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What did the alien say when he landed at a stud farm? Take me to your breeder!
Q. Why didn't anyone laugh at the gardener's jokes? A. Because they were too corny!

You might be from Colorado if you highly recomment the Rocky Mountain Oysters to your visiting in-laws!
Q. Which farm animal turns into a superhero at night? A. This sheep is Baaman!

Hulk with Pot Leaves: Old Growers Never Die, They Just Go to Seed


Farmer Jokes, Agrarian Humor, Farming Puns
Harvest funny farmer jokes, cultivated cavorting puns, farming humor and home grown grins.

Farmer Humor, Funny Farm Jokes, Grower Grins
(Because Big City Jokes and Pavement Puns Are TOO Mainstream for Green Grocers and Farmer's Daughters!)
Warning: Farm Fertilizer Present. Farmers, Watch Where You Walk! The smell isn't the most painful stench here.
| Farmer Jokes | Farmer's Market Jokes | Farm Crop Puns | Veggie Growing Puns | Melon Patch |
| Corn Jokes | Carrot Jokes | Potato Puns | Criminal Farm Jokes | Pig Puns | Chicken Jokes |
| Dairy Farm Jokes | Cow Puns | Horse Humor | Farm Music | Fun On the Farm | Farm Hookups |

Q. What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer? A. Show us your calves!Why did the chicken cross the road? Dammin Jim! I'm a doctor, not a farmer! - Bones McCoyWhy Did the Farmer Quit? His celery wasn't high enough!

Did you know that farmers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, turnip the covers and endive into bed?

Q. How did the farmer find his lost cow?
A. He tractor down.

Grain farmers have a tough life. They barley survive wheat to wheat.

When the farmer's wife said she was leaving him because of his unhealthy obsession with plants, he asked: "Where is this stemming from, my sweet blossom?"

Today's Bit of Farm Wisdom: Never throw in the trowel!

Farmer Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I'd like to harvest you during peak season.

Q. Where does a farmer get his medicine?
A. At the farm-acy!

Retro Hippie Farmer Thought of the Day: Bean thinking how up-beet I yam about all the growing peas and love, man.

Q. What do farmers use to create crop circles?
A. A Protractor.

Texas Farm House Point to Ponder: If it's chili inside, should you turnip the heat?

My wife's a water sign. I'm an earth sign. Together we make mud.
– Rodney Dangerfield

Rancher Pick-Up Line: Hey gal, of all the beautiful faces out there, I just can't get pastures.

Q. What do you get if you cross a robot and a tractor?
A. A Trans-farmer!

Q. Why was the farmer so teffified by his pumpkins?
A. Because after he watered the seeds, they grew some and then grew some more!

Did you hear about the farmer who tried to save money by inventing a pig-powered tractor? He had to scrap the idea because every time he turned a corner, the tires squealed.

I tried to navigate the farmer's field, but it was a maize!

Pick Up a Farmer Line: Hey big guy, if you were a tractor and I was a plow, I'd definitely hook up with you.

Farm Humor: An Expert Farmer is Outstanding in His FieldQ. What's the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer? A dressmaker sews what she gathers and a farmer gathers what he sows!Q. Why don't cows have any money? A. Because farmers milk them dry!

Q. Why is it hard to keep secrets on a farm?
A. Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.

Q. What's the best part of urban gardening?
A. Getting down and dirty with the hoes.

Q. What does a farmer call a rooster that's trained to remove corn husks?
A. A cock shucker.

Q. How does a hog farmer get to the county fair?
A. He rides piggyback.

Q. What did the strawberry plant say to the farmer?
A. Stop picking on me!

Pick Up a Farmer Line: Hey big guy, is that a phone in your pocket, or is your rooster happy to see me?

Q. How does a farmer produce a party on Saturday night?
A. By turning up the beet!

Q. Why did the farmer decide he needef a career change?
A. 'Cause the work was sow, sow.

Q. Why did the the blonde farmer wear dark glasses?
A. Because she was growing sunflowers!

Q. Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar?
A. He wanted sweet and sour pork.

Q. Where do farmers send their children?
A. Kinder-garden!

Farmer Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, was your daddy a pumpkin? 'Cause you are lookin' so gourdgeous.

Q. If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather?
A. An umbrella!

Q. What do they call the business head at Old MacDonald's Farm?

Q. Why did the farmer feed his chickens crayons at Easter time?
A. He hoped they'd lay colored eggs.

Q. Why do cowboys always die with their boots on?
A. So they won't stub their toes when they kick the bucket.

Farm Nutrition Point to Ponder: Are cows actually two of the four food groups?

Farmer Pick-Up Line: Hey Bess, you've got beautiful calves.

Q. Why was teh rancher arrested at the gym? A. He was hurting his calves!Q. How are pirates and strawberry farmers different? A. A pirate buries his treasure but a farmer treasures his berries!Q. Why did the farmer stand on top of a grain-separating machine? A. He wanted to get a thresh perspective!

Q. What happened when the farmers installed wind turbines on the farm?
A. They created an energy field.

Q. What is a farmer's favorite Bruce Springsteen song?
A. Born in the USDA.

Q. What does a farmer name his cow?
A. Pat.

Q. Who takes care of the farm when the farmer is sick?
A. The pharmacist!

Farming Point to Ponder: If I bought an ant farm, where would I find a tractor that small?

Pick Up a Farmer Line: Hey big fella, Is your name John Deere? 'Cause I'm totally a-tractored to ya'll.

