Chimp Chef Asks: What do stoners put on their spaghetti? A. Legalized Marinara!   PainfulPuns.com - Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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Q. Why did the pothead cross the road? A. Um, that's one hell of a good question?
Q. What does his wife say when the pot grower leaves for work? A. Doobie Careful!
Q. How do you know you're a pothead? A. You studied five days for a urine test!
Q. Why do Denver Broncos' fans fail a drug test? A. They're always a mile high!
Big Ape Asks: Q. What is the main difference between politicians & stoner? A. Politicians don't inhale. They just SUCK!
Q. What kind of car does a stoner drive? A. A Blazer!
Q. What do you call it when a stoner spills his weed on the floor? A. Drug Abuse!

 


Legal Marijuana Humor and Lawful Pot Puns
Cop some blunt laughs, arresting pothead humor, offensive puns and 420 stoner joke violations.

Legal Weed Jokes, 420 Puns, Herb Humor
(Because Legalized Cannabis Jokes and Lawful Pot Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream, Especially on 420 or at 4:20!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Legal Recreational Weed IS Funny in Colorado, but NOT in Nebraska!
| Legal Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Mile High Buzz | Stoner Pick-Up Lines | 2 | 3 |
| Weed Jokes and Cannabis Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | Blunt Weed Humor | 2 |
| Pot Poetry, Marijuana Mantras | Ganja Music Jokes | Pot Party Puns | Weedy Funny Munchies |
| Incredible Green Hulk | Spaced Out Aliens | Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Gnome Pothead Puns |
| Funny Stoner Monkeys | 2 | Animal Pothead Puns | Weed Light Bulb Jokes | Happy 420 Jokes |

Q. What did the stoner at the party say before the copy came? A. Let's blow this joint!Bud Says: Freedom doesn't exist if nature is illegal!Thieves were planning to rob the pot shop, but they had to case the joint first!

FYI: Being bouldered in Boulder could get you into trouble, but being denvered in Denver is just another Saturday night.

Q. What did the legal team call the happy ending of a stoner court case?
A. Joint resolution.

Q. What defense did the grower use?
A. Your Honor, weed is not a drug; it is flora. Therefore, I am a botanist.

Q. What is it called when a banker buys weed?
A. A dank transaction.

Herb is the gift from the earth, and nothing worse, so before you knock it try it first, to see it's a blessing and not a curse!

Colorado Cannabis Factoid: Tourists love barely legal weed jokes!

Q. What do the Feds say about legal marijuana commerce in Colorado?
A. It's a joint movement.

Q. What do you call a bank account specifically for marijuana purchases?
A. Joint account.

Q. What defense did the grower use?
A. Your Honor, weed is not a drug; it is a flower. Therefore, I am a florist.

Colorado Cannabis Factoid: Nudists hate barely legal weed jokes!

Q. Which SUV model did most Colorado stoners drive before marijuana was legalized in the state?
A. Blazers.

Q. Why is it smarter to smoke weed than to drink beer?
A. 'Cause Bud weiser.

Police officer: How high are you? Pot head: No officers, it's Hi, how are you?Q. What do you call it when two cities with legal cannabis get together? A. A Super Bowl!Q. If two potheads are in the back of a car, then who is driving? A. The Cop!

Officer: You could go to jail for weed.
Stoner: Jail sells weed?

Q. What do Coloradans call the legalization of marijuana?
A. Fweedom!

According to a recent poll, 91% of Coloradans are satisfied with their lives. Apparently, the other 9% can't remember where the nearest pot shop is?

Did you hear about the guy in Colorado who wants marijuana to be classified as a vegetable? He said it's an igenious way to get Americans to stop smoking pot!

Barely Legal Tip of the Day: Don't drink and drive. Park and spark.

Q. What do you call a graduate of the University of Denver who goes into the legal pot industry?
A. DUber.

Barely Legal 420 Point to Ponder: If a cop is high on pot, is that fried bacon?

State Patrol: If there was someone selling illegal cannabis on I70 in Kansas, weed surely know.

Q. What do Denverites call the cop comedian at Comedy Works who does legal joint jokes?
A. Pig Roast.

Big Ape Says: Don't drink and drive! Park and Spark!Did you hear about the stoner who locked his keys inside his car? He couldn't get his family out for an hour!If weed was legal, police could spend their time catching real criminals. Not ones that sit on their couch and eat snacks!

Q. How do most legalized marijuana industry workers in Colorado get hired?
A. They are reefered.

Q. Why is the legalized marijuana industry doing so well in the Colorado Rockies?
A. Because legal cannabis is in high demand.

