Q. What do you call buying a piano for the holidays? A. Christmas Chopin!   PainfulPuns.com - Holiday Puns, Silly Seasonal Jokes, Happy Days

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Q. Why doesn't Santa have any children? A. He only comes once a year, and when he does it's down a chimney!
Q. How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb? A. Eight. One to crew in the bulb, and seven to hold Rudolph down!
Q. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A. Claus-Trophobic!
Q. What do you call an incomplete Christams sentence? A. Satna Clause!
Q. Why did Santa send his daughter to college? A. To keep her off the North Pole!

 


Xmas Puns, Santa Claus Jokes, Holiday Humor
Unwrap funny Christmas jokes, naughty puns, and nice humor. You're home for the holidays!

Christmas Jokes, Santa Puns, Xmas Humor
(Because Cold Xmas Gifts and Ugly Christmas Sweaters Are TOO Mainstream and Usually NOT At All Funny!)
Warning: Noel at Your Own Risk! Merry Christmas Jokes, Happy Holidays Humor, and Xmas Rated Puns Ahead!
| Nice Christmas Jokes and Merry Naughty Xmas Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| Santa Claus Jokes | 2 | Elf 'n Funny Puns | Christmas Animal Jokes | Holiday Reindeer Puns |
| Christmas Music Jokes | Xmas Come-Ons | 2 | Weather Humor | 2 | Colorado Weather Puns |
| Snow Jokes | Snowman Jokes | Winter Humor | 2 | 3 | Winter Hookup Lines | Skiing Jokes |

Q. What do you call cutting down a Christmas tree? A. Christmas Chopping!Q. What do you call the wrapping paper after opening gifts? A. Christmess!Q. How is Christmas just like your job? A. You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit!

Q. What did the reindeer say before starting his stand-up comedy act?
A. This joke will absolutely sleigh you!

Q. Why is Mrs. Claus so jolly?
A. She jingles all the cabernet while Santa's on his sleigh!

Q. What do you call the last Christmas carol pun here that just isn't funny?
A. The First No-LOL!

Q. Why does Batman hate the song Jinglebells?
A. Because Batman does NOT smell!

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Whoa! What's a nice girl like you doing on my Naughty List tonight?

Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping.

Q. What do you call a musically gifted elf?
A. A Christmas Rap Artist!

Q. What do mummies listen to on Christmas Eve?
A. Wrap Music!

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Hey Baby, let's pretend to be presents and get laid under the tree.

Q. How are the Grinch and Cybermen alike?
A. They both desire to delete Christmas from Whoville.

Q. Why is Santa always so jolly?
A. Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Q. Why does Mrs. Santa enjoy the Christmas season so much?
A. Because it's the most wine-derful time of the year!

Q. What does Mrs. Claus say to Santa before he leaves for the day?
A. Ho, ho, ho. Merlot Christmas!

Q. What does a Secret Santa give a kid who is obsessed by NASCAR and Star Wars?
A. A toy Yoda.

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Hey, let's both be naughty this year and save Santa the trip.

Q. Why did the Grinch go to the liqour store? A. He was looking for the holiday spirit!Q. What happened to the guy who stole an Advent calendar? A. He got 25 days!Q. What do weirdos and Christmas have in common? A. Furitcake!

Xmas Party Pick-Up Line: Baby, if I was the Grinch, I'd steal you instead of Christmas.

Q. What do they serve after the little drummer boy performs?
A. Rum Rum Rum Rum Rum.

Q. What's in the potent Christmas cocktail called Little Drummer Boy?
A. One part rum, three parts rum pum.

Q. Why didn't the little drummer boy get into heaven?
A. He woke up the baby, for Christ's sake!

Q. Why did the blonde apply for a gift-wrapping job at the North Pole?
A. Because she was a knotty girl.

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Babe, know what's missing from your RRY CHRISTMAS? It's ME!

Q. What do you call bankrupt Santa?
A. St. Nickel-less.

Q. What do you call somebody who is very good at hand-crafting unique Christmas presents?
A. Gifted.

Q. What is the best thing to put into a Christmas fruit cake?
A. Your teeth.

Q. What is a zombie's favorite holiday beverage?
A. Egg noggin.

Q. What did the Christmas holiday baker put on the gingerbread man's bed?
A. A cookie sheet.

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Hey Baby, I've got you on my Nice and Naughty List!

