Gorilla asks: Did you hear about the new banana diet? You don't lose much weight, but climbing trees is a breeze!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. What do you call a cabbage with a good body? A. Head and shoulders above the rest!
Have you heard about the new garlic diet? You don't lose much weight but from a distance, friends think you look thinner.
Q. What is a Honeymoon Salad? A. Lettuce alone, with no dressing
Have You Ever Tried to Eat a Clock? It's Very Time Consuming

 


Dieting Jokes, Weight Loss Puns, Low-Cal Laughs
Get the skinny on dieting jokes, LOL Diet humor, biting laughter, hungry giggles and losing puns.

Diet Jokes, Dieting Humor, Weight Loss Humor
(Because the Latest Fad Diet Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for the Diet Industry <–– NO JOKE!)
Warning: Keep a straight face when asking your doctor about the Laughing Out Loud Diet! Fitting puns ahead.
| Fitness and Dieting Jokes | 2 | Diet Puns | Gnome Diet Jokes | Fitness Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
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| Sports Jokes | Gym Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Bodybuilder Jokes | Running Jokes | Sports Pick-Ups |
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ET Chef Asks: What did the time traveler do when he was still hungry? A. He went back four seconds!Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it all.Diet Joke: Becoming a Vegetarian is a Big Missed Steak.

Dieting Tip of the Day: Dieting is NOT a piece of cake!

Entered what I ate today in my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house...

Q. Why did the overweight standup comedian finally go on a diet?
A. 'Cause he was at his width's end.

Q. What is the name of the classic spy thriller about obese people?
A. Tomorrow Never Diets.

Who says I've got no will power? I WILL get that pecan pie, if it's the last thing I do!

Q. What does D.I.E.T. stand for?
A. Don't Indulge Every Time.

Q. Why is eating while standing naked in front of a mirror such an effective dieting tactic?
A. 'Cause the restaurant will surely throw you out before you can eat too much!

Sign at Trendy New Restaurant: Eat Here Diet Home.

Q. What is one very key aspect of a successful weight loss diet?
A. Mind over platter.

Q. What do crazed vegan diet zombies eat?
A. GgggRrrAaaaIiiiNNnnSss!

Q. Why is the second day of a new diet always easier than the first?
A. 'Cause by the second day, you're off it.

Q. Why did the pleasingly plump guy claim he was in shape?
A. 'Cause round is a shape, too!

Q. What is a blonde's idea of a balanced diet? A. A glass of wine in each hand!Q. What did Darth Vader say when he visited a vegan restaurant? A. I find your lack of steak disturbing!ET Chef Says: "No thanks, I'm a vegetarian" is a fun thing to say when somebody hands you their baby!

The fad dieter ate everything with prickly pears, but now he's only eating foods with sorghums.

Dieting Point to Ponder: Can a successful dieter win the Nobelly Prize?

Q. How do you know it's time to go on a diet?
A. Your driver's license says, "Picture Continued on Other Side."

Q. How can you painlessly add more fruit to your diet?
A. Smoke weed out of an apple.

Q. What do you call a fascist vegan?
A. Lactose Intolerant.

Q. How do you know your low fat diet is working?
A. The fat hangs lower every day!

Diet Industry Slogan: Obesity is an ever-expanding problem.

Snarky dieter comment of the day: Today, I bought a cupcake without sprinkles. Diets are hard!

Some diets cause a gut reaction.

Dieting Stress of the Day?: This new diet is absolutely wearing me thin.

Q. How can you become 20% lighter instantly?
A. Just spell light as lite instead!

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate vegetables.

Q. How do you know it's finally the right time to go on a diet?
A. You're diagnosed with a flesh-eating virus and the doctor gives you twenty years to live.

Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner.Q. Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? A. Only if your aim is good!Q. Why do hamburgers go to the gym? A. To get better buns!

Q. What is the Dr. Doolittle Diet?
A. You just talk to the food instead of eating it.

Q. Why are horses in such good shape?
A. Because they're on a stable diet.

Dieting Point to Ponder: Do seven days of dieting make one weak?

Q. Which Bruce Willis prequel film was never released?
A. Diet Hard.

Dieting News Bite: The diet industry enjoys a heavy bottom line.

Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants? He doesn't want to gain weight in the wrong places.

Q. What do you get if you put the correct amount of protein, veggies, and carbs on a scale?
A. A balanced diet.

Dietary Point to Ponder: Do low carb diets really go against the grain?

Lame Excuse for Dieting Failure: I have fillings in my teeth. The magnets on my refrigerator keep pulling me into the kitchen!

Dieting Factoid: The size a dieter aspires to equals his sighs of relief.

Dieting Point to Ponder: Is obesity a broad subject?

Diet Point to Ponder: If so many women reduce and reduce, why don't they ever become a bargain?

Q. What did the frog order at McDonalds? A. French flies and a diet croak!Fitness Meme: Hey Buddy, just remember mermaids don't have thigh gaps either!Hulk Humor: I can't drink milk. I lactose genes needed to digest it.

Q. How do some people curb their appetites?
A. At the drive-thru window!

Dieting Trivia: The most fattening thing you can put in an ice cream sundae is a spoon.

Q. Why should you suck it up and go on a diet now?
A. So you don't have to suck up twice as much later.

Loser Weight Loss of the New Year: I need to lose 20 pounds this year. So far so good. Only 25 more to go.

Dieting Tip of the Day: Always remember that stressed spelled backward is desserts.

Q. How does the Seafood Diet work?
A. You see food and you eat it!

Q. Which kinds of vegetables are into diet and fitness?
A. Muscle sprouts.

Q. How can you tell you haven't gained all that much weight since high school?
A. You can still fit in the same earrings you bought your first year of college.

Q. What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A. A beer in each hand.

Did you hear about the new diet clinic that's so successful that it takes your breadth away?

Weight Loss Fact of the Day: The toughest part of being on a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat.

Un-Diet Tip of the Day: Never go back for seconds. Just get it all in the first plate.

Healthy Diet Point to Ponder: Wouldn't charting your weight loss diet progress on a pie chart just make you crave more dessert?

Q. Why do vegans give good head?
A. 'Cause they're used to eating nuts.

Dieter Groan of the Day: My ex-wife told me I was fat and she wasn't going to sugar-coat it because I would eat that, too.

| Fitness and Dieting Jokes | 2 | Diet Puns | Gnome Diet Jokes | Fitness Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
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