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Hulk Asks: What is a great name for a gardener? A. Alonso Greene!
Alien says: In Colorado, if you don't like weed puns, you ganja have a bad time!

Q. What kind of flower should you never give on Valentine's Day? A. Cauliflower!
Q. What is the difference between one yard and two yards? A. A Fence!
Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden? A month later, he was picking his teeth!

 


Flower Jokes, Floral Puns, Blossom Humor
Arrange longstem laughs, posey petal puns, rosy green thumb humor and budding botany jokes.

Blooming Funny Flower Puns and Florist Jokes
(Because Thorny Puns and Stalking Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When You Didn't Pick the Daisies!)
Warning: Petal On with Caution! Sunny flower humor, cutting garden jokes, and aster-ical flower puns ahead.
| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |
| Gardening Jokes and Blooming Funny Garden Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes |
| Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Happy 420 Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor |

Q. What do you call a dispute over young flowers? A. A budding war!Pot Smoking Gnome Pick-Up Line: If I had a garden, I'd put my tulips and your two lips together.Q. What is the favorite flower of USA auto owners? A. The Car-Nation!

Q. What did the big garden flower say to the small flower?
A. What's up, bud?

Q. How can you tell blooming gardener jokes are bad?
A. When they're a real pain in the aster.

Q. What does a romantic gardener get if they plant kisses?
A. Tulips.

Q. What did the male flower stamen say to the female pistil in the garden?
A. I like your style.

Q. What do you get if you cross a burglar and purple flowers?
A. Robbery with violets.

Q. What do you call it when your rose bush never blooms?
A. A bud omen.

Q. What did the petunia say to the weed growing beside it?
A. Move over, Bud!

Today's Gardening Fact: You can't plant flowers, if you've haven't botany.

Q. Which beer do smart botanists prefer?
A. Budweiser!

Q. Why is botany such a tough subject?
A. Because it weeds out the pansies.

Garden Pick Up Line: Hey bae, if I had a rose for every time I thought about you, I'd be even more thorny!

Q. Which variety of flower swears?
A. Hibiscusses.

Q. What does a comedian flower say after it tells a teaser joke?
A. Not! I was just pollen your leg.

Q. Why couldn't the sunflower ride its bike?
A. Because it lost its pedals.

Q. What should be the national flower of the United States?
A. The four-lane cloverleaf.

Q. What do you get if you cross a dog with a garden daisy?
A. A collie-flower!

Q. What is the official flower of I70 through Colorado?
A. The concrete cloverleaf columbine.

Q. Why are flower shops always on the street level of buildings?
A. Because they're floorists.

Q. If a family man gives his wife roses, his parents tulips, and his daughter pansies, which kind of flowers does he give his boy?
A. Sunflowers.

Dead Riddle: What kind of flowers do you give to King Tut? Chrysanthemummies.How do you impress a baker when you're taking his daughter on a date? A. Briing her flours!What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy? A Rash of Good Luck

Q. What do allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
A. An aster-risk.

Q. Why did the gardener plant a rose bush in the landscape's empty patch?
A. He thought, "thistle do."

At the arty florist shop, one observes flowers placed in decorative urns, but not vase versa.

Q. What is the difference between a necrophiliac and a necromancer?
A. Flowers.

Flowery Pick Up Poetry in Motion: Roses are red, Lilies are white, weed make a great couple, you know I'm sow right.

Q. Why are some garden gnomes R-rated?
A. Because they're into insects and violets.

Garden Gnome Hookup Line: Hey Girl, your rosebush, or mine?

Q. What does the letter A have in common with a flower?
A. Both have bees coming after them!

Q. What is a frog's favorite flower?
A. Croak-us!

When the gardener's wife said she was leaving him because of his unhealthy obsession with plants, he asked: "Where is this stemming from, my sweet blossom?"

Q. What kind of flower bouquet does a pickle send to his best girl?
A. Dilly of the Valley.

Q. What did the garden gnome think when flowers without heads mysteriously appeared in the garden every night?
A. He thought he must be being stalked.

Q. Which kind of flower should you avoid giving your wifw on your wedding anniversary?
A. Cauliflower!

Q. Which type of garden flower sounds like it was recently on the losing end of a fight?
A. The Black-Eyed Susan.

When garden vegetables want to converse with petunias, they use a cell phone and cauliflower.

Q. What did the jacked-up rabbit say to the flower before it bit it?
A. Wassup, Doc?

Shrink: Your wife claims you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
Clueless Hubby: Wow, I didn't even know she sold flowers!

Q. What did the tulip flower use an online dating app?
A. It was looking for some-buddy to love.

Q. Why are there so many leprechaun florists?
A. Because they have green thumbs.

Q. What happened when a guy fell in love with his garden? A. It made him wed his plants!Happy Mum Day!Q. What did the alien dandelion say to the earth dandelion? A. Take me to your weeder!

