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Q. What is red and smells like blue paint? A. Red paint!
Q. What do you get if you cross an apple tree with a shellfish? A. Crab apples!
Q. How do you fix a broken tomato? A. With tomato paste!
Wine Humor: Q. Which breed of dog can bring you a glass of red wine? A. The bordeaux vollie!
Q. What's green and red and guides Santa's sleigh? Rudolph the Red-Nosed Pickle!
Q. What do you call a strawberry that uses foul language? A. Berry rude!

 


Red Light Jokes, Maroon Humor, Blood Red Puns
Stop here for enlightening red puns, crimson color humor, red shirt groans and scarlet red jokes.

Bright Red Jokes, Rosy Puns, Red Color Humor
(Because Cherry Jokes and Red Wine Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream Wnen You're Feeling Beet!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Get reddy for berry funny jokes, read humor, and bloody good puns ahead.
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Q. What did the red light say to the green light? A. Don't look, I'm changing!Q. What happened when Blackbeard fell overboard into the Red Sea? A. He got marooned!Red Shirts to Kirk: Yes Sir. We're reddy!

Q. Why did the traffic signal turn red?
A. You would too, if you had to change in the middle of the road.

Q. Where should a baseball player never wear red?
A. In the bullpen.

Q. Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
A. The Reds!

Q. Why did the blonde nurse carry a pen with red ink?
A. Just in case she needs to draw blood.

Q. Why didn't the pirate tourist enjoy the concert at Red Rocks Amphitheatre?
A. Because he was in the last row.

Q. Why did the Canadian pirate have red eyes?
A. He wasn't used to legalized seaweed.

Q. What happened when the red ship collided with the blue ship?
A. The sailors were all marooned!

Q. How do vampire pirates cross the Red Sea?
A. In blood vessels.

Q. Why didn't the Enterprise's red shirt chicken cross the road?
A. She had a few lines in upcoming episodes.

Q. How many Red Shirts does it take to change a light bulb?
A. At least two. One to replace the bulb, and at least one to be killed off in the dark.

Q. Why did the red shirt cross the road?
A. He heard there were a lot of chicks on the other side.

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekkie?
A. You're afraid to wear a red shirt!

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.Spock Says: Live long and prosper, and don't wear a red shirt!Q. How do you make an apple turnover? A. Ross it down hill!

Q. What is red and bad for your teeth?
A. A brick.

Q. What do you call a red potato that tries to pass as a tomato?
A. An imi-tater!

Q. Which kind of beer does Homer Simpson order at Moe's?
A. DOH! Flanders Red Ale.

Q. Which potent pot song were Colorado stoners more than reddy for in 1975?
A. Panama Red by New Riders of the Purple Sage.

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekkie?
A. You will NOT wear a red shirt!

Q. Which red shirt is a good loser?
A. The junior officer playing 3-D chess with his captain.

Q. Are there any funny red wine jokes at PainfulPuns?
A. You bet Shiraz there are!

Q. Who wrote the book, Red Hot Home Cooking?
A. Ann Cho.

Q. What is the left side of a Red Delicious apple called?
A. The part you didn't eat!

Q. Why did the green Granny Smith apple turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!

Home Grown Fruit Pun of the Day: Did you hear the joke about Bing red cherries? It was pitiful!

Q. What do you call the time period in between eating red cherries?
A. A pit stop!

Roses are red, violets are blue, if he's usy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you!Q. What is a vampire's favorite type of person to bite? A. A Redneck!Q. Why did the tomato turn red? A. Because it saw the the salad dressing.

Drunken Bar Pickup Poetry: Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka is cheaper than having dinner with you.

Q. Should you enjoy a glass of red before noon?
A. Wine not!

Q. What did the happy red say to the sad white wine?
A. Hakuna Moscato.

Healthy Wine Point to Ponder: My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath. But, I can't even finish drinking the bath...

Q. What is a red blood count?
A. Dracula!

Q. What happened when a vampire tried to rob a blood bank?
A. He was caught red-handed.

Q. Where do the cops put vampires before booking them?
A. In red holding cells.

Q. What do you call a communist vampire?
A. A red blood count.

Q. What did a red blood cell say to the platelet cell on its birthday?
A. Coagulations!

Q. Why did Miss Tomato turn red?
A. She saw Mr. Green Pea over the fence!

Q. What did the coach say to the slow tomato runner?
A. Red, you'd better catch up!

A truck carrying red wine vinegar collided with an olive oil truck at the nudist camp. First responders reported everyone there was well dressed.

Q. What is small, red, and whispers?
A. A Hoarse Radish.

Farmer Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, those red roses aren't the only thing with a long stem.

Wine Joke: What is a great name for a sommelier? A. Merl O. DailyQ. When do you go at red and stop at green? A. When you're eating a watermelonWhere do Martian drink beer? At a Mars Bar!

Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my wine!
Waiter: Yes ma'am, you asked for a house red with a little body in it.

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey there Red, would you like to plant a vineyard on me?

My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!

Q. When shouldn't you serve red wine at room temperature?
A. When you live in an igloo or ice palace.

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey there Red, I'd like nothing more than to lay you sideways.

Wine Lovers Holiday Wish: May all your Christmases be white, or red!

It's Daylight Saving Time! So remember to change your wine clock from red to white!

Red-Eyed Stoner Come-On: Hey girl, your eyes are even greener than the weed I'm smokin'!

Q. What kind of wine does Rudolph the Reindeer prefer?
A. Red! Unless he's on a rooftop, then White!

Q. What was the name of Rudolph's lesser-known stoner brother who wintered in Colorado?
A. Ricky, the red-eyed reindeer.

Q. Why is it so hard to solve a redneck murder?
A. Because the DNA all matches, and there are no dental records.

Q. If a blonde and a redneck jump off a skyscraper who will hit the ground first?
A. The redneck, 'cause the blonde will stop to ask for directions.

Q. Why did the redneck bodybuilder wear a sleeveless shirt to the gym?
A. To exercise his right to bear arms.

Q. Why was the redneck, who liked to shoot guns and drink whiskey, all bummed out?
A. Because he was all out of shots.

Q. How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to change a light bulb?
A. About 10,000 to give the bulb a Cultural Revolution.

Q. Which Sesame Street character was launched into space to explore the red planet?
A. Mars Grover.

Q. Which movie proved there will never be life on the Red Planet?
A. Martian Impossible.

Q. What is a space alien's favorite Disney movie?
A. Snow White and the Red Dwarfs.

Q. What do you call a land where the people drive only red cars?
A. A red carnation.

Q. What is a cow's favorite color?
A. Marooon.

Whiskey Wisecrack of the Day: Redbull may give you wings, but whiskey gives you balls.

Did you know Chuck Norris had the idea to can his urine as a beverage? It's marketed under the name, Red Bull.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I have schizophrenia, and so do I.

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