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Q. Why was
the mouse
afraid of the water?

A. Catfish!

Mouse: I'm glad the cheese stands alone because that makes it easier to find.

Q. Which
rodent snack
do mouser
cats prefer?

Mice Krispies.

Q. Why do
cats have
fresh breath?

A. 'Cause
they use
mouse wash.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!

Q. Why did
two mice
fall in love?

A. They just


Rat Jokes, Mice Puns, Vermin Humor, Rodent Grins
Gnaw on turdy rat puns, mouse house humor, nice mice laughs and cheesy mousetrap jokes.

Mouse Jokes, Hamster Humor, Cheesy Rat Puns
(Because Experimental Lab Rat Jokes and Mickey Mouse Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream Outside the Rat Hole!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Cheesy rodent jokes, dirty rat humor, and squeaky clean mouse puns ahead.
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Q. What is a mouse's favorite game? A. Hide and SqueakQ. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Two, but it's cramped!How Do You Get a Mouse to Smile? Say: "Cheese"

Q. Where do mice and rats go for happy hour cocktails?
A. To the squeakeasy.

Rodent Point to Ponder: If your cat caught all the mice in your house, does that make it squeaky clean?

Q. What do rats have in common with ghosts?
A. Both scare the crap out of you.

Q. What happened after a guy lost his rodent keeper job at the zoo?
A. No more Mr. Mice guy.

Q. Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger take a job killing rats and mice?
A. Because he's the ex-Terminator.

Q. What squeaks while solving crimes during the '80s in Florida?
A. Miami Mice.

Q. What do you call a man who loves critters like mice, rats, and roaches?
A. God's gift to vermin.

Q. What did young Rube Goldberg do when he wanted to catch a mouse?
A. He built a better con-trap-tion.

The neighborhood rat pack walks into a bar. Bartender didn't have time to say anything, before the health department shut him down...

Q. How do mice celebrate when they find a new place to nest?
A. They have a mouse-warming party.

Q. Why do mice have long tails?
A. 'Cause they're too short to wear long hair.

Q. Which opera is about a rodent that goes around letting air out of tires?
A. Deflator Mouse.

Q. How do you save a drowning rodent?
A. With mouse to mouse resuscitation!

Q. What did boyfriend mouse say to girlfriend mouse's family?
A. Mice to meet you.

Q. Why is it so hard to take a good photo of a rat pack?
A. 'Cause they all scatter when you say, "Cheese."

Q. What did one lab rat say to his buddy?
A. My researcher is really well-trained. Everytime I push the red button, he brings me a treat.

Q. Who is the leader of all red mice?
A. Mouse Tse Tung.

Q. What diid one mouse say to the other while they were chewing over a film reel?
A. I liked the book better.

Q. Which kind
of cheese
do rodents prefer?

A. Mouserella.

Q. What is small, gray, suck blood, and eats cheese? A. A Mouse-quito!

Q. How does a
mouse feel
after taking a shower?

A. Squeaky

Q. What mouse was a Roman emperor?
A. Julius Cheeser.

Q. Which dinner makes mice kids smile?
A. Mac 'N Cheese.

Q. What do you get if a mouse gets into your freezer?
A. Mice cubes.

Q. What is smal and gray, and lives on an old man's face?
A. A mouse-tache.

Q. What do pet rodents wish their owners would read?
A. Good Mousekeeping Magiazine.

Q. Which fast food side dish do mice like to order?
A. Cheese fries.

Q. Where do mice stay when they're on vacation?
A. The Stilton Hotel.

Q. What's even worse than a sick rat on your piano?
A. A diseased beaver on your organ!

Q. Why are researchers now using lawyers instead of rats?
A. They don't get attached to them, and there are some things even a rat will not do!

Q. What is another name for the Catskill Mountains?
A. The Land of Dead Mice.

Deadly Funny Rodent Point to Ponder: If North Korea strapped explosives to rats and dropped them on Europe, would that be Boombonic Plague?

Q. What is it called when suicidal ants eat an entire box of rat poison?
A. Committing Pesticide.

Q. When is it especially bad luck to see a black cat?
A. When you're a mouse.

Q. Which strategy do mice use to win sports matches?
A. They run down the clock.

Q. What does a mouse's cousin use to paint her nails?
A. Shrew polish.

Q. What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
A. Mouse Code.

Q. Which kind of shoes do mice wear?
A. Squeakers.

Q. Why do mice need oil?
A. 'Cause they squeak.

Q. Why are mice always washing up?
A. 'Cause they like everything squeaky clean.

Mousy Rodent Pick-Up Line: Hello, Minney. Mice to meet you!

