Gnome Swimming Allowed. Paparazzi: *Shudder* NOT Shutter. - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Groaner Joke: I Used To Be A Tap Dancer, Until I Fell Into the Sink!
Q. Why don't pirates shower before they walk teh plank? A. Because they'll just wash up on shore later!
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
Q. What did the ocean say to the pirate? A. Nothing. It just waved!
Q. Which exercise do pirates do for great abs? A. Planks!
Two Fish Are in a Tank. One Asks the Other: "How Do You Drive This Thing?"


Swimming Jokes, Scuba Puns, Beach Humor
Float along with buoyant humor, swimmer puns, and drowning jokes you don't have to wade for.

Swimmer Humor, Swimming Jokes, Wet Puns
(Because Swim Puns and Life-Saving Swimmer Jokes Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream, Especially If You're Drowing!)
Warning: Dive In At Your Own Stroke! Nude beach humor, thong jokes, poolside laughs and sinking puns ahead.
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Q. What do you call a Sith lord that likes to swim? A. Darth Wader!Q. What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach? A. A Pything!Q. What happens if you fall into the toilet? A. You either sink or swim!

Q. Where do zombies like to go swimming?
A. The Dead Sea.

Painful Poolside Pun of the Day: I used to be addicted to swimming, but I've been dry for over a year now. OUCH!

Q. What did the blonde say after losing the breaststroke swimming event?
A. She got mad and accused the other swimmers of cheating 'cause they used their hands!

Q. Why shouldn't you listen to people who have just come out of a swimming pool?
A. Because they're all wet.

Q. How do body surfers say hello?
A. They just wave at each other.

Q. Why did the spider take swimming lessons?
A. She wanted to surf the web!

Q. How do veterinarians treat a crocodile who has trouble swimming?
A. With a medicine for e-reptile-dysfunction.

Q. Why are bluetooth devices such bad swimmers?
A. Because they're trying to sync all the time.

Q. Why did the banker jump into the swimming pool?
A. He wanted to float a loan!

Q. Which arm exercises are best for a swimmer in training?
A. Pool-ups!

Q. What did Sherlock say when a toe brushed against him while swimming in the lake?
A. Something must be afoot.

Q. How do you know your swimming pool seriously needs to be cleaned?
A. Kids still pee in it, but they don't get in first! OUCH!

Q. Why did the teacher jump into the swimming pool?
A. She wanted to test the water!

Q. Why doesn't anybody attempt to swim under the river in Paris?
A. Because that would be completely in-Seine. Eau, oui!

After a full day of scuba diving, the frogmen were ready for a breather!Did you hear about the blonde water polo player? Her horse drowned!Gnome nude swimming allowed. You've been warned!

Q. What do scuba divers wear to bed?
A. Snore-kels!

Q. What kind of detergent do scuba divers use?
A. Tide.

Q. What does Cinderella wear when she scuba dives?
A. Glass Flippers.

Q. Why did the blonde swim with the dolphins?
A. It gives her a true sense of porpoise.

Painful Poolside Pun of the Day: I've always wanted a swimmer's body, so I go to the swimming pool every day. But, nobody ever drowns. OUCH!

Q. Why did the old skindiver die?
A. 'Cause he lost his porpoise.

Q. Which swimming stroke are sheep really great at?
A. The baaackstroke.

Q. What do Coloradans call a skinny dipper in the Highline Canal?
A. A gully washer.

Q. Which direction do chickens swim?
A. Cluck-wise.

Q. Why do seals swim in salt water?
A. 'Cause it's a sea-lion solution.

Q. Why do spiders make surprisingly good swimmers?
A. 'Cause they have webbed feet.

Poolish Joke of the Day: A woman walks up to a guy wearing blue trunks and says, "Your eyes match your swim trunks" Guy replies, "Why, are my eyes bulging?"

Q. Why should you never swim on a full stomach?
A. Because it's easier to swim in water.

Q. Where will you find the most female skinny dippers in Colorado?
A. Beaver Creek.

Q. Which word looks the same backward and upside down?

Q. Why did the lonely girl have so much trouble learning to swim?
A.'Cause she didn't have any boy-ancy.

Q. Which Greek god could not swim?
A. Titanic.

Q. Why do Ghostbusters stick together when they swim in the river?
A. 'Cause none of them wants to be across the stream.

Q. How do you save a drowning pirate? A. With C P ARRR!Q. What does a mermaid smoke? A. Seaweed!What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A Nervous Wreck

Q. How do pirates measure how far they swim?
A. In yarrrds.

Sink or Swim Point to Ponder: If paddles could swim, wouldn't that be oar-swam?

