Q. Why did the finicy vegan chef quit? A. they cut his celery!   PainfulPuns.com - Edible Puns, Funny Food, Chef Humor, Java Jokes!

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Where does garli go for a few drinks? A. The salad bar!
Q. Why didn't anyone laugh at the gardener's jokes? A. Because they were too corny!

Q. How do you murder a salad? A. Go for the carrot-id artery!
Q. How do you fix a broken tomato? A. With tomato paste!


Vegetable Jokes, Veggie Humor, Veggy Puns
Pick healthy veggie humor, corny jokes, fresh produce puns and crispy cruciferous humor.

Veggie Jokes, Produce Puns, Vegetable Humor
(Because Fresh Veggie Jokes Have Never Bean TOO Mainstream for Cabbage Heads or Corny Comedians!)
Warning: Go with Healthy Caution! It's hard to beet a diet of cruciferous vegetable bites and grump-pea puns.
| Veggie Jokes | Carrots | Corn | Peppers | Pickle Puns | 2 | 3 | Potato Puns | Salad | Tomato |
| Diet Puns | Gnome Diet | Vegetarian, Vegan Puns | Fitness Dieting Jokes | 2 | Grocery Store |
| Fruit Humor | 2 | 3 | Apple Jokes | Banana Fun | 2 | 3 | Lemon | Orange Puns | Strawberry |

Q. What do you call somebody who finds jobs for cabbage? A. A head hunter!Q. Why did the grocery store sell green and purple cabbage? A. Because two heads are better than one!Q. What is another name for Brussels sprouts? A. Cabbage Patch Kids!

Q. Which vegetables do plumbers like best?
A. Leeks!

Q. What do you call somebody who doesn't like green vegetables?
A. One who marches to a different beet.

Q. What happens if you eat too many green peppers?
A. You get a bell-y-ache.

Q. What do you get if you cross broccoli and a Vampire?
A. Count Broccula!

Q. Who is the father of really bad veggie jokes?
A. Pop Corn!

Q. What do you call an angry legume?
A. Grump pea.

Q. What did the toy company name the Cabbage Patch Kid with a yeast infection?
A. Sauerkraut.

Q. What kind of vegetable would you like for dinner tonight?
A. Beets Me?

Q. What is a vegetable's favorite movie?
A. The Broccoli Horror Picture Show.

Q. What does a cabbage outlaw have? A. A price on its head!Q. What kind of flower should you never give on Valentine's Day? A. Cauliflower!Q. What do you call a vegetable with PMS? A. A Cab Bitch!

Murphy's Slaw:
If Cabbage can go rotten, it will.

Q. What was the heyday of taxis in Beijing called?
A. Chinese cabb-age.

Q. Why did the veggie band sound so different in concert?
A. They were missing a beet!

Q. What do you get if you cross a melon and broccoli?
A. A melon-coli salad.

Q. What is every poet's favorite legume?
A. Rhyme-a beans.

Q. What do you call a veggie farmer's formal speech about the progress of pungent bulbs?
A. A state of the onion address.

Did you hear about the vegetable who was acquitted of manslaughter? Yeah, he beet the rap!

Hey, why not have a garden party? Lettuce turnip the beet!

Q. What is a veggie's favorite retro game show?
A. Beet the Clock.

Q. What is green and goes to summer camp? A Brussels ScoutQ. What do you call a cabbage with a good body? A. Head and shoulders above the rest!Q. What is the world's most popular wine? A. I don't like Brussels sprouts!

Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth It's called Bristle Sprouts.

Q. What does a nosy pepper do?
A. Gets jalapeno business.

Q. What do vegetable lovers call an occasion for burping?
A. A Tupperware party!

Q. Which vegetable is the fastest?
A. A Runner Bean!

Q. What do you have if you have six potatoes in one hand, and a bunch of leeks in the other?
A. Huge hands.

Q. What is a cardiologist's favorite vegetable?
A. Beets.

Q. Which are the strongest vegetables?
A. Muscle Sprouts!

Q. What is a vegan rock drummer's favorite vegetable?
A. Beets.

Did you hear about the guy who quit eating veggies? His heart missed a beet.

