Q. How do you know you're a redneck?
A. You're invited to a come as you are party, and you show up naked.

Q. What does a chef say when it's time to celebrate?
A. It's Party Thyme!

Q. Who did the mortician invite to his party?
A. Everybody he could dig up.

Q. What do the cops say when they arrive during your neighborhood block party?
A. Dish is the Police!

Q. What can you do if nobody is showing any sympathy for a miserable fellow?
A. Say, Let's get this pity started!

Q. What is it called when donkeys party loudly?
A Cele-bray-ting.

Q. Which kind of social gatherings do pigs like the most?
A. Sow-prise parties!

Q. Why are owl parties always so popular?
A. 'Cause they're a real hoot.

Q. What do you call an Abominable Snowman with a six-pack?
A. Yeti to party.

Q. Why do drunken wolf parties always start at midnight?
A. So they'll have a howling good time.

Q. What happens if you go to a sea turtle's party?
A. You have a shell of a time!

Q. Why are polar bears such popular party guests?
A. Because they really know how to break the ice.

Q. What does a clam do at a party?
A. He shell-abrates.

Q. How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A. The cake jumps out of the girl!

Q. What did the Mallard wear to the party?
A. A Dux-edo.

Q. How do you invite a classical guitar player to a party?
A. Chordially.

Q. Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
A. Because it's too hard to light them on the bottom.

Q. What does a basketball player do before blowing out the candles on his birthday?
A. He makes a swish!

Q. How can you tell your wife likes the new fridge you gave her for her birthday?
A. Her face lit up when she opened it!

Q. What did her dad say after the blonde handed him his 50th birthday card?
A. Thanks so much, but one would have been enough.

Q. Why did the blonde bring soap to the birthday party?
A. She heard it was a soap-prize party!

Q. What happens if a blizzard stops folks from getting to your birthday party?
A. You can have your cake and eat it, too.

Hardy Partying Fact: After eating a big meal on his birthday, finding room for dessert was a piece of cake.

Q. Are birthdays good for your health?
A. Yes, studies show people who have more birthdays do live longer.

Q. Which party animal has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?
A. A Birthday Pheasant.

Q. What did the Happy Birthday balloon say to the pin?
A. Hi, Buster.

Q. Where did the birthday boy smack his pinata?
A. Right in the sweet spot.

Q. Why shouldn't you buy helium party balloons from a commitment-phobic salesman?
A. 'Cause there are no strings attached!

Q. How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?
A. They relish the moment.

Did you hear about the maple tree's birthday bash? It was a really sappy party.

Q. What is a fitting birthday gift for an electrical engineer?
A. Shorts.

Q. Who did Bambi invite to his birthday party?
A. Just his nearest and deerest friends.

Q. Why don't many aliens party at the Mars Bar?
A. They're not feeling much of an atmosphere there.

Q. Waht do Lego figures do when they want to have a little fun in the neighborhood?
A. They have a block party.

Q. Why don't Coloradans drink Flat Tire beer when they're partying on Saturday night?
A. Why tempt fate or dare the devil?

Q. What is a cow's favorite party game?
A. Moo-sical Chairs.

Q. Why do hipster spirits like to party at the cemetery?
A. Because it's an underground club.

Q. What did the over-enthusiastic party goer say to the host at midnight?
A. Mind if I hang over at your place in the morning?

Q. What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
A. Coop cakes!

Q. What is a gentleman?
A. A guy who remembers your birthday, but not your age.

Happy Birthday Anti Pick-Up Line: Hey Bub, age is just a number and mine's unlisted.

Foodie Laugh of the Day: I like to party, and by party I mean stay in and order pizza.

Q. How can you get out of going to a superhero-themed costume party?
A. Just don't go, and when they question you about why you didn't show up, explain that you were there as the Invisible Man.

Q. What is the most challenging party trick for a magician?
A. Figuring his way out of the invitation...

The most disgusting party act of all time: A magician swallows two pieces of string, and then two hours later they come out tied together. I shit you knot!

Q. At a singles party, what is the difference between a dog and a fox?
A. About a six pack.

Q. Why was the jungle animals' party such a snoozer?
A. Because they forgot the chimps and dip.

Q. What do chickens serve at going away parties?
A. Flew the Coop Cakes.

Q. Where does a Sasquatch go to party?
A. Only Bigfoots and hispters know.

Q. Which dinosaur was a real party pooper?
A. T.P. Rex.

Q. Why did the snooty egotistical woman's party go so badly?
A. It suffered from a host of problems.

Q. What is an occasion for burping?
A. A Tupperware party!

Q. Why do walruses like Tupperware parties?
A. They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.

Q. Why is Valentine's Day such a great time to have a celebration?
A. Because you can party hearty!

Q. How do mice celebrate when they find a new place to nest?
A. They have a mouse-warming party.

Q. Which classic rock band is most requested at the zombie dance party?
A. The Grateful Dead.

Q. How long did the great horned bird's bachelor party go on at Hooters?
A. Owl night long.

Beer Troubleshooting: If you don't recognize anybody and don't know what room you're in, you may have stumbled into the wrong party. So, just see if they have free beer.

Q. How was the dancer's kegger party?
A. It was a tappy occasion.

Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...

Q. Why do gynecologists only drink Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and Smirnoff Vodka at parties?
A. They're accustomed to Pabst Smir.

Q. What is the difference between the G-spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels?
A. This is exactly why blondes hate party night!