Gardener Groan of the Day: There is something missing from my garden flower bouquet, she said lack-a-daisy-cally.

Q. What sign was posted on the wizard's garden gate?
A. Beware of the Snap Dragons.

Backyard Botany Point to Ponder: With fronds like this, who needs anemones?

Q. What do flowers study at school?
A. STEM curriculum.

Thorny Garden Pick-Up Line: Hey bae, to me bouquet is just a metaphor for orgy!

Q. Which liquid plant food is a treat for flowers?
A. Root beer.

Flowery Hookup Line: Hey girl, by the way, my roses aren't the only thorny thing with a long stem.

Q. Which kind of flowers are most appropriate on Mother's Day?
A. Mums!

Q. What do you call a land where the people drive only pink cars?
A. A pink carnation.

Blooming Funny Point to Ponder: Do botanists have all the anthers?

Q. Watt did the big tulip blossom say to the little bulb?
A. Wassup, Bud?

Wife: Hon, you planted the wrong kind of flowers.
Husband: Oopsie Daisy?

Garden Wiz-Dumb: Bloom where you are planted!

Budding Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, how'd you like to help me germinate my seed?

Q. What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
A. Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.

Q. What did one hungry begonia say to its neighbor?
A. Bud, I could use a light snack.

Q. What do you call a gardener with a frog in her hair?
A. Lily.

Q. What did the gardener say to her new unurly flowers?
A. You're grounded!

Q. Which kind of flowers attract beneficial insects?
A. Bee-gonias.

Poetic Garden Gnome Pick Up Line: Roses are red, daffodils are yellow, wanna go out with a nice little fellow?

Dandelions Say: Happy Weeds-Day!Happy Cannabis Says: Happy Weed's Day!Q. What is a flower's favorite day of the week? A. Sunday!

Q. What do you call a grumpy, short-tempered gardener?
A. A Snap Dragon.

Q. Why did the guy quit his job making furniture out of plants?
A. Because it was no bed of roses.

Healthy Green Thought of the Day: Gardening is cheaper than therapy, plus you get bouquets of roses!

Q. How do botanists catch bartenders?
A. With barbates.

A life without dreams is like a garden without flowers.

Gardener Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, if you were a flower, I'd pick you!

Q. Which kind of flower generates energy?
A. A power plant.

Q. What did the bee say to the flower?
A. Hi there, Honey.

Q. What to flower BFFs call each other?
A. Bud.

Q. What do gardeners call white-flowering shrubs that are entirely perishable?
A. Mere myrtles.

Q. Why couldn't the botanist see well without glasses?
A. Due to a-stigma-tism.

"Weed It and Reap" is funny, but if you accidentally pull out your wife's flowers it's: "Weed It and Weep," and that's not funny at all.

Q. Why did the flower wreck its car?
A. The brake petal was missing.

Q. What is it called when a flower gives head?
A. Floral.

Q. Which kind of flower can whistle the best?
A. Tulips.

Q. What do you call it when a flower uses a phone?
A. A cauliflower.

Blooming Odd Point to Ponder: If you keep receiving bouquets of flowers with their heads cut off, do you have a stalker?

Q. Why did the gardener have to wear sunglasses?
A. Because she grew sunflowers!

New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past, and rely on the fuchsia...

Q. What does alpha letter "A" have in common with an aster flower?
A. They both have bees coming after them.

Green Thumb Come-On: Hey girl, is your name Daisy? 'Cause I want to plant you right here.

Q. How do flowers drive on by so fast?
A. They just put the petal to the metal.

Q. How are flowers and children alike?
A. You can't pick either at the park.

Q. What do you call a large blooming pervet plant that loves little flowers?
A. A petat-file.

Q. Why was botany Hitler's favorite subject?
A. Because botany is all about Germination!

| Flower Jokes and Florist Pun | Lawn Mower Jokes and Sod Puns | Tree Jokes and Pine Puns |
| Gardening Jokes and Blooming Funny Garden Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes |
| Weed Jokes | Colorado Cannabis Jokes | Gnome Grown Weed Humor | Happy 420 Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor |
| Fruit Humor | Apple Jokes | Banana Puns | Lemon Puns | Orange Puns | Strawberry Jokes |
| Animal Poop Puns | Bear Jokes | Insect Jokes | Rodent Jokes | Frog Jokes and Snake Puns |
| Big Bigfoot Laughs | Deer Jokes | Farm Animal Jokes | Donkey Jokes | Wildlife Animal Jokes |

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Pet Puns + Jokes = Funny Pet Peeves Gnome Puns Intended Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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