Q. What sound does a techie mouse make?
A. Click click.

Animal Pun: The rodent club finished drafting a constitution, but it has yet to be ratified.

Q. Where do mice put their dead to rest? A. Mouseoleum

Q. What City Has the Largest Rodent Population? A. Hamsterdam

Q. Which rodent doesn't like to take credit for it's deeds?
A. Anonymouse

Q. Which kind of rodent is excellent at sword fights?
A. A Mouseketeer.

Q. Why are there monster mice on Planet Mars?
A. 'Cause Curiouslity killed the cats.

Q. What do residents of Hungary call a rat problem?
A. Budapests.

Q. What do rodents do after they eat?
A. Gopher a walk.

Prairie Dog Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, is there room enough for me in your gopher hole?

Q. Why did the rat find religion?
A. He saw a bat and thought she was an angel.

Q. Why do rats come after bats?
A. That's how the dictionary works.

Q. What do buccaneers call an obese rat aboard ship?
A. A Pie Rat.

Q. Which kind of rodent might you find in caves along with bats?
A. Stalagmice.

Q. Why won't mice ever rat anybody out?
A. 'Cause they don't tell squeak-rets.

Q. What do Hungarians call a rat that has reached enlightenment?
A. A Buddha pest.

Q. What is it called when rodents invade a beaver colony?
A. Hamsterdam.

Q. What is small, furry, and smells like bacon?
A. A hamster.

Q. What was the rodent doing at the gym?
A. He was working on his hamsterings.

Pet Hamster Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, let's make the exercise wheel squeak all night!

Q. What is small, has a long tail, and works with the police?
A. A gerbil shepherd.

Q. Where do cultural mice go to view famous paintings?
A. To the art mouse-eum.

Q. Why did
the mouse
stay indoors?

A. 'Cause it
was raining
and dogs!

A cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse, with baited breath.

Q. Why do
mice have tiny

A. 'Cause they
don't care
for dances.

Q. Why did Mickey Mouse go off into space?
A. To find Pluto.

Q. Why does Minnie Mouse carry an umbrella?
A. In case it starts raining cartoon cats and dogs.

Q. Which USA state does Mickey Mouse like to visit often?
A. Minnie-sota.

Q. When does Mickey Mouse hang up his calendar?
A. On New Ears Eve.

Q. How did Mickey feel when Minnie has a bad day?
A. Mouse-erable.

Q. What kind of vehicle does Mickey drive around town?
A. A Minnie Van.

Q. Which device does Mickey Mouse use to surf the Web?
A. His iPad Minnie.

Q. What does Mickey Mouse say if you ask him if he is listening?
A. I'm all ears.

Q. Why did Mickey Mouse just tumble over?
A. He had a Disney spell.

Q. What do mice use corn oil for?
A. To stop it from squeaking.

Q. Which kind of dinosaur was afraid of the ancestors of mice?
A. Eek-Rex.

Q. Why did the exterminator quit his job?
A. Because it was a real rat race.

Q. What is a cat's favorite song?
A. Three Blind Mice.

Q. How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike on a ranch?
A. The cat'll eat it.

Q. What is a mouse's least favorite song?
A. What's New Pussycat.

Q. What does a 20-pound rat say to a cat?
A. Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.

Q. What is a cat's favorite classic game?
A. Mouse Trap.

Q. Which treat do house cats get to eat on their birthday?
A. Cake and mice cream.

Q. What do cats order at Mexican restaurants?
A. Mice and Beans.

Q. What did the cat say when the three-legged mouse got away from her?
A. You gotta be kitten me!

Q. What was the cat doing on the computer?
A. Just playing with the mouse.

Q. What do pet cats like for dessert?
A. Chocolate Mouse.

Q. What snack do cats like on a really hot day?
A. Mice cream cones.

Q. What do you call a mouse without balls?
A. Optical.

Q. What is a rodent's favorite band?
A. Modest Mouse.

Q. Which kind of vehicle do clown mice drive?
A. A mini van.

Q. Which chore do mice dread doing the most?
A. Mouse-work.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rat with an elephant?
A. Who cares? It's a relephant.

Q. Why are elephants afraid of computers?
A. 'Cause of the mouse. EEK!

Q. What do you get when you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
A. The stink-eye from the mouse.

Q. Who did the mouse go to after falling off the clock he just ran up?
A. Hickory Dickory Doc.

Q. What do snarky rodents send each other at Christmas time?
A. Cross mouse cards.

Q. What do dirty rats send to their family during the holiday season?
A. Nest mess cards.

Q. Which children's song is about a group of mice that fell into a pickle barrel?
A. Three Brined Mice.

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