Q. What is a monster's favorite refreshing Halloween party beverage?
A. Demon-ade.

Q. Why are ghosts so popular at Halloween parties?
A. 'Cause they always bring the boos!

Q. Where do some pirates party?
A. At the sand bar.

Green Cocktail Point to Ponder: Do leprechauns party at a mini bar?

Q. Why don't time travelers have birthday celebration parties?
A. Because they're not interested in the presence.

Gala Groan of the Day: A guy ended up at a party full of World Heath Organization medics. Obviously he was at the wrong Doctor Who convention.

Q. What does alternate universe DJ Spock say?
A. Party Spock is here. Everybody have a logical time!

Q. Why don't mathematicians serve beer
at their parties? A. Because you can't drink and derive.

Q. What did the blonde leave the Broncos tailgating party crying?
A. Because they ran out of Coors Light in left-handed cans.

Q. Which kind of retro dance party lighting do computers like best?
A. CISCO balls.

Q. What did the indigenous person say to the postmodern anthropologist at the party?
A. Can we talk about me for a change?

Q. What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar at the cheese tasting party?
A. Lookin' Sharp!

Q. What is the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary?
A. Get married on his birthday.

Did you hear about the party for our flag?
It was a very flappy occasion.

Q. What spoiled the big Fourth of July pig roast luau?
A. When the mosquitoes next door dropped by for a bite.

Q. What is an owl party called?
A. A hootenanny.

Q. Why did the dog bring toilet paper to his master's birthday celebration?
A. He was a real party pooper!

Q. What does a stylish bitch wear to a big party?
A. Her petticoat.

At a cocktail party, one woman asked another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other woman replied, "Yes, because I married the wrong man!"

Q. Why did the ghost go to the party alone?
A. Because he had no body to go with.

Q. What do you call somebody who always wears a mask?
A. Two-faced.

Q. How does a gardener throw a hearty backyard party on Saturday night?
A. By turning up the beet

Q. What happened before the forest's conifer trees had a big party?
A. The got all spruced up.

Q. What do trees wear to pool parties?
A. Swimming trunks.

Vegan Party Pick-Up Line: Hey, I don't always turnip at parties, but when I do I'm the radish guy there.

Q. How long will the Easter Bunny celebrate?
A. He'll party around the cluck.

Q. What to gnomes say at a garden party?
A. Lettuce turnip the beet!

Q. What is a kitten's favorite party game?
A. Mewsical Chairs.

Q. What is a spider's favorite party game?
A. Spin the Bottle.

Q. Why was the party animal called "The Exorcist?"
A. As soon as he arrives at the party, he rids it of all its spirits.

Q. Why did the guy in the ghost costume get kicked out of the Halloween party at the haunted house?
A. Because he was sheet-faced!

Q. What do young female monsters do at parties?
A. They look for edible bachelors!

Q. Why don't skeletons like parties?
A. They have no body to dance with.

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the speed dating party?
A. He was hoping to pick up some body!

Q. Why wasn't there any food left after the Halloween party?
A. Because everyone there was a goblin.

Q. What do mummies listen to at Halloween parties?
A. Wrap music.

Q. Where does a skeleton go to party after work on Friday night?
A. A hip joint.

Q. Who did Frankenstein take to the Halloween dance?
A. High ghoul friend.

Q. What is a drunken party monster's Halloween slogan?
A. Eat, drink, and be scary!

Q. How did the party boy figure out that he's allergic to vodka?
A. Every time he drank it, he broke out in handcuffs.

Q. Why aren't accountants ever invited to company pool parties?
A. Because they're required to report any shrinkage.

Q. Why did the college freshman blow chunks all over the house?
A. Because he wasn't party trained.

Independence Day Point to Ponder: Did the colonists wear T-shirts to the Boston Tea Party?

Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because they ran out of chimps and dip.

Q. Where do point guards take their dates to party after the game?
A. To a basket ball.

Q. Why did the goose bring toilet paper to the celebration at Denver's Washington Park?
A. He was a real party pooper.

Q. What did the moonshiners do when they had their pictures taken?
A. They stood still.

Q. After a rough night of partying, how can you tell you were rescued by Batman?
A. The next morning, you wake up in a cave.

Q. Which party game does Ant Man enjoy best?
A. The scAVENGER hunt.

Q. If Wonder Woman turned to the dark side and partied on drugs, which would she do?
A. Heroine.

Incredible Party Faux Pas: The Hulk once ate a whole cake before guests told him there was a stripper in there.

Q. Which sidedish does The Hulk always bring to parties?
A. Smashed Potatoes.

Q. Why doesn't Superman like to party after dinner?
A. He can't handle Kryto-Night.

Party Point to Ponder: What does an invisible mask look like, and how would you know if you found one?

Q. Why does the mushroom always get invited to the pizza parties?
A. Because he's such a fungi.

On the Tuesday after Labor Day, take comfort in knowing that the pressure to party and have fun over the summer has finally passed.

Q. What do residents of Breckenridge, Colorado sing at parties in December?
A. 'Tis the season to ski jolly.

Q. Which kind of parties do Colorado skiers attend?
A. Snow Balls!

Q. What do you call a snowman's winter party?
A. A snowball!.

Q. What did the puma say to the jaguar at the poker party?
A. I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.

Q. What do Eeyore and Tigger eat at Pooh's spring party?
A. Blue bear-y pie.

Q. What do you call a black-tie Christmas party?
A. The Snowball!

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