Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner.   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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A Girl Said She Recognized Me From the Vegetarian Club, But I'd Never Met Herbivore.
No Evil Monkeys Ask: What do you call the dude who brings shroom to a party? A. A Fungi!
Q. How did a burger propose to a fry? A. With an onion ring!
What do we want? Time travel. When do we want it? irrelevant!
What do you call a mushroom who buys a round of drinks? A Fun-Gi

 


Cooking Herb Jokes, Onion Puns, Spice Humor
Have a funny taste of pungent seasonings jokes, zesty herbal humor, and thyme-ly chef puns.

Spicy Puns, Seasoned Humor, Garlic Jokes
(Because Sage Jokes, Peppered Puns, and Spiced-Up Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream If You're Out of Thyme!)
Warning: Sample with Caution! Clovely garlic jokes, spiced-up grins, flavorful humor, and un-cumin puns ahead.
| Herb Jokes | Deli Puns | Burger Puns | 2 | 3 | Hot Dogs | Ketchup Jokes, Mustard Puns | Soup |
| Butcher Jokes | Beef Jokes | 2 | Pork | Poultry | Colorado Cuisine | Tex-Mex Jokes | BBQ |
| Chef Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Chef Tunes | Gnome Chef Jokes | Chef Come-Ons | Foodie Humor |
| Italian Food Puns | 2 | 3 | Pasta Puns | Restaurant Jokes | 2 | 3 | Pirate Cuisine | Seafood Puns |

Why can't chefs play baseball? Because they always get caught trying to steal the basil!Et Chef Asks: What do you call a kitchen gadget used to add herbs? A. A fennel funnel!Gorilla Chef Asks: Why did the chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of thyme!

Q. Why did the chef stir parsley into his pureed tomatoes?
A. Because it's soup herb!

Taco chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat. They just want to read the pepper and spend some thyme by their shelf.

Culinary Tip of th Day: A lot of casual cooks cry when peeling, slicing, dicing or mincing onion. The trick is not to become emotionally involved.

Q. Why do cannibals think pirates who have been in multiple shipwrecks taste best?
A. Because they prefer seasoned survivors.

Fun Food Fact That Adds Up: An opinion without 3.14 is just an onion!

Life is like an onion. You peel off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.

Q. Which horse did the ranch onion ride?
A. The scallion.

Q. Why was the famous chef so popular on Facebook?
A. Everybody wanted to check out his thyme line.

Point That Health Food Chefs Ponder: Why isn't thyme used in medicine? After all, thyme heals all wounds.

Q. Why did the frugal chef go to so many stores to find the best prices for herbs?
A. He thought it was thyme well spent.

Q. What do cloves use for money? A. Garlic bread!Q. What's the difference between a banjo and an onion? A. Nobody cries if you chop up a banjo!Where does garli go for a few drinks? A. The salad bar!

Fun Foodie Fact of the Day: An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone away!

Food Fact of the Day: Onion rings are actually the donuts of the vegetable world!

Did you hear about the new GMO onions that make you laugh? Wow, when did Colorado cannabis growers perfect "Bermuda Smiles?"

Q. What did the garlic say to the vampire?
A. Wanna pizza of me? You coward!

My smartass friend said onions are the only food that could make you cry, so I threw a coconut at him...

Q. What can a crappy cook make using baked beans and onions?
A. Tear gas.

A lot of people cry while chopping onions. The trick is not to get so emotionally attached to your dinner.

Q. Which hobbit always has onion breath?
A. Lord of the Onion Rings.

Q. What did garlic say to gal pal onion?
A. Ya know, boyfriends are cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Did you hear that Dracula collapsed after dining on a guy who ate garlic at the salad bar? Just another victim of Buffet, the Vampire Slayer.

Q. What happened after the chef opened the refrigerator door because he heard green onions singing a Bee Gees song?
A. He finally realized it was just chives talking.