Popeye Farming Thought of the Day: I think, therefore I yam what I yam.

Q. How did the farmer's wife tell him that she was running off with a tractor salesman?
A. She left him a Deere John letter.

Q. What new crop did the farmer plant?
A. Beets me...

Q. What did the farmer get when he crossed an owl and a goat?
A. A Hoot-n-nanny!

Did you hear about the farmer whose son hated the country and got a job in the city as a shoe shine boy? The farmer made hay while the son shone.

Farmer Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, those roses aren't the only thing with a long stem.

Q. What did the pig do after the farmer said, "Hogwash?"
A. It took a bath.

Q. How are some farmers cruel?
A. They pull corn by the ears!

Q. What do you say to an Iowa farmer whose crop is knee-high by the 4th of July?
A. Corn-gratulations!

Q. Why did the farmer plow his field with a steam roller?
A. He wanted mashed potatoes.

Q. Which vegetable might you find in a farmhouse basement?
A. Cellar-y.

Farmer Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, how'd you like to switch gears on my tractor?

Gnome McDonald Pranked the Farm, sing it again!Hulk Says: Yuck, I just stepped in a big pile of Monday!Gnome MacDonald, Bought the Farm.

Q. What did the farmer say when he lost one of his cows?
A. Darn, what a mis-steak!

Q. How did a farmer fix his torn jeans?
A. With a cabbage patch.

Did you hear about the farmer who wondered if growing sorghum could cause gingivitis?

Q. Why did the blonde farmer plant each potato in a paper lunch bag?
A. She wanted to keep the dirt out of their eyes!

Farmer's Market Point to Ponder: How can you compare apples and oranges by their nutritional values?

Q. Which vegetable could tie your stomach into knots?
A. String beans.

Q. Which farm animal keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.

Q. Why was the farmer arguing with the pushy fertilizer salesman?
A. 'Cause there was only so much bullshit he was willing to take.

Q. Why did the farmer win the Nobel Prize?
A. He was truly outstanding in his field.

Q. Why did the farmer name his pig "Ink?"
A. Because it always ran out of the pen.

Q. What is a farmer's favorite party game?
A. Truth or Dairy!

Q. How can you tell an organic farmer is a true expert?
A. He is out standing in his manure!

Farming Point to Ponder: Can Bok bring you Choy? If so, then Lettuce all smile!

Q. Why did the farmer's corn wrongly get sent to jail?
A. For stalking the sweet peas.

Q. When is a farmer a magician?
A. When he turns the cows into the pasture.

When asked if it's easy to milk a cow, the farmer replied, "Sure, any jerk can do it."

Q. Why was the farmer so stressed out?
A. He had a high thresher job!

Q. What did the aging farmer say to his wife on Valentine's Day?
A. Like a prune, you aren't getting better looking, but you are getting sweeter!

Q. Why did Santa Claus say when he visited the farm?
A. Hoe, Hoe, Hoe!

Q. What did carrots say to parsnips during the veggie race?
A. Lettuce rest. I'm feeling beet.

Q. Why did the cranberry farmer quit his job?
A. Because the work kept him so bogged down.

Q. Why did the cow jump over the moon? A. Because the farmer had cold hands!Q. What did a farmer give his wife on Valentine's Day? A. Hogs and kisses!Q. Why did the farmer make the pigs do paperwork? A. Because it was grunt work!

Q. What does a farmer talk about while milking his cows?
A. Oh, just udder nonsense.

Q. How did the gnome farmer fix his torn jeans?
A. With a cabbage patch.

Did you hear about the farmer who wanted to buy 1000 hens, but didn't have the money? He decided to just put them on layaway.

Q. Why didn't the farmer's horse run faster than a trot through the melon field?
A. Because he cant-a-lope.

Q. Which fruit crop is not afraid to take a swim?
A. Watermelon!

Q. Which hearty root veggie crop produces sugar and smiles?
A. Beets me?

Q. What is a happy farmer's favorite candy?
A. Jolly Rancher.

Q. What did the needy pig say to the farmer?
A. "You take me for grunted."

Farmer: Why can't you make bread like my mother?
Wife: Why can't you make dough like my father?

Q. What did the farmer get when he crossed a relative with a fruit?
A. Granny Smith.

Q. Which new dating website is for retired lemon growers?
A. Sour Time.

Q. Why didn't the angry farmer divorce his wife when she traded their prize milking cow for a book of poetry?
A. Because he vowed to love her for butter or verse.

Q. What do ya'll get if ya divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A. Pumpkin Pi!

Q. What did the farmer say when his big fat pig couldn't fit into its pen?
A. There's more here than meets the sty.

Q. What did the farmer get when he crossed a chilie pepper, a shovel, and a dachshund?
A. A hot diggity dog!

Q. Why did the Alabama farmer plant yeast in his field?
A. So the South can rise again!

Q. Which veggie is the favorite of farmer chickens?
A. Egg-Plant.

Pick Up a Farmer Line: Hey big fella, you are one fine piece of acreage.

Q. What does a watermelon order at the bar?
A. Rum and cuke.

Q. What did the nut say when it sneezed?
A. Cashew!

| Farmer Jokes | Farmer's Market Jokes | Farm Crop Puns | Veggie Growing Puns | Melon Patch |
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| Chicken Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Chicken Cross the Road | Rooster Puns | Goose Jokes | Duck Puns |
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