise?
A. The Emerald Pimper-dill.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the cucumber and charge it with DWI?
A. Because it was obviously pickled.

Cop: Why did you dump these vegetables on my desk?
Criminal: Because you said it was time to spill the beans.

Q. What do you call a duck that steals?
A. A Robber Ducky.

Q. What did the duck detective say?
A. I have quacked the case!

Q. Why did the cops give a ticket to the chicken who pecked her way across the road?
A. For exceeding the feed limit.

Q. Why was the turkey back in prison?
A. Because he was a jail bird.

Q. Why did the chicken criminal released from jail on her personal recognizance?
A. 'Cause she wasn't a flight risk.

Q. What do you call it when a cow satellite observes Mars?
A. A spaced out steak out.

Steak Out Hookup Line: Let's go back to my place for some further udder-cover work.

Q. What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A. When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.

Q. What happens if an outlaw chicken eats gunpowder?
A. She lays hen-gren-eggs.

Q. What did the secret agent cow ask the other cow? A. Are you udder cover?
Did you hear about the carrot detective? It got to the root of every case!
Q. Where do cows get their weapons? A. At ar-moo-ries!

Q. Why was the little rubber duck arrested by the park police?
A. He was a bird-lery suspect.

Q. What was the ultimate goal of the police detective duck?
A. He wanted to quack the case!

Q. Which animal has an asshole halfway up his back?
A. A police horse.

Q. Who were the most legendary horse thieves?
A. Bonnie and Clydesdale.

Q. What does a criminal New Mexico chile do to deal with the heat?
A. Hatch up a plan.

Q. What do you call a fruit that's been in and out of jail, and in and out of jail again?
A. A bad apple.

Q. What does a strangler serial killer eat for dessert?
A. Garrote Cake.

Q. What did the tough carrot say to the rabbit thug?
A. So, you wanna piece of me?

Q. What is an inmate's least favorite fresh farm veggie?
A. Celery.

Q. Which nut always roots forf the good guys?
A. Almond the side of the law!

Q. Which animal always has an alibi?
A. An escape goat.

Q. Which sport entails rounding up and stealing cattle as a form of dramatic entertainment?
A. Professional rustling.

Q. Why did the janitor call DPD to Coors Field during the Rockies game?
A. Somebody was selling Rocky Mountain Oysters in the stands, and he didn't want to clean up all the vomit after the balls dropped.

Q. Which kind of slicing tomato is a famous prison inmate?
A. A Cell-ibrity.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A. You cry when you cut an onion.

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