Q. Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? A. Because They Cantaloupe!   PainfulPuns.com - Garden Puns, Green Jokes, Grow Groans!

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Q. What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon? A. Pork Rinds!
Q. What do you call a strawberry that uses foul language? A. Berry rude!
Happy Blues Day!

Q. What do you do if ife gives you melons? A. See a doctor, because you're dyslexic!


Garden Patch Jokes, Pumpkin Plot Puns, Berry LOLs
Grow along with patchy pumpkin growing humor, berry sweet puns, and cabbage patch jokes.

Gardening Jokes, Melon Patch Puns, Fruity Humor
('Cause Gourd-geous Garden Patch Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When You Have a Hole in Your Pants!)
Warning: Proceed Carefully! Strawberry bed jokes, garden plot humor, casaba LOLs and melon-coli puns ahead.
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Q. How does a farmer mend his pants? A. With a cabbage patch!

Q. What do you call fruit that commits egregious crimes? A. A Water-Felon
A farmer enjoys gazing at his pumkin patch becuase it's so gourd-geous!

Q. Why were the veggies that grew up out in the garden patch lifelong friends?
A. 'Cause they had deep roots.

Q. Why was the corn odering the cabbage around in the vegetable patch?
A. 'Cause it was the Kernel.

Did you hear about the cabbage plant that didn't like sharing the garden with passion vines? Then they started to grow in him.

Q. Who is the serial killer out in the garden produce patch?
A. The slaughter melon!

Patchy Green Thumb Chat Up Line: Hey babe, I dig gardeners!

Q. Which garden patch fruit likes to go swimming?
A. Watermelon!

Q. What is the guideline for determining watermelon ripeness?
A. Rule of thump.

Home Grown Chat Up Line: Hey girl, those are quite the melons you have there.

Q. Why was the melon gardener so busy over the weekend?
A. He had a long honeydew list.

Green Thumb Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, if you were a watermelon, I'd thump you!

Q. How do you compliment a vegetable gardener who's working out in his patch?
A. Smashing Pumpkins, Man!

Q. Why was the farmer so teffified by his pumpkins?
A. Because after he watered the seeds, they grew some and then grew some more!

Q. Where's the best place to establish a new pumpkin patch?
A On the seedy side of town.

Q. Who is the leader in the gourd patch?
A. The pump-king.

Fall Harvest Chat Up Line: Hey babe, you are seriously lookin' gourd tonight.

What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit? Straw-berries!
Q. What is a three-season bed? A. One without a spring.
Q. What is another name for Brussels sprouts? A. Cabbage Patch Kids!

Q. What did the woman say to her dog, Barry, after he dug up her fruit patch?
A. That's the last straw, Barry!

Q. What did the strawberry plant say to the gardener?
A. Stop picking on me!

Q. Why don't strawberries hang out with blackberries and blueberries?
A. 'Cause they don't want to get beat up.

Q. Where do they make fresh ripe strawberries?
A. At the strawberry plant.

Q. Where did Paul McCartney get his favorite fruit?
A. Strawberry Fields.

Q. How does a pumpkin feel growing out in the garden patch?
A. Just vine,

Q. Where do executive pumpkins hold their business meetings?
A. In a gourd-room.

Q. Which extreme sport do gardeners enjoy out in the pumpkin patch?
A. Bungee-gourd jumping.

Q. Which kind of pumpkins and squash have the magical ability to speak?
A. Vocal gourds.

Garden Patch Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, you've really grown on me and I love you from my head tomatoes.

Q. What sprouted up in the patch when the gardeners crossed a melon with broccoli?
A. A melon-coli salad.

Q. What did the gardener say when it was finally time to party in the veggie patch?
A. Lettuce turnip the beet!

Q. What should a groom well to the wedding reception out in his garden patch?
A. A three peas suit.

Q. Which kind of vegetable does the librarians grown in her backayrd veggie patch?
A. Quiet Peas!

Down and Dirty Garden Pick Up Line: Hey girl, life is a garden, so why not just dig it?