Q. Which dive style are infantry men the best at?
A. The cannonball!

Q. Why do you always have to swim to get to Scottish houses?
A. Because there's a loch on every door.

Q. How do tired beach bums clean up after a dip?
A. They just wash up on shore.

Q. What do you call a sticky nightmare about swimming in an ocean of orange soda?
A. A Fanta Sea.

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs out in the swimming pool?
A. Bob.

Q. Why did the shark keep swimming around in circles?
A. 'Cause it had a nosebleed.

Q. Why didn't the busty blonde doing the backstroke panic when she saw a shark fin nearby?
A. Duh, 'cause it was a man-eating shark!

Q. Why do sharks always swim circles around humans before eating them?
A. Because they taste better if you scare the shit out of them first!

Q. What is a whale's favorite swimming stroke?
A. The blubber-fly.

Q. What's the difference between skinny dipping and fat dipping?
A. One requires a swimming pool, and the other involves ranch dressing and deep-fried chicken nuggets.

Q. Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
A. 'Cause pepper makes them sneeze.

Q. What do you call a crazed person who's swimming in a Paris waterway?
A. In Seine!

Q. What did the lake say to the swimmer?
A. Nothing. It just waved.

Q. Where do ghosts like to swim?
A. Lake Eerie.

Q. Where all can a 3-legged dog swim?
A. Just three feet below the surface.

Q. Which cartoon dog swims under water?
A. Scuba-Doo.

Blonde Swimmer Duh of the Day: I could never date guys who swim in the kiddie pool, 'cause that's too shallow for me.

Q. How do veterinarians treat a crocodile who has trouble swimming?
A. With a medicine for e-reptile-dysfunction.

Q. What kind of race is never run?
A. A swimming race.

Gnome nudist colony ahead. You've been warned!Gnome in a vortexQ. Why did the pig quit sun bathing? A. He was bacon in the heat!

Q. Why did the elephants keep getting kicked out of the swimming pool?
A. They kept dropping their trunks!

Q. Why were the anti-vax kids banned from the public swimming pool?
A. Because the only water game they could play was Marco Polio.

Q. Why aren't accountants ever invited to company pool parties?
A. Because they're required to report any shrinkage.

Q. How are women like swimmimg pools?
A. Both cost a great deal to maintain, considering the amount of time you spend in them.

Q. Why are crabs such slow swimmers?
A. 'Cause they prefer the crawl.

Q. Which vacation is more expensive than swimming with dolphins?
A. Swimming with sharks. That costs an arm and a leg.

Q. Why did the swimmer time travel to the past?
A. 'Cause he was doing the backstroke.

Q. Why was the swimmer so slow?
A. He could only do the crawl.

Q. Why did the swimmer only do the backstroke?
A. He just ate lunch and didn't want to swim on a full stomach.

Q. How did the old swimmer die?
A. He had a stroke.

Airforce Academy Cadet: So you're telling me you're in the Navy, yet don't know how to swim?
Navy Seal Recruit: Bud, you're in the Air Force. Can you fly?

Q. How did the old surfer die?
A. Dude, he wiped out.

Old surfers never die, dude! They just get board.

Q. Why did the vegetarian stop swimming?
A. She didn't like all the meets!

Q. Why can't two elephants go swimming at the same time?
A. Only one pair of trunks!

Q. What name did the coach give the all-blonde swim team?
A. The Hydrogens.

Q. What's the biggest difference between men's swim wear and ladies' swim suits?
A. Men's swim wear is designed for swimming.

Q. Why did the sychronized swimming team all drown?
A. Apparently, one of them had a heart attack.

Q. What did the coach say when the worst swimmer asked about his chance of winning the meet?
A. Don't hold your breath, kid.

Q. How did the old swimmer die?
A. He just kicked off.

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You've surfed along this far, so here's even more beach humor, waves of laughter, dippy jokes and painful poolside puns that aren't watered down:

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