Funny Fish Jokes, Fishy Puns, Scaly Humor

Fishy Jokes, Finny Puns, Carpy Fish Humor
(Because Funny Fish Jokes That Flow Along Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Fish Swimming Upstream!)

Two Fish Are in a Tank. One Asks the Other: "How Do You Drive This Thing?"

Q. What is a fish's least favorite day of the week? A. Fry Day!

Q. What's the best way to catch a fish?
A. Have someone throw it to you.

Q. Why did the fish blush?
A. Because it saw the ocean's bottom!

Q. Which game show do fish enjoy most?
A. Name That Tuna!

Q. What do romantic fish sing to each other?
A. Salmon Chanted Evening.

Fishy Groan of the Day: If you know more funny fish puns, let minnow!

Fishy Hookup Line: Hey Wanda, wanna come home with me to see my catfish?

Q. Why do sharks do so badly in school?
A. Because they work well below C level.

Q. How does a fish access the World Wide Web?
A. It using the Net.

Fishy Pick-Up Line: Hey Babe, let's hook up some time.

Q. What kind of fish could help you hear better?
A. A Herring Aid.

Fish Hookup Line: Hey Wanda, wanna come up to my place where I can show you my lure?

Q. What do you call a fish who wears an ascot?
A. So fish-ticated!

Q. Where are most fish found?
A. Between the head and the tail.

Q. Where do fish go to practice yoga?
A. The river bend.

Q. Why are fish boots the warmest to wear?
A. Because they have electric eels.

Fishy Come-On Line: Hey bae, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I want to catch right now and mount back at my cabin.

Q. Which kind of fish performs brain surgery? A. A brain sturgeon!

Q. What do fish use for money? A. Sand Dollars!

Q. Why aren't fish good tennis players? A. They don't like getting close to the net!

Q. What happened to the fish who wanted to be a TV news reporter?
A. The first time he went on air, he died.

Q. What happened after Channel 9 hired a fishy tabloid reporter to do human interest stories?
A. The station's ratings really tanked.

Q. What kind of fish does the pope eat during Lent?
A. Holy Mackerel.

Q. Which type of fish goes upstream at 90 MPH?
A. The Motor Pike.

Q. What do you call a naked fish?
A. A barracuda.

Q. What did the fish say when he posted bail?
A. I'm off the hook!

Q. What happened to the goldfish that went bankrupt?
A. Now it's a bronzefish.

Q. Where do some fish work?
A. At their offish.

Q. What do you call a truly refined and mannerly moray or conger?
A. Gent eel.

Q. What is the difference between a corporate CEO and a carp?
A. One is a sucking bottom feeder, and the other's a fish.

Q. Why did the nerd go to the lake after bullies teased him?
A. To go fishing for compliments.

Q. What do you get if you cross a friar and a fish?
A. A Monkfish.

Fishy Pick-Up Line: Hey Wanda, are you farm raised, or do you need to be wild-caught?

Q. What do you get if you cross a big fish with a power line?
A. An electric shark!

Fishy Hookup Line: Hey bae, are you a shark? 'Cause I've got some swimmers you might want to swallow.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

Fish says: Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day!

Q. What is the difference between a fish & a guitar? A. You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish!

Q. Why do fish swim in a school?
A. Because they're good at gym class.

Q. Why are goldfish orange?
A. The water makes them rusty.

Q. What happened to the shark that swallowed a bunch of keys?
A. It got lock jaws!

Sea Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, wanna hold my eel?

Fishy Come-On Line: Hey fella, I see you're on the small side. But don't worry, 'cause I won't throw you back.

Q. What do you call a fish with two knees?
A. A tunee fish.

Fishy Hookup Line: Hey babe, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you are the only one I want to catch and mount.

Q. What do you call a smelly fish?
A. A Stink Ray!

Q. What do you call an underwater social network?
A. Fishbook!

Fishy Hookup Line: Hey big guy, I'm guessing you must be a good 12 inches, 'cause you're a real keeper.

Q. What kind of fish plays the guitar?
A. Bassist.

Q. Which part of a fish weighs the most?
A. Its scales.

Q. Which type of fish goes to heaven when it dies?
A. The Angelfish.

Fishy Pick-Up Line: Hey Wanda, tonight I'd like to take a dip in your pond.

Fish Pick-Up Line: Hey Wanda, even if you get away today, I will catch you eventually.

Did you hear about the fight in the kitchen? A fish got battered!

Q. Where does a fish keep his money? A. In a river bank!

Q. How do fish always know how much they weigh?
A. They have their own scales.

Q. What do you get if you put Nutella on a fish?
A. Salmonella.

Q. Which fish is the best dressed?
A. The swordfish because they always look sharp!

Fishy Pick-Up Line: Hey there, wanna come over and look through my tackle box?

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
A. One is a slimy scum-sucking bottom feeder. The other is a fish.

Q. What is a wildlife fish photographer called?
A. A school shooter.

Shark Hookup Line: Hey baby, sharks don't typically mate for life, but I'd consider it with you.

Q. What do you get if you cross a banker and a fish?
A. A loan shark!

Q. Why did the vegan go fishing?
A. Just for the halibut.

Q. What do fish need to stay healthy?
A. Vitamin Sea.

Q. How does a fish get to school?
A. It takes the octobus!

Q. What is it called when baby flatfish are learning how to swim?
A. Floundering.

Q. Where do fish look for a new job?
A. In the kelp wanted ads.

Big Fish Pick-Up Line: Baby, you're like a championship bass. I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!

Fishy Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, I can still reel you in, even if you're not a fish.

Q. Which party game do fish enjoy playing most?
A. Salmon Says.

Q. What do you call a dangerous fish that drinks too much?
A. A beer-a-cuda!

Pick-Up a Fish Line: Hey there, are you a great white shark? 'Cause you look like you wanna swallow me whole.

Stinking Funny Fish Pun of the Day: Did you see that enormous family of burrowing eels? It's hard to believe they're all living under one reef.

Q. What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
A. One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a jellyfish.

Q. Which pop and soul superstar adores fish, especially bluefin, yellowfin, and albacore?
A. Tuna Turner.

You're still on the hook, so snag even more wild caught laughter,
fishy humor, biting jokes and carpy painful puns that really do take the bait:

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