Chimp Chef Says: Saw my dad chopping up Onions today and I cried. Onions was a good dog!Have you heard about the new garlic diet? You don't lose much weight but from a distance, friends think you look thinner.Q. Why do chefs worry about an herb shortage? A. Because of the end of thyme!

Q. Which kind of wild onions have rhyme and rhythm
A. Rap scallions.

Did you hear about the onion family that perished? They will dearly be minced...

Q. What are small, white, round and often giggles?
A. Tickled onions.

I'm not sure if you're crying because these puns are so painful, or if it's because I'm mincing an onion?

Q. What do you get if you cross a donkey and an onion?
A. A fine piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye!

Q. Why does Mr. Potato Head need a cell phone?
A. In case Miss Onion rings.

My girlfriend had tears in her eyes when I asked her to marry me. In retrospect, it might be because I proposed with an onion ring...

Q. Which futuristic kitchen gadget does an alien chef use to bring back herbs from the past?
A. A thyme machine.

Q. Which kitchen gadget does an ancient alien chef in Colorado use to bring back herb from the future?
A. A thyme machine.

Q. Why do sci-fi foodies worry about an herb shortage?
A. Because of the end of time!

Q. What does a pirate chef add to a plate to make it look nice? A. A Garrrnish!Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke a little leaf. Jack got high and dropped his fl, and Jill said "Where's the Beer?"Ape Chef Asks: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? How sad he ran out of thyme!

Q. Which herb does a gourmet pirate chef add to his meals?
A. A few sprigs of paRRRsley.

Q. Why is The Hulk such a good Internet gardener?
A. He always backs up his sage! And, he bides his thyme on Twitter.

Q. How does your garden grow?
A. Only thyme will tell...

Q. How does a hamburger acquire good tastes?
A. With a little seasoning.

Q. How did the botanist at CU know he was destined to become a renowned cannabis breeder in Colorado?
A. His name is Herb.

Herb is the gift from the earth, and nothing worse, so before you knock it try it first, to see it's a blessing and not a curse!

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.
Bob Marley.

When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself.
Bob Marley

Q. Which vegetables are a plumber's favorites?
A. Leeks.

Q. Where do onions and shallots go to have a few drinks?
A. The Salad Bar.

Q. How do Colorado green chilie chefs live their lives?
A. They season the day.

Q. What is big and green and sings?
A. Elvis Parsley.

We'd tell one last Painful Pun about slicing onions, but it would have you in tears...

| Herb Jokes | Deli Puns | Burger Puns | 2 | 3 | Hot Dogs | Ketchup Jokes, Mustard Puns | Soup |
| Butcher Jokes | Beef Jokes | 2 | Pork | Poultry | Colorado Cuisine | Tex-Mex Jokes | BBQ |
| Chef Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Chef Tunes | Gnome Chef Jokes | Chef Come-Ons | Foodie Humor |
| Italian Food Puns | 2 | 3 | Pasta Puns | Restaurant Jokes | 2 | 3 | Pirate Cuisine | Seafood Puns |
| Baker Jokes | 2 | Bread | Dessert Puns | 2 | Beverage | Coffee | 2 | Soda Funny | Beer | Wine |
| Egg Jokes | Milk | Butter | Cheese Jokes | Cheese Gnomes | Ice Cream | Cookie Candy Puns |
| Carrot Jokes | Peppers | Pickle Puns | 2 | 3 | Potato Puns | Salad | Tomato Jokes | Veggie Puns |
| Fruit Humor | 2 | 3 | Apple Jokes | Banana Funs | 2 | 3 | Lemon | Orange Puns | Strawberry |
| Snack Jokes | Halloween Treats | Tasty Cannibal Jokes | Sci-Fi Food Jokes | Green Munchies |
| Diet Puns | Gnome Diet Jokes | Vegetarian Jokes, Vegan Puns | Fitness and Dieting Jokes | 2 |

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