Q. Why did the confirmed bachelor wear a mask on Valentine's Day?
A. He heard love was in the air.

Anti Valentine's Day Point to Ponder: Is LOVE the seventh sense, the one that destroys the legit six senses?

Q. What did the Vampire prostitute say to her date on Valentine's Day?
A. You suck less than the others.

Valentine's Day Pick-Down Line: Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be alone than be with you.

Q. Can February March?
A. No, but April May...

Hairy Funny Anti Valentine's Day Thought of the Day: Screw you Cupid, I have cats!

VD Day Point to Ponder: If Love is blind, why is lingerie so hot?

Q. Which day of the week creates the most alternative energy?
A. Winds Day.

Q. What is an unanticipated result of a great Taco Tuesday?
A. Wet Fart Wednesday.

Q. Why did the camel say about mid-week jokes at the office?
A. The only way I can get through Wednesday is by avoiding people who call it Hump Day.

Q. Which kind of bread should you eat on Wednesdays?
A. Humpernickel.

Q. What do you call a camel with no humps?
A. Humphrey.

Q. Which Wednesday is the all-time best of them all?
A. Wednesday Addams.

Q. What is the best thing about February 14?
A. On February 15, all the chocolate goes on sale!

Valentine's Day Dis: I kissed my prince and he turned into a frog.

Anti Valentine's Day Poem: I'm not yours, you're not mine, so would you be my Anti Valentine?

VD Day Moep: The roses are dead, the violets are wilted, it's Valentine's Day, and I've been jilted.

Valentine's Day Pick-Down Line: I won't be giving you my heart today, but there's another organ you may be interested in.

VD Day Truth: If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember nobody loves you any other day of the year either.

Q. Who was the Irish guy bouncing off the pub walls on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Rick O'Shay.

St. Patrick's Day Point to Ponder: If you drink green beer on St. Patrick's Day, is that considered a vegetable?

Q. Why do little space men always turn green when they land on Earth?
A. Turbulence, and beer on St. Patrick's Day!

Alien Point to Ponder: Would an Earthling pinch a naked green alien on St. Patrick's Day?

Q. What do you call a big Irish spider?
A. Paddy-Long-Legs.

Q. What do ghosts drink on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Boos!

Q. Why do frogs love St. Patrick's Day?
A. Because they're already wearing green!

Q. What did the blonde say on March 17?
A. Irish you a Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Q. What do you call a fake Irish stone?
A. A shamrock.

Q. How can you tell an Irishman had a fun St. Patrick's Day?
A. He's Dublin over with laughter.

Q. Which musical instrument did the show-off leprechaun play on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Brag-pipes.

Q. What do you get if you cross St. Patrick's Day and Christmas?
A. St. O'Claus!

Q. What do you get if you cross a pillowcase and a stone?
A. A Sham Rock!

Q. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's day?
A. Real rocks are too heavy.

Q. Why can't you iron a four-leaf clover?
A. You shouldn't press your luck!

Q. Which green drink do horny leprechauns drink on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Mount 'N Do.

Q. Why did the blonde say "NO" when her boyfriend proposed on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Because she didn't want a shamrock.

St. Patrick's Day Pick-Up Line: Hey Babe, I'm ready to sham rock your world!

Q. When is Rest-Day?
A. The day you sit around thinking about the rest of the week.

Q. When is the official Rest Day holiday?
A. 420.

Q. What did the blonde bodybuilder always contemplate while training?
A. Where is the Rest Muscle, and why do you have to train it?

Q. What is Rest Day?
A. The day you go to the gym and the only workout you get is posting pics to social media.

Q. What is a Sumo athlete's favorite day?
A. Wrest Day.

Too Tired Point to Ponder: Why would a trainer at the gym need a rest day?

Q. What is a gung-ho cop's favorite day of the week?
A. Arrest-Day.

Q. What is a bassoon player's least favorite day of the week?
A. Rest Day.

Q. When do big boys and girls jump on the trampoline?
A. Spring Break.

Q. On which February holiday do pigs elect their new leader?
A. Crowned Hog Day!

Q. How is the letter A like a Spring flower?
A. Both have a Bee coming after them.

Q. How did the gardener feel about Spring?
A. He was so excited that he wet his plants!

Q. How can you tell spring is here?
A. Your squirrel's nuts have thawed out.

Q. Which monster should you fear on April 1?
A. Prankenstein!

Q. What's the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool's Day?
A. On one you're thankful, on the other you're prankful!

Q. What did the blonde say when asked if she knew about April 1?
A. Yes, I'm fooly aware of it!

Q. Why is everybody so tired on April 1?
A. Because they just finished a long 30-day March!

Q. Where does the Easter Bunny eat breakfast?
A. At IHOP.

Q. What do you call a mischievious Easter egg?
A. A practical yolker!

Q. How does the Easter Bunny always stay so fit?
A. He eggs-ercises.

Q. Why did the Easter egg hide?
A. Because it was a little chicken.

Q. What does the Easter Bunny get for making a basket?
A. Two points.

Q. How do we know the Easter Bunny IS really smart?
A. Because he's an egghead!

Q. What happened when the Easter Bunny misbehaved at school?
A. He was egg-spelled!

Q. How do you send a letter to the Easter Bunny?
A. Via Hare Mail.

Q. When do monkey's fall from the sky?
A. During Ape-ril showers.

Q. Why is Friday so popular?
A. Because her two best friends are Saturday and Sunday!

Fried Day Thought of the Week: Ya know, I'd dread Friday the 13th even more if it was on Monday!

Q. What is the laid-back guy's favorite day at the office?
A. Casual Friday.

Q. Where does a skeleton go to party after work on Friday night?
A. A hip joint.

Q. Which holiday has a title?
A. Doc.

Q. What do you call a week without Wednesday?
A. Humphrey.

Radioactive Wednesday Thought of the Day: Moanday and Tootsday are over and done with. Now we have to get through is Thirstday and Fried-day.

Nothing screws up your Friday like realizing it's only Wednesday!

Q. How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for two days, and ride out on Friday?
A. His horse's name is Friday!

Q. What did Crusoe say to his fellow castaway once a week?
A. Thank God, it's Friday.

One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.  However, the only person to get his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

Q. Why is your dog always so happy?
A. Because every day is Friday to him!

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