Q. Why was recreational marijuana legalized in Colorado?
A. There were a lot of potent arguments in its favor.

Q. Why do Colorado women like working in the legalized marijuana industry?
A. Because there is no grass ceiling!

Q. What was the Denver Post headline when marijuana was first legalized in Colorado?
A. Taking the Cover Off Pot.

Q. What does the sign say outside the coffee house next door to the legal marijuana shop?
A. Perk Up Your Reefer Sadness!

Q. What did the stoner say when the cops pulled him over saying, "Your eyes look red, like you've been smoking weed, Bud."
A. "Your eyes are glazed, like you've been eating donuts, Sir."

Q. What did the pot heads say when they saw red flashing lights up the street?
A. Dude, let's blow this joint!

Legal Pot Point to Ponder: Will marijuana use always be a burning issue?

Q. What is 421 known as? A. National Drug Test Day!Q. What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A. The drunk runs it, but the stoner waits for it to turn green!Why drink and drive? When you can smoke and fly?

Q. What did the stoner say when he heard about the drug test?
A. Dude, what kind of drugs are we testing?

THC Fact of the Day: Using Cannabis doesn't ruin your career. Drug tests do!

Q. How do you know you're a pothead?
A. You studied five days for a urine test.

Illegal Drug Test Laugh of the Day: May your cup runneth over, unless it's that urine specimen cup you're trying to hand me.

Barely Legal Laugh of the Day: I was about to smoke weed with a Mexican girl, until I asked her if she had papers – she immediately ran off.

Pothead Point to Ponder: Have changes in marijuana laws created a new buzz for cannabis?

Q. Which legal marijuana shop is shunned by teachers and parents in Greenwood Village, yet beloved by Denverites around York and 1st Ave.?
A. Cherry Creek High Expectations.

Colorado Legal Pot Poetry: I like to smoke that lovely grass, so all you Feds can kiss my ass.

Q. What's the name of the top producing legal cannabis growers in Colorado?
A. High Five.

Q. Why did the stoner have to retake his drug test?
A. Because the results showed his blood type as THC+. The second test results were blood type THC-. so Dish Network didn't fire him.

After Colorado legalized cannabis, my grandpa asked me to download Rocky Mountain High!Q. What do you do if you see a space man while getting high? A. Park in it Dude!Q. Why did the stoner cross the road? A. The dispensary was on the other side!

Police Officer: How high are you?
Pothead: No officer, it's Hi, How are you?

Q. What defense did the grower use?
A. Your Honor, weed is not a drug; it is a plant. Therefore, I am an horticulturist.

Colorado Legal Cannabis Factoid: If lawyer Frank Azar (suer supreme) can't help you if you were wrongfully hit by the cannabis bus, it's likely attorney Mike Sawaya can.

Q. What is the legal term for a Colorado pot head who's a Mile High?
A. Enjointment.

Legal Pot Point to Ponder: Why is green code talk okay in Ireland and Colorado, but rather suspicious in Omaha?

Q. How does the budtender at the the Thought Police Cafe cut you off?
A. It seems like you've had a bit too much to think...

Q. What do the Feds call a cannabis distributor riding a bike?
A. A drug peddler.

Q. Why won't you ever find cannabis edibles in Seattle called Reefer's Cups or Mr. Dankbar?
A. 'Cause Hershey's will sue your ET ass for trademark infringement. (True story, not a joke!)

Q. What's the difference between a stoner and a politician?
A. Stoners do inhale, but politicians just suck!

Q. What do you call an eagle that's soaring after visiting an illegal marijuana grow?
A. A high flyer.

Q. What do the Feds call it when a Colorado stoner forgets it's legal and flushes his pot down the toilet?
A. Drug abuse!

Q. What is a treefer and is that better than a two-fer?
A. Both are Colorado happy hour goodies, and you be the judge...

Q. What is it called when a stoner accidentally spills his weed into shag carpeting?
A. Drug abuse!

| Legal Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Mile High Buzz | Stoner Pick-Up Lines | 2 | 3 |
| Weed Jokes and Cannabis Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | Blunt Weed Humor | 2 |
| Pot Poetry, Marijuana Mantras | Ganja Music Jokes | Pot Party Puns | Weedy Funny Munchies |
| Incredible Green Hulk | Spaced Out Aliens | Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Gnome Pothead Puns |
| Funny Stoner Monkeys | 2 | Animal Pothead Puns | Weed Light Bulb Jokes | Happy 420 Jokes |

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| Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Tech Gadget Jokes | Travel Jokes | Weather Jokes | Web Jokes |

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