Q. Which Christmas carol is the classic favorite of parents?
A. Silent Night.

A classic Christmas carol told me to Deck the Halls, so I did. Harold and Hugo are not at all happy.

Q. What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the normal alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NO L!

Q. Why are sopranos so good at Christmas shopping?
A. They always manage to get descant prices without getting into treble.

Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
A. Claus-trophobic.

Q. Why does St. Nick like the Temptations' version of Silent Night best?
A. Because Santa Was a Rolling Stone.

Q. Why can't you trust baked goods during the holidays?
A. It might be minced spy!

Q. Which kind of pizza do mice always order on Christmas eve?
A. Cheeses Crust.

Q. What do you call an elf wearing earmuffs?
A. Whatever. He can't hear you anyway!

Q. What did the blonde say to her date when she looked out the window on Christmas Eve?
A. It looks like rein, dear.

Q. What do you call a bad puppy on Christmas?
A. Feliz Naughty Dog!

Q. What do hip hop artists do on Christmas?
A. They Unwrap!

Q. Who delivers Christmas presents to good dogs?
A. Santa Paws.

Q. Why did the blonde farmer from Florida move to the North Pole?
A. So she'd have a chance to use the new snow plow her brother gave her for Xmas.

Christmas Wisecrack: Good parents teach their kids not to catch snowflakes with their tongues until all the birds have gone south.

Q. What is a snowman's least favorite yoga position?
A. Downward Facing Dog Poop.

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa with a flock of ducks?
A. Christmas Quackers.

Christmas Party Pick-Up Line: Are you a snowman? 'Cause I've become frost-smitten with you.

Q. What is the safest season for snowmen?
A. Winter, because of all the camouflage.

Q. What do you get if you cross a snowman at the North Pole with an Arctic Wolf?
A. A Brrr-Grrr.

Q. What do you get if you deep-fry department store Santas?
A. Crispy Kringles.

Winter Pick-Up Line: Babe, is this sidewalk icy? 'Cause I just fell for you.

Q. What do Christmas and weirdos have in common?
A. Fruitcake.

Q. What is a snowman's favorite Christmas snack?
A. Ice Krispie Treats.

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