Big Ape Says: Sorry for my bluntness, that's just how I roll!   PainfulPuns.com - Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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Alcohol Kills. Weed Chills!
Thieves were planning to rob the pot shop, but they had to case the joint first!
Hulk Asks: How many stoners does it take to change a light bulb? A. Who Cares? It's too bright in here anyway!
Q. Which era do pothead fossil hounds dig most? A. The Stone Age!
Q. Why don't stoners get into arguments? A. They choose to take the high road!

 


Cannabis Puns, Stoner Jokes, Green Grow-ners
Cultivate your humor stash with smokin' funny jokes, pothead puns, and canna-grass puns.

Marijuana Jokes, Pot Puns, Blunt Weed Humor
(Mary Jane, Remember Weed IS Funny and Marijuana Could Never Be TOO Mainstream In the High Country!)
Warning: Doo-bie Careful and Proceed with Caution! Mile High Weed IS Funny in Denver, but NOT in Omaha!
| Weed Jokes and Cannabis Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | Blunt Weed Humor | 2 |
| Legal Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Mile High Buzz | Stoner Pick-Up Lines | 2 | 3 |
| Pot Poetry, Marijuana Mantras | Ganja Music Jokes | Pot Party Puns | Weedy Funny Munchies |
| Incredible Green Hulk | Spaced Out Aliens | Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Gnome Pothead Puns |
| Funny Stoner Monkeys | 2 | Animal Pothead Puns | Weed Light Bulb Jokes | Happy 420 Jokes |

Chimp Chef Asks: What do stoners put on their spaghetti? A. Legalized Marinara!Q. Why do aliens monitor Twitter? A. For the blunt banter!Gnome & Toad with Pot Leaves: Gnome Grown

Q. What smokin' hot dish did the stoner chef serve up on 4/20?
A. Pot Pie.

Munchie Mantra: It was a big pizza, but I did eat olive it!

I like my weed jokes just like my pizza: extra cheesy!

Q. Why do potheads enjoy these Painful pot Puns?
A. 'Cause they're half-baked.

Stoner Fact of the Day: Pizza jokes are all about the delivery!

Q. What is it called when a drug dealer samples his merchandise?
A. A business trip.

Q. What happened to the short E.T. after he fired up his blunt nacelles?
A. He could finally hold his head up high.

Q. Why do ETs enjoy Painful pot Puns?
A. 'Cause they're short and blunt.

Q. Which remake marijuana song fired up the post disco generation of stoners?
A. Don't Bogart That Joint by Little Feat.

Q. What do you call a horny spaced alien?
A. A Weed Whacker!

Pothead Pick-Up Line: Is your name Mary Jane? 'Cause girl, you are so spliffy!

Q. Why did the British stoners go to mass on the first day of Lent?
A. They heard it was HAsh Wednesday.

Q. What did the green tree frog say after lighting up?
A. Don't Worry, Be Hoppy!

Q. How do you grow your own dope?
A. Plant a man!

Q. What did the leaf ask his big bud?
A. Trichome you don't love me?

Q. How can you tell your Colorado gardener knows how to take care of a serious weed problem?
A. He's brought along his own weed wacker and a hefty supply of leaf bags.

Q. Why is it tricky to get stoned with a cannibal?
A. You have to be careful not to say, "Pass me the joint."

Pot Meme: Gnome Smoking ZonedQ. Why do Denver Broncos' fans fail a drug test? A. They're always a mile high!Garden Gnomes in Pot Leaves: Lettuce a Gnome

Q. What did the stoner say when he was tired of being tactful?
A. Well, to be blunt...

If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours. ... Followed by a global food shortage.

Timeless 420 Quip: Dude, it's 2:40. Close enough!

Dimly Lit Stoner Pick-Up Line: Hey Bae, you are so hot that I'd like to T H See you naked.

Q. Why do Cannabis Geese fly upside-down over the field at Mile High?
A. There's nothing worth crapping on down there.

Q. Which cannabis strain do medical doctors swear by?
A. Hempocratic Oath.

Stoner Pick-Up Line: Hey Bae, is your name Dizz? 'Cause I'd like you to fall for me!

