Q. What does a thunder cloud give out on Valentine's Day? A. A box of shock-lates!   PainfulPuns.com - Holiday Puns, Silly Seasonal Jokes, Happy Days

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Q. Do you have a date for Valentine's Day? A. Yes. February 14!
Q. What does a locksmith say to his love on Valentine's Day? A. You hold the key to my heart!
Q. What happened when two vampires met? A. Love At First Bite!
Hey Gnirl, Please Brie My Valentine?
Q. What do you say to your coffee lover on Valentine's Day? A. Words cannot espresso what you mean to me!
Q. How does a vampire ask for a date? A. Let's go out for a bite!

 


VD Day Humor, Valentine's Day Jokes, Lovely Puns
Pick Up on sweetheart puns, love humor, February 14 laughs and My Funny Valentine jokes.

Valentine's Day Jokes and Funny Valentines
(Because VD Jokes, Loving Puns, and Funny Pick Up Lines Could Never Be TOO Mainstream on Valentine's Day!)
Warning: Hook Up at Your Own Risk! Overly sweet humor, amorous jokes, and loverly puns ahead.
| Valentine's Day Jokes and Funny Valentines | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Valentine VD Pick-Up Lines |
| Dating Jokes and Hookup Humor | Steady Relationship Jokes | Lover Jokes and Love Puns |
| Marriage Jokes, Engaging Wedding Humor | Divorce Jokes | Breakup Jokes, Dateless Puns |

| Poem Puns and Poetic Jokes | Gnome Dating Jokes | Hump Day Humor | Wine Lovers Jokes |
| Astrology Jokes | Mile High Club Jokes | Sax and Violins Puns | Social Media Jokes |

Q. Why does a chef give his lady pastry on Valentine's Day? A. He cannoli love her!Q. Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? A. She didn't suit his taste!What is the difference between a calendar and you? A. The calendar has a date on Valentine's Day!

Q. What did the blueberry say to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day?
A. You blue me away and I love you berry much.

Q. What do you get if you cross a hungry dog and a Valentine?
A. A card that says, "I Love You Drooly!"

Q. Why did the confirmed bachelor wear a gasmask on Valentine's Day?
A. He heard love was in the air.

VD Day Pick-Up Line: Babe, do you know what this shirt is made of? Boyfriend material.

Q. Why shouldn't you give your heart to a pastry chef on Valentine's Day?
A. Because he'll dessert you!

Q. What did the chef say to the hot chick on VD Day?
A. You know what's on tonight's menu? ME-N-U.

Q. What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
A. Lots of ughs and kisses.

Q. Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend on Valentine's Day?
A. She just didn't suit his taste.

Creepy Valentine's Day Pick-Up Line: Babe, I don't need Twitter 'cause I'm already following you.

Magical Valentine's Day Pick-Up Line: Hey, let's flip a coin. Heads, I'm yours. Tails, you're mine.

Q. Which Valentine's Day candy is exclusively for girls?
A.
Her-She's Kisses.

Q. Why did the banana go out with a prune on Valentine's Day?
A.
It couldn't find a date.

Q. What do you call a two lovebirds on a cyber date on Valentine's Day?
A. Tweet Hearts.

VD Day Pick-Up Line: Babe, I'm going to give you a kiss. If you don't like it, you can just return it.

Q. What did the light bulb say to the switch on Valentine's Day?
A. Yeah baby, you really turn me on!

Q. What did the pickle say to another on Valentie's Day? A. You mean a great dill to me!Oh, just admit it! Valentine's day makes you crabby, too!Q. What is the best thing about Valentine's Day? A. The day after, when chocoate goes on sale!

Valentine's Day Pick-Up Line: Hey there, my feet are cold 'cause you just knocked my socks off.

Q. What did one root vegetable say to the other on Valentine's Day?
A. I dig you 'cause you make my heart beet faster.

Anti Valentine's Day Poem: I'm not yours, you're not mine, so would you be my Anti Valentine?

Breast Man's Valentine's Day Pick-Up Line: Babe, if you were a chicken, you'd be im-peck-able.

Q. What do you call romance in a fish tank on Valentine's Day?
A. Guppy Love.

Q. What did on oar say to the other on Valentine's Day?
A.
Can I interest you in a little row-mance?

Q. What did Orca say to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day?
A. Whale you be mine?

Hairy Funny Anti Valentine's Day Thought of the Day: Screw you Cupid, I have cats!

Q. Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of chocolates?
A. Because it was Valenswine's Day!

Q. What did the carpet salesman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
A.
Rugs and Kisses.

Valentine's Day Pick-Up Line: Babe, you are so sweet, you could put Hershey's out of business.

