Q. Why are Denver Broncos fans in such great shape?
A. They digest a stable diet and exercise caution when telling horsey sports jokes at the brew pub.

Q. Do the Walking Dead play NFL football?
A. They do! They play offense 'cause that's something to do in Denver when your're dead.

Did you hear about the Denver Broncos fan who was hospitalized with 11 plastic horses inside him? Doctors report his condition as stable.

Q. Why was the gamy sausage dropped from the Denver Broncos game roster?
A. Because it was the wurst on the team.

Q. How do you avoid getting swallowed by a river while white water rafting in Colorado?
A. Stay away from the river's mouth.

Three blonde hikers were in the pine forest and came across some tracks. The first one said, "It looks like bear tracks." The second said, "No, it looks like beaver tracks." Before the third could say anything, they all got hit by a train... Dam!

Q. How are a Colorado weatherman and a ski area hooker alike?
A. Both can only estimate how many inches they'll get, or how long it will last.

Cold Colorado Ski Pun of the Day: I'm tired of slalom skiing. Alpine over another telemark now.

Q. What do you call a very slow skier?
A. A slope-poke.

Q. Why does AARP endorse skiing in Colorado?
A. 'Cause once you're over 50, it's all downhill from there. OUCH!

Q. What do skiers get if they sit in the snow for too long?
A. Polaroids!

Q. Why was the Copper Mountain skier taken to the emergency room?
A. He hurt his ski bum.

Q. Which classic candy is still the favorite of Colorado backcountry skiers?
A. Sno-Caps.

Q. Why did the stock broker go to Vail?
A. He wanted to meet moguls.

Q. How many Colorado ski bums does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. Ski bums don't screw in light bulbs; they screw in hot tubs.

Skier: Doc, I think I'm addicted to skiing at Loveland Ski Area.
Shrink: You may be going down a slippery slope. Do you feel a divide?

Q. Which Olympics sport always captures the attention of Colorado locksmiths?
A. Skiing!

Q. Why are pigs such great Denver Broncos football fans?
A. Because they're always rooting.

Q. Which cool rapper recreates at Aspen Snomass?
A. Ice Ski.

Colorado Snow Mitigation LOL of the Day: We need to prevent a massive snow slide from letting go on Loveland Pass. But we're all hungry so let's avalanche first.

I accidentally left two Rockies tickets on my car's dash, with the windows open. When I got back, there were two more!

Q. How do the Colorado Rockies toast a winning baseball season?
A. With a pitcher of beer!

Q. Why did the janitor call DPD to Coors Field during the Rockies game?
A. Somebody was selling Rocky Mountain Oysters in the stands, and he didn't want to clean up all the vomit after the balls dropped.

Q. Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
A. Ben Whayten.

Q. Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
A. They heard somebody stole third base.

Q. Why is Coors Field the coolest place to see a baseball game?
A. Because Denver is a mile high and the stands are full of fans!

Q. How do the Colorado Rockies toast a winning baseball season at Coors Field?
A. With another pitcher of Blue Moon!

Q. What sickness can a Denverite get from riding a wild horse?
A. Bronco-hitis!

Q. When is the field at Mile High the hottest?
A. After all the Denver Broncos and their fans have left!

Sports Fact of the Day: Playing Denver Broncos football is 90% mental. The other 5280 feat is physical when you're a Mile High.

Q. Why didn't the drunken Denver Broncos tailgaters have a website?
A. 'Cause the team couldn't manage three Ws in a row.

Q. What did the geeky mathematician do at the Mile High football game?
A. Square root for the Denver Broncos!

Q. Why does toilet paper like alpine skiing on Colorado slopes?
A. That's the fastest way to the bottom.

Q. What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
A. It knocked him out cold!

Q. How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"

Q. What do you call heels on ski boots?
A. Ski lifts.

Q. Who do locksmiths try to avoid while skiing in Colorado?
A. The Keystone Cops at A-Basin.

Q. How do Colorado skiers correct their mistakes?
A. With Whiteout!

Q. Why don't skeletons ski the black diamond runs at Copper Mountain?
A. They've got soul, but they just don't have the heart for it.

