Q. Why did the frugal chef go to so many stores to find the best prices for herbs?
A. He thought it was thyme well spent.

Q. Why do grocery store workers ask shoppers if they want paper or plastic?
A. 'Cause baggers can't be choosers.

Spice Aisle Pick Up Line: Hey Herb, you cumin here often?

Q. Why did the blonde have 12 carts at the grocery store?
A. She didn't want to put all her eggs in one basket.

Q. What is it called when you go to the grocery store and come home with a whole bunch of cheese?
A. A shopping brie.

Q. What was the cannibal looking for in the grocery store's canned food aisle?
A. Baked beings.

Q. What did the mummy place in his grocery shopping cart?
A. De-coffin-ated coffee.

Q. What did the Invisible Man purchase at the grocery store?
A. Evaporated milk.

Q. How are golf balls like eggs?
A. They're white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.

Q. What is it called when a grocery shopper has to sample an item before purchasing it?
A. Buy-curious.

Grocery Store Cashier: Paper, or plastic?
Customer: Either. I'm bi-sack-tual.

Q. Why should you feel sorry for shopping carts?
A. 'Cause they're always being pushed around.

Q. Why did the lonely bachelor feel so great after leaving the grocery store?
A. 'Cause a hot woman there was checking him out.

Q. Why did the blonde think supermarkets are totally gross?
A. Cause there are grocers there. DUH!

Q. What do you call the guy who buys out all the toilet paper at the grocery store?
A. A shithead.

Q. Which suprmarket section is exclusively for young people?
A. The juvenile.

Q. What is the most awesome veggie in the produce department at the grocery store?
A. The RAD-ish.

Q. What is the guideline for determining watermelon ripeness at the supermarket?
A. Rule of thump.

Went to the grocery store today for lemons and apples, but they didn't have any. It was a fruitless trip!

Q. What happened to the guy who went to the grocery store to buy some beer in 2020?
A. He came home with a case of Corona.

Q. What happened to the grocery store shopper who viciously stabbed a box of Rice Krispies?
A. The cops arrested him for being a cereal killer.

Q. Which kind of food stores have 24-hour police protection?
A. Donut shops.

I went to the grocery store for 6 Sprites, but when I got home I realized I picked 7 Up.

Q. Which kind of fruit was the sailor shopping for at the port's grocery store?
A. Navel oranges!

Q. Why did the shopper go to the grocery store wearing cowboy boots, a western shirt and a big belt buckle?
A. He wanted to buy some ranch dressing.

Cashier at Costco: Do you want a box for those?
Customer: No, but I'll race you.

Cashier at Costco: You wanna box for that?
Customer: No, I just want to pay for them. Everybody is so violent these days.

Q. What did the vegan rock drummer buy at Whole Foods Market?
A. Beets.

Q. Why did the man from Oz go shopping for artichokes?
A. He sought heart.

Q. Which kind of vegetable do librarians always buy at the grocery store?
A. Quiet Peas!

Grocery Store Shopper: Are those genetically modified zucchini?
Produce Guy: Why do you ask?
Zucchini: Yeah, why do you ask?

Grocery Store Groan of the Day: A blonde walked up to the supermarket. The sign by the door said, "No food or drinks inside," so she left.

Q. What do you call it when you get distracted by all the different meats at the the grocery store?
A. A short attention Spam.

Q. Why was the anti-social guy fired from his butcher job at the grocery store?
A. He just wasn't meating enough people.

Q. Why did the guy's wife always get so jealous when he went grocery shopping?
A. 'Cause somebody was always checking him out there.

I walked up to the cheese counter in the store last week. I interrupted him, so he had to start again..

A guy in the grocery store express checkout register tried to buy one of those divider sticks, but the clerk kept putting it back.

Q. What was the witch shopping for at the supermarket?
A. Bagels and scream cheese.

Q. What was a vampire shopping for at Whole Foods Market?
A. Neck-tarines.

Q. What do you call it when a grocery store only sells soda pop in bottles?
A. Totally un-canny.

Grocery Store Checkout Clerk: Sir, would you like your milk in a bag?
Customer: No, please just leave it in the gallon jug.

A guy had only one loaf of bread at the spuermarket checkout counter. The clerk asked him if he wanted a bag. The shopper replied, "Yes please, baguette."

Q. What happens when two grocery store deli counter workes fall in love?
A. They live together in holy meatrimony!

Q. What does a friendly supermarket deli counter clerk say to new customers?
A. Nice meating you.

Q. Why should you go to the paint store if your on a diet?
A. You can get thinner there!

Q. Why did the conservative owner of the corner grocery store decide to stop selling shredded cheese?
A. He wanted to Make Amerifa Grate Again.

Q. What were the developer's plans for the run-down corner market they just purchased?
A. They wanted to re-store it.

Corny Point to Ponder: When you come across sweet corn on sale at the grocery store for $1 each, is that a bucaneer sale?

Q. What did the cardiologist buy at the supermarket?
A. Artichoke hearts.

Grocery Shopping Groan of the Day: A guy tossed a half-gallon of milk at me today, and I thought, "How dairy!"

Whole Foods Clerk: These are the freshest eggs we've had all year.
Grocery Shopper: I'd prefer eggs that haven't been around that long...

Q. What did the shoplifting magician do when cops tried to arrest him at the grocery store?
A. He turned into a parking lot.

Q. Where is the most convenient place to buy maize in the city?
A. At the corn-er store.

Q. What happened after a new shipment of celery and asparagus arrived at the grocery store?
A. Employees re-stalked the shelves.

Q. What was the snowman doing at the grocery store?
A. Shopping for Frosted Flakes.

Q. Why do you have to pay an extra fee for water in a bag at the grocery store?
A. 'Cause that's an ex-ice tax.

Q. What did the grocery store do with an old inventory of Coke, PepsiSprite and Dr. Pepper?
A. Liquidate it.

Q. What did the thirsty frog shop for at the grocery storer?
A. Croak-a-Cola.

Q. How did the TV news commentator describe the serial vandalism of gooseberries at the grocery store?
A. This is a sad state of currant affairs.

Q. Which type of venues do bats avoid?
A. Flea markets and food market places in China.

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