VD Day meoP: The roses are dead, the violets are wilted, it's Valentine's Day, and I've been jilted.

Q. What did the painter say to his lover on Valentine's Day? A. I love you with all my art!Q. What did the Valentine's Day card say to the stamp? A. Stick with me and you'll go places!Q. What did one watermelon say to another on Valentine's Day? A. You're on in a melon!

Nerd Valentine's Day Pick-Up Line: Hey Lady, you must be a keyboard, 'cause you're just my type.

Q. How do many nerdy Star Wars fans end up spending Valentine's Day?
A. Hans, Solo.

Q. If your aunt runs off to get married on Valentine's Day, what do you call her?
A. Antelope.

Valentine's Day Pick-Down Line: Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be alone than be with you.

Q. What does a garden gnome call his gal on February 14?
A. A Valen-tiny.

Q. What did the paper clip say to the magnet on Valentine's Day?
A. I'm very attracted to you!

Q. What did the lamp say to the light bulb on Valentine's Day?
A. I love you a watt!

Q. Who is Cupid's favorite superhero?
A. Arrow.

VD Day Truth: If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember nobody loves you any other day of the year either.

Q. What did the TicTac say to the Certs on Valentine's Day?
A. We are mint to be together.

Q. How was the blonde like Valentine's Day candy?
A. She was half sweet and half nuts.

Q. Why is Romaine the most loving lettuce?
A. Because it's all heart.

Anti Valentine's Day Point to Ponder: Is LOVE the seventh sense, the one that destroys the legit six senses?

Q. What did the great horned avian say to his sweetie on Valentine's Day?
A. Owl be yours, if hoot be mine.

Q. What did Mt. Vesuvius say to his hot girlfriend, Mt. Etna, on Valentine's Day?
A. I lava you very much.

Roses are red, violets are blue, if he's usy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you!I hate Valentine's Day! So did my ex wife!Q. What did toast say to its topping on Valentine's Day? A. You're my butter half!

Q. What did the bewitching webmaster say to her guy on Valentine's Day?
A. Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, this is a HEX just for you.

VD Day Pick-Up Line: Baby, you are so attractive that even my zipper is falling for you.

Q. How does Cupid deal with a Cyberman on Valentine's Day?
A. He just shoots him with a golden arrow.

Valentine's Day Dis: I kissed my prince and he turned into a frog.

Q. What do elephants exchange with each other on Valentine's Day?
A. Forget-Me-Nuts.

Q. What did the farmer give his wife on Valentine's Day?
A. Hogs and kisses.

Funny As Hell Valentine's Day Pick-Up Line: Hello, are you religious? 'Cause you're the answer to all my prayers.

Valentine's Day Pick-Down Line: I won't be giving you my heart today, but there's another organ you may be interested in.

Q. What did the straight line say to the tight angle on Valentine's Day?
A.
I think you're acute!

Q. What happened to the bed bugs that hooked up on Valentine's Day?
A. They got married in the spring.

Q. What did the steamy hot coffee say to the coffee pot on Valentine's Day?
A. I perked up when I met you!

Valentine's Day Pick-Up Line: Hey Baby, let's make like fabric softener and Snuggle.

Q. What did the java junkie say to his honey on Valentine's Day?
A. Mere words cannot espresso what you mean to me.

Q. What did the Vampire prostitute say to her date on Valentine's Day?
A. You suck less than the others.

Q. Why shouldn't you give your heart to a bakery owner on Valentine's Day?
A. Because he'll likely just dessert you!

| Valentine's Day Jokes and Funny Valentines | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Valentine VD Pick-Up Lines |
| Dating Jokes and Hookup Humor | Steady Relationship Jokes | Lover Jokes and Love Puns |
| Marriage Jokes, Engaging Wedding Humor | Divorce Jokes | Breakup Jokes, Dateless Puns |

| Poem Puns and Poetic Jokes | Gnome Dating Jokes | Hump Day Humor | Wine Lovers Jokes |
| Astrology Jokes | Mile High Club Jokes | Sax and Violins Puns | Social Media Jokes |
| Holiday Party Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Happy Birthday Party Humor | Gnome Holiday Party Jokes |
| St. Patrick's Day Jokes | Spring Holidays Jokes | Happy 420 Jokes | Party Animal Puns |
| Hot Summer Holiday Jokes | Halloween Jokes | Halloween Treats | Spooky Come-Ons |
| Thanksgiving Jokes | Christmas Jokes | Xmas Chat Ups | Xmas Music Puns | Xmas Animals |
| New Year's Eve Jokes | Winter Humor | Winter Hookup Lines | Daily Jokes | Daily Pick-Ups |
| Sunday Puns | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday Funs | Saturday LOLs |

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