Q. How does a farmer mend his pants? A. With a cabbage patch!When the teacher lectured avout leafy green veggies, the pupil learned a chard lesson!Q. Why did the cabbage win the race? A. Because it was a head!

Q. What is a chicken's favorite vegetable?
A. Eggplant.

Q. What should you do if you've lost your root veggie?
A. Don't worry. It will turnip.

Q. What happened after a new shipment of celery and asparagus arrived at the grocery store?
A. Employees re-stalked the shelves.

Q. What did the lettuce say to the celery?
A. Quit stalking me!

Q. What is small, red, and whispers?
A. A Hoarse Radish.

Q. Which vegetables do podiatrists see most often?
A. B-onions and corns.

Q. What is an investigative journalist's favorite vegetable?
A. Leeks.

Q. Which are the worst veggies to serve on a boat?
A. Leeks!

Q. What is the most awesome veggie?
A. The RAD-ish.

Q. Why did an ear of corn, a head of cabbage, a carrot and cucumber all jump into the ocean?
A. 'Cause they're all C foods.

Q. How much does a pirate pay for corn? A. A buck an ear!What is the difference between spinach & boogers? Kids won't eat spinach.After realizing just how much corn he had for sale, the farmer grinned from ear to ear!

Q. What do you call a retired veggie?
A. A has bean.

Customer: Waiter, what is this?
Waiter: It's bean soup.
Customer: I don't care what it's been. What is it now?

Q. Why do some fungi have to pay for two seats on a plane?
A. Because they take too mushroom.

Q. What is it called when somebody minces vegetables after a long delay?
A. Finally chopped.

Q. What does the Green Giant wear when he goes to a corporate board meeting?
A. A three peas suit.

Veggie Fact of the Day: Did you know Bruce Lee has a vegetarian brother? His name is Brocco Lee.

Q. Which kind of vegetable do librarians like most?
A. Quiet Peas!

Q. What kind of salad can you buy at a gas station convenience store?
A. Regular and un-lettuced .

Q. Why shouldn't you tell secrets in a cornfield?
A. There are too many ears!

Q. Why was the corn odering the cabbage around?
A. 'Cause it was the Kernel.

Q. What do you say to compliment a vegetable gardener?
A. Smashing Pumpkins!

Q. What do you call a fast fungi?
A. A mush vroom!

Did you know that cheap olive oil gets a lot of bad press?

| Veggie Jokes | Carrots | Corn | Peppers | Pickle Puns | 2 | 3 | Potato Puns | Salad | Tomato |
| Diet Puns | Gnome Diet | Vegetarian, Vegan Puns | Fitness Dieting Jokes | 2 | Grocery Store |
| Chef Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Chef Tunes | Gnome Chef Jokes | Chef Come-Ons | Foodie Humor |
| Gourmet Grins | Dinner Jokes | Lunch LOLs | Kitchen Gadget Jokes | Nut Jokes | Old Chef LOLs |
| Restaurant Jokes | 2 | 3 | Waiter | Italian Food | 2 | 3 | Pizza Jokes | Pasta | Take Out Food |
| Butcher Jokes | Steak Jokes | Beef Jokes | 2 | Pork Jokes | Poultry Puns | BBQ Grill Jokes |
| Deli Jokes | Burger Puns | 2 | 3 | Hot Dog LOLs | Ketchup Jokes, Mustard Puns | Herb | Soup |
| Colorado Cuisine | Tex-Mex Jokes | Seafood Puns | Pirate Eats | Cop Cuisine | Breakfast LOLs |
| Egg Jokes | Milk | Butter | Cheese Jokes | Cheese Gnomes | Ice Cream | Cookie Candy Puns |
| Fruit Humor | 2 | 3 | Apple Jokes | Banana Funs | 2 | 3 | Lemon | Orange Puns | Strawberry |
| Baker Jokes | 2 | Bread | Dessert Puns | 2 | Pie | Beverage | Coffee | 2 | Soda | Beer | Wine |
| Snack Jokes | Halloween Treats | Tasty Cannibal Jokes | Sci-Fi Food Jokes | Green Munchies |

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