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens? A. So he can ho ho ho!Q. What do you call Santa's helpers? A. Subordinate Clauses!Q. What nationality is Santa Claus? A. North Polish!

Q. How do we know Santa is a man?
A. He shows up late, eats your cookies, empties his sack, calls you a ho, and leaves while you're sleeping.

Holiday Pick-Up Line: Do you have a boyfriend? 'Cause I Kwanza be yo bae.

Q. What do you get if you cross Father Christmas and a detective?
A. Santa Clues.

Wine Lovers Holiday Wish: May all your Christmases be white, or red!

Q. What do you call it when Santa ends up at the South Pole?
A. A Lost Claus.

Q. What does Santa take if he's not feeling well on Christmas eve?
A. A chill pill.

Q. What do you call a jolly old dog who works at the North Pole?
A. Santa Paws.

Q. What kind of wine does Rudolph the Reindeer prefer?
A. Red! Unless he's on a rooftop, then White!

Q. Why was Santa cast in a musical?
A. Because he had stage presents.

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Does watching Miracle on 34th Street make you Santa-mental, too?

Q. What is Santa's favorite snack food?
A. Crisp Pringles.

Q. How does Mrs. Claus endure living at the North Pole?
A. She's enjoys living in a Wine-ter Wonderland!

Q. What vaccination does Santa get before Christmas eve? A. Shingles!Q. What do you call a singing elf with sideburns? A. Elfis!Q. Why does Scrooge love all the reindeer? A. Because every buck is dear to hin!

Q. Which condition might you suffer from if you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsel-itis!

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Boy, you must be Santa Claus! 'Cause you think you're a gift in and of yourself.

Q. Which occupation always has to wear a suit a work?
A. Santa.

Q. What do you call last-minute holiday shoppers waiting in line to make their purchases?
A. Buy-standers.

Q. Where does Santa Claus keep his money?
A. At the Snow Bank.

Q. Which kind of pizza is best to order on Christmas?
A. Cheeses Crust.

Q. What do you call a lot of tinsel draped around a Christmas tree?
A. A fir coat.

Q. What does Tarzan sing at Christmas time?
A. Jungle Bells.

Christmas Pick-Up Line: Babe, is your name Jingle Bells? 'Cause you look like you'd go all the way.

Q. What is the name of the one race horse in Jingle Bells?
A. Bob. (Bells on Bob's Tail Ring.)

Q. Why did Santa take 22 reindeer to Walmart?
A. What he was buying cost around 20 bucks, but he thought it wise to bring along some extra doe.

Q. Why don't reindeer enjoy picnics?
A. Because of all the ant-lures.

Q. What does a sheep that doesn't like Christmas say?
A. Baaaa Humbug!

Cheap Christmas Pick-Up Line: Hey bae, you wanna Scrooge?

Q. What should you do if you want the White Christmas singer to come along?
A. Bring Cosby!

| Nice Christmas Jokes and Merry Naughty Xmas Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| Santa Claus Jokes | 2 | Elf 'n Funny Puns | Christmas Animal Jokes | Holiday Reindeer Puns |
| Christmas Music Jokes | Xmas Come-Ons | 2 | Weather Jokes | 2 | Colorado Weather Puns |
| Snow Jokes | Snowman Jokes | Winter Humor | 2 | 3 | Winter Hookup Lines | Skiing Jokes |
| Holiday Party Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Happy Birthday Party Humor | Gnome Holiday Party Jokes |
| Valentine's Day Jokes | VD Pick-Up Lines | St. Patrick's Day Jokes | Spring Holidays Jokes |
| 420 Jokes | Summer Holiday Jokes | Halloween Jokes | Halloween Treats | Spooky Come-Ons |
| Thanksgiving Jokes | Party Animal Puns | Daily Jokes | Daily Pick-Up Lines | Sunday Puns |
| Monday Jokes | Tuesday | Wednesday Puns | Thursday Humor | Friday Funs | Saturday LOLs |

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You've unwrapped this gift, so here's even more holiday cheer, festive jokes,
Xmas-rated humor and occasionally painful puns to make your day merry:

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