Q. What did the Colorado telemark skier say when he unexpectedly ran out of weed?
A. Dude, these bindings really suck.

Q. Where does a Colorado State Ram get a stylish trim?
A. At the baa-baa shop.

Q. What did the hard of hearing barber say to the Colorado State Ram?
A. Sorry, I can't shear you...

Denver Broncos Fact of the Day: Making it to the Super Bowl is 90% mental. The other half is physical.

Q. Why did the blonde cheerleader bring string to the Denver Broncos game?
A. In case they needed to help tie the score.

Q. Why doesn't Colorado Springs have an NFL football team?
A. 'Cause then Denver would want one. OUCH! Go Broncos!

Q. How are scrambled eggs like the Denver Broncos after a big loss?
A. They've both been beaten.

Q. Why are the Colorado ski slopes so funny?
A. Because they're hill areas!

Q. Why did the blonde skier only wear one boot?
A. Channel 7's weatherman said there was a 50% chance of snow.

Q. Why do Colorado cows like to ski at Aspen?
A. Because of all the moo-guls.

Q. Why did the hotdogger quit skiing at MaryJane?
A. Because it was the wurst stunt skier at Winter Park Resort.

Q. What kind of parties do Colorado skiers attend?
A. Snow Balls!

Q. What do Colorado skiers like in their breakfast bowl?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Did you hear about the Colorado tourist who got cold while paddling up stream? He lit a fire in his boat, only to discover you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Q. What steps should you take if you see a mountain lion while hiking on Mt. Evans?
A. Very large ones.

Q. Why did the new craft beer bar sponsor a ladies fast-pitch team?
A. Just for the publicity.

Q. How do you describe the hiker who always climbed to the summit of Pike's Peak on her birthday?
A. Getting up there in years.

Q. If you're hiking in Colorado and find a fork in the road, what should you do?
A. Stop for lunch!

Did you hear about the Colorado mountain climber who broke his left arm and left leg? He's all right now.

Q. Why are Colorado hiking stores so diverse?
A. Because they employ people from all walks of life.

Q. What do you call the insatiable urge to climb all of Colorado 14-ers?
A. Being drawn to scale.

Q. What is a Colorado locksmith's favorite winter sport?
A. Skiing!

Q. Why should you always invite a skier to Thanksgiving dinner?
A. They're good at carving.

Q. How do you know when a Vail ski instructor walks into the bar?
A. Don't worry, he'll tell you.

Q. Which classic cartoon guy was incredibly skilled at climbing Colorado's Rocky Mountains?
A. Popeye the Scaler.

Q. Why can't basketball players, other than the Denver Nuggets, vacation in Colorado?
A. Because they'd get called for traveling.

Q. Which Colorado pro athletics team boasts the most Bigfoots?
A. The Denver Nuggets.

Q. Why was the duck put in the Denver Nuggets game?
A. To make a fowl shot.

Q. Why was the Colorado black diamond skier taken to the hospital?
A. Because he bruised his ski bum.

Q. Why do stoner tourists spend so much money while on a skiing holiday at Aspen?
A. Because they're high rollers!

Q. How did the blind guy from Denver enjoy a bit of apres skiing on Lookout Mountain during the last white-out?
A. He brought along his skiing-eye dog.

Q. What is a Colorado skier's mantra?
A. There's snow place like home!

Colorado is the only place where it's acceptable for a man to brag about how many 14-ers he's been on top of.

Q. Who wrote the suggestive high country hiking handbook, Comin' Round the Mountain?
A. Shelby Bach.

Q. Which pedal do rooster racecar drivers at Bandimere Speedway favor?
A. The egg-celerator.

Q. What do young Colorado skiers enjoy most at school?
A. Snow and Tell!

Q. What do residents of Breckenridge, Colorado sing in December?
A. 'Tis the season to ski jolly.

Q. What did the basketball court on top of Lookout Mountain near Denver feature?
A. Vantage points.

Q. What do you call a Colorado skier who tells tall tales?
A. A snow fake.

Q. What do skiers like to eat for lunch?
A. Icebergers.

Classic Colorado Locksmith Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, let's meet up at Keystone for a run down the slope.

Q. Why are Colorado skiers unpleasant while they're up on the ski lift?
A. Because they're always looking down on you!

Q. How did the blind guy go skiing in Colorado?
A. He brought along his skiing-eye dog.

Q. How can you tell you've had too much coffee and cannabis edibles while vacationing in Colorado?
A. You have the ability to ski uphill!

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