Q. When do you go at red and stop at green? A. When you're eating a watermelon
Crow  Chef Asks: Which fruit do you eat when you're sad? A. Blueberries!
Q. What resembles half a strawberry? A. The other half!

Q. How do you know it's Honeydew?
A. Because thyme is getting on, dear.

Q. Why did the ecological grower always compost waste from the garden patch?
A. Because a rind is a terrible thing to waste!

A watermelon walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "What'll it be?" Watermelon replies: "A rum and cuke, please."

Garden Club Pick Up Line: Hey babe, weren't you in my "Introduction to Melons" class?

Garden Patch Pick Up Line: Hey girl, are you a juicy delicious fruit? 'Cause honeydew look fine!

Q. Why do strawberries look down on blueberries out in the berry p;atch?
A. 'Cause they're good for muffin!

Q. Why don't strawberries socialize with blueberries and raspberries out in the berry patch?
A. Because blueberries are always sad, and raspberries are too facetious.

Berry Patchy Point to Ponder: If a strawberry tells blackberry jokes, is that racist?

Raspy Garden Patch Chat Up Line; Hey there, is your name Berry? 'Cause you just look so sweet.

Q. How did the unripe strawberry feel about the ripe strawberry?
A. It was green with envy!

Q. What did the fruity pirate gardener wear over one eye?
A. A strawberry patch!

Q. Why do strawberries make great garden patch musicians?
A. 'Cause they're really into jammin'.

Gardener Chat Up Line: Hey baby, if you were a ripe strawberry, I'd pick you!

Raspy Garden Patch Chat Up Line; Hey there, is your name Berry? 'Cause you are sweet.

Q. What do you call a sad strawberry? A. Blue Berry
Q. What do you call a fat pumpkin? A. A Plumpkin!
Q. What did one watermelon say to another on Valentine's Day? A. You're on in a melon!

Q. Why are there so few funny berry patch jokes?
A. Because that's a very sticky subject.

Q. Why did the innocent blueberry get framed for the crime?
A. The evidence was a strawberry plant!

Q. What happens if you're barefoot and step on a strawerry out in the garden patch?
A. You get toe jam.

Q. What really scares a strawberry?
A. A Boo-berry!

Q. How do you fix a broken fruit garden?
A. With a strawberry patch.

Green Grower Hookup Line: Hey girl, wanna reap the fruits of my harvest?

Gardening Pick-Up Line: Babe, you look absolutely radishing tonight!

Orchard Pick-Up Line: Hey man, do these plums feel ripe to you?

Q. What do you get if you drop your Halloween pumpkin?
A. Squash.

Q. What are big, orange gourd growers truly afraid of in their garden ppatch?
A. Things that go pumpkin the night.

Q. What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by the diameter?
A. Pumpkin Pi.

Q. What does a gourd grower use to mend his torn overalls?
A. A pumpkin patch.

Garden Groan: On Halloween, you can sit on my pumpkin, but you butternut squash it!

Q. What do you have if you've got six mini pumpkins in one hand, and a carved jack-o-lantern in the other?
A. Huge hands.

Gardener Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, are you a garden? 'Cause I'd get down and dirty with you!

Q. Why did the guy break up with his girlfriend who her time in the cantaloupe patch?
A. Because she was always so melon-dramatic about everything!

Q. What do you get if you cross a melon and broccoli?
A. A melon-coli salad.

Q. How did the honeydew grower feel after getting a blue ribbon at the county fair?
A. Like a melon bucks!

Pick Up a Garden Green Gardener Line: Hey fella, I'll trade you my melons for that big cucumber you've got there.

Q. What crime was the casaba garden thief convicted of?
A. Melony Theft.

Q. Which kind of casaba changes colors at will in the garden?
A. A Chamelon!

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