Q. Which marijuana song about raps it up?
A. High All the Time by 50 Cent.

Q. What do you get when you eat too many marijuana edibles?
A. A pot belly.

Q. What did the stoner call his girlfriend who had a houseful of cats on catnip?
A. Meowy Jane.

Kush Pick-Up Line: Hey Bae, do you Pink Panther? 'Cause you're a real gem and I'd like to steal away with you after we blow this joint.

Stoner Munchies Pick-Up Line: Hey, wanna eat cookie dough together sometime?

Q. How many potheads does it take to change a light bulb? A. Screw it! We've got lighters!Pot Meme: Gnome Toking ZoneQ. What do you call a doped-up Pikachu? A. Tokemon!

Q. Why are marijuana jokes always so funny to big apes?
A. 'Cause it's just blunt humor.

Q. What is the specialty of the hot new pothead painter?
A. High art.

Q. What do you call a graduate of the University of Denver who goes into the legal pot industry?
A. DUber.

Q. How many potheads does it take to have a bake sale?
A. Geez, if they're already baked, why not?

Q. What is a true stoner's favorite movie of all time, man?
A. Up in Smoke.

Q. What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt?
A. A pot hole!

Q. What is it called when a stoner accidentally spills his weed into shag carpeting?
A. Drug abuse!

Q. What did the pot grower say when he got turned around on a whirl-wind trip through the Colorado high country?
A. There's no trichome like home.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. Then it's soaked in blood and tears.

Q. Why was the handsome stoner professor so popular at DU?
A. Because he was a true model of higher learning.

Q. What do you call the guy who electronically inhales cannabinoids?
A. The Vape-or-izer.

Q. What do stoners call a mysterious man who's a marijuana magician?
A. A Dab-bler.

Marijuana Mantra: Why can't we all just get a bong?Hulk & Gnome Pot Humor: Gnoming Green, Before & AfterAlien in a weed field says: You might be from Colorado if this guy was your college roomate!

Q. What did the cannabis grower say to the sticky buyer?
A. That's no resin to get angry.

Q. What's the most reliable way to find out about the hottest new cannabis strains?
A. Through the pipeline.

Cannabis Pick-Up Line: Hey Bae, it's almost 4-20 again. How about we light up the afternoon just like we did yesterday?

Q. Which Kind of cannabis is the best you can find?
A. Yes, it really is intense and one-of-a-kind!

Q. How does a stoner know a weed source is up to Bro Code?
A. 'Cause good buds always stick together.

Q. What did the cannabis cultivator say about the current crop?
A. It's growing like a weed.

Q. What do cannabis growers say when they arrive at the pharm?
A. Weed better get growing.

Stoner Thought of the Day: Life is what you bake it.

Q. Which marijuana song is a favorite of Coloradans living higher than 5280 feet?
A. Because I Got High by Afroman.

Did you hear about the spaced aliens who were planning to rob a Colorado pot shop? First, they had to case the joint.

Q. Why do pothead spaced aliens monitoring Colorado enjoy these Painful pot Puns?
A. 'Cause they're mindfully out of this world.

Weedy Fun Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Green Giggles? 'Cause you are putting a big smile on my face.

| Weed Jokes and Cannabis Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | Blunt Weed Jokes | 2 |
| Legal Weed Laughs | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Mile High Buzz | Stoner Pick-Up Lines | 2 | 3 |
| Pot Poetry, Marijuana Mantras | Ganja Music Jokes | Pot Party Puns | Weedy Funny Munchies |
| Incredible Green Hulk | Spaced Out Aliens | Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Gnome Pothead Puns |
| Funny Stoner Monkeys | 2 | Animal Pothead Puns | Weed Light Bulb Jokes | Happy 420 Jokes |

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You haven't burned out yet, so here's more hot humor, cultivated jokes,
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| Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Tech Gadget Jokes | Travel Jokes | Weather Jokes | Web Jokes |

Edible Puns, Fun with FoodBartender Puns, Bar HumorGnome Puns Intended
Monstrously Funny Puns Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Garden Puns, Green Groaners

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