Q. What do you get when you cross an NFL running back and the Invisible Man?
A. Scoring like no one has ever seen!

Q. Who are the happiest people at an NFL football game?
A. The cheerleaders!

Q. Why don't skeletons play NFL football?
A. They are big-boned enough, but they just don't have the heart for it.

Q. Why did the NFL coach repeatedly shake the vending machine in the lockerroom before every game?
A. Because he needed a quarterback and a backup.

Q. Are Great Horned Owls NFL football fans?
A. Yes. They especially enjoy watching the Superb Owl.

Q. What did the bumblebee running back say after getting a touchdown?
A. Hive Scored!

Q. Which stinging animal is suprisingly great at football?
A. The score-pion.

Q. What's the difference between a quarterback and a baby?
A. One takes the snap and the other takes a nap. (But sometimes that's the same thing!)

Q. What do you call the big monkey that scored the winning touchdown?
A. Chimpion!

Q. What happens right before old football players die?
A. They go into the end zone.

Q. When should NFL football players wear armor?
A. Only when they play knight games.

Q. What did the football say to the punter?
A. I get a kick out of you!

Football Kick of the Day: The retired NFL punter lived to be over 100 years old. He's still alive and kicking!

Q. Why did the football scream?
A. 'Cause some big thug kicked him.

Q. How are football games like boobs?
A. Big or small, they're both great – except when they're lopsided!

Q. Why do some football players scuba dive during the off season?
A. 'Cause they like to go deep.

Q. Why was a tiny ghost invited to play on the NFL football squad?
A. They needed a little team spirit.

Q. What did the B Team NFL football player say when he found out how expensive first-class tickets were?
A. Put me in coach!

Q. What do a crummy football team and a possum have in common?
A. Both play dead and get killed on the road.

Q. Why do gymnasts make great NFL kickers?
A. They know how to split the uprights.

Q. How did the old NFL football player die?
A. He crossed over into the end zone.

Q. What do you get if you cross a carpet and a quarterback?
A. A throw rug!

Q. Which football play should you be especially suspicious of?
A. The quarterback sneak.

Q. Why shouldn't you loan money to a football coach?
A. Because sometimes you get a half back, other times a quarter back.

Q. What did the nerdy mathematician do at the NFL football game?
A. Square root for the home team.

Old quarterbacks never die, they just fade back and pass away!

Q. What is a ghost's favorite spot on a NFL football field?
A. Under the ghoul posts.

Q. How are a crummy NFL football team and a zombie different?
A. One is the walking dead and the other gets killed on the road.

Q. What does an NFL football player do after he's lost his eyesight?
A. He becomes a zebra.

Sports Bar Pick-Up Line: Hey bae, I've never made an incomplete pass, and I hope you won't be the first.

Q. How did the old NFL punter die?
A. He just kicked off.

Q. What is it called when a dinosaur makes a touchdown?
A. A dino-score.

Q. Which football player wears the biggest helmet?
A. The one with the biggest head!

NFL Cheap Joke of the Day: My wife is not a football fan. She thinks a quarterback is a rebate.

NFL Pick-Up Line: Do you play football? 'Cause you've got a tight end!

Q. Why didn't the crappy NFL football team have a website?
A. 'Cause they couldn't manage three Ws in a row.

Q. Why did the football quit the NFL team?
A. It was tired of being kicked around.

Q. Where do NFL football players go when they need a new uniform?
A. New Jersey!

NFL Football Pick-Up Line: Wanna be my receiver tonight?

Q. How are scrambled eggs just like a losing NFL football team?
A. They've both been beaten.

Q. How can you tell a blonde is not a NFL football fan?
A. She thinks a quarterback is change for a buck.

Q. Which NFL football team has the coolest helmets?
A. The team with the most fans.

Q. Why aren't centipedes allowed to play on the bug football team?
A. It takes too long to put their cleats on.

Sports Fact Stat of the Day: Playing NFL football is 90% mental. The other half is physical.

Q. How is an NFL football ref just like a chicken?
A. Both have fowl mouths.

Q. What is football player Flutie's favorite yoga pose?
A. Downward-facing Doug.

Q. When is an NFL football player like a judge?
A. When he's sitting on the bench.

Q. Which kind of dinosaur played NFL football?
A. The Bronco-score-us.

Q. Why did the sausage quit playing in the pro football league?
A. Because it was the wurst on the team.

Q. What do NFL football players wear on Halloween?
A. Face masks.

NFL Football Point to Ponder: Wouldn't it make more sense if the Buccaneers moved to Arrrkansas?

Q. What do you call an NFL football team that cries after losing the big game in over-time?
A. A bawl club.

Q. What do you get if you put two nuns and a hooker on a football field?
A. Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q. What do football players call briefly applying a heating pad to an ache?
A. A two-minute warming.

Q. What do beverage do NFL football players drink?
A. Penal-tea.

Q. Why don't zombies play NFL football?
A. They do! They play defense for Denver.

Q. Why did the blonde NFL football player bring string to the big game?
A. In case he needed to tie the score.

Q. Which two NFL football teams played in the Pirate Super Bowl?
A. The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.

Q. What do you call the monkey who made the winning play in the Super Bowl?
A. Chimpion!

Q. What were the highlights of the latest Super Bowl?
A. The ads, especially the beer ads!

Q. What happened when the guy had a dream he'd become an NFL quarterback?
A. His prediction came to pass.

Old quarterbacks never die. They just pass away.

Old football players never die, they just go to the end zone.

Q. Why couldn't the defensive NFL football player pass his test in school?
A. He was a tackling dummy.

Q. Why don't they play NFL football in the jungle?
A. 'Cause there are too many cheetahs there.

Q. Why couldn't the old school all-star NFL football player listen to music?
A. He broke all the records.

Q. How can you tell a blonde is not an NFL football fan?
A. She can't understand why all those guys are beating each other up over 25 cents!

Q. Why was the chicken ejected from the NFL football game?
A. For persistent fowl play.

Q. What do you call folks who completely support Wisconsin's NFL team?
A. Green Bay Backers.

Q. Which NFL football team has many players who fashion their hair into twists?
A. The Braiders.

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