Q. How do you describe a hipster octopus?
A. Tenta-cool!

Q. What is a coward octopus called?
A. Octopussy.

Q. What do you get if you cross an octopus wth a chameleon?
A. Dunno. Nobody's ever seen one!

Q. What was the octopus comedian doing on stage?
A. Krakken jokes.

Q. Why did the tatooed man get another tat of an octopus?
A. 'Cause he was really into ink.

Q. Which pirate octopus was the most famous of all time?
A. Captain Squid.

Q. What do you call an octopus that works undercover?
A. Octo spy.

Q. Which kind of large mollusk teases others in a contemptuous manner?
A. The mock-topus.

Q. What did the Coast Guard call sea creatures that held a baby octopus for ransom?
A. Squid-nappers.

Q. Why did the sea captain stop to put tape on a squid?
A. 'Cause it was a Kraken.

Q. What did the sea bully call the wimpy mollusk?
A. Octo wuss.

Q. What is a fussy mollusk called?
A. An octo-priss.

Q. How did the cops know that the octopus didn't commit the crime?
A. 'Cause he didn't have a bad bone in his body.

Q. Which language do squid and octopi speak?
A. Inklish.

Q. Which kind of cephalopod is the most mischievous prankster in the ocean?
A. The naughty-lus

Q. How does a sea mollusk say farewell?
A. Octo bye.

Q. What did the squid say when it was in a hurry?
A. Let's get Kraken.

Q. How do you describe the size of a giant squid?
A. Ink-credible.

Vampire Squid Pick-Up Line: You are so cute. I wish I could turn myself inside out and digest you.

Q. What do you call the giant squid that always has a smart-mouthed comeback?
A. Wise krakken.

Q. What do you call the spot where an octopus is hanging out?
A. Octo-pied.

Q. How did the eight-armed mollusk win the big football game?
A. He caught the octo pass.

Q. What do you call nosy mollusk that asks too many questions?
A. Octo pry.

Q. What do you get if you cross Nessie with an octopus?
A. Loch Topus.

Q. What do you get if you cross an octopus with a ghostbuster?
A. Octo-plasm.

Q. How does a fish get to school?
A. It takes the octobus!

Q. What do you call the cephalopod that was convicted of arson?
A. Octo pyro.

Q. Which kind of cephalopod has the filthiest mouth?
A. The Octo-cuss.

Q. How did the cops describe the criminal octopus that escaped custody?
A. Armed and dangerous.

Q. What is another name for cephalopod ink?
A. Octo dye.

Q. What do you call a cephalopod stuffed toy?
A. Octo plush. .

Q. What do you get if you cross an octopus with orange soda?
A. Octo Crush.

Q. What are twin squids called?
A. I-tentacle.

Q. What do you call a sea mollusk wearing four pairs of Nike shoes?
A. Octo swoosh.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cephalopod with Black Beard?
A. Octo pirate.

Q. What happened when the octopus was in a car accident?
A. He got dent-tacles.

Q. What is a deal brokered by the Kraken called?
A. Squid pro quo.

Q. What did the cephalopod order at the bar?
A. An octo pint.

Q. What might you see at a mollusk funeral at sea?
A. An octo pyre.

Q. What is the newest cephalopod art at the museum?
A. An octo bust.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cephalopod with a killer bee?
A. An octobuzz.

Scary Deep Sea Groan of the Day: Sea monster jokes are Kraken me up.

Dark Deep Sea Pick-Up Line: Squids don’t always ink, but I’d make you ink twice tonight.

Q. What do you call a cephalopod that likes both boys and girls?
A. Octo bi.

Q. How did the octopus win the big football game?
A. With ten tackles

Q. Which kind of toilet paper do cephalopods prefer?
A. Octo ply.

Q. What was the sick octopus suffering from?
A. Eight bent-acles.

Q. What does the locksmith keep in his aquarium?
A. A lock-topus.

Q. What did the squid say to the bagpipe player?
A. You'd be sexier without those pajamas on.

Q. What do octopi parents call their cranky offspring's tantrum?
A. Octo fuss.

Q. What do you get when you cross a cephalopod with a Douglas fir?
A. Octo pine.

Q. What do you get if you cross a rooster with an cephalopod?
A. A cock-topus.

Q. What do you get if you cross an octopus with a relative of rabbits with big Mickey Mouse ears?
A. Octo pica.

Q. Which deep sea creature is into heavy metal music?
A. The rocktopus.

Q. What does a loving squid couple do?
A. They get calimarried.

Q. What does it take to make a squid giggle?
A. Ten tickles.

Q. What do marine biologists call cephalopod mating season?
A. Octo lust.

Q. What do you get when a cephalopod pees?
A. Octo piss.

Q. What do you get if you cross a dill pickle with a sea mollusk?
A. Crock-topus.

Q. What do you get if you cross an octopus with a hippo?
A. Grip-opotamus.

Q. How do you describe a wealthy mollusk's lifestyle?
A. Octo posh.

Q. What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
A. One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a jellyfish.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cephalopod with a snake?
A. An octo-python.

Q. Which kind of cephalopod won't ring the doorbell?
A. The knock-toppus.

Q. What do pothead cephalopods use to smoke their reefer?
A. An octo pipe.

Q. What do cephalopods say when they greet each other?
A. Octo hi!

Q. What is the name of the octopi's new chain of tattoo parlors?
A. Inc.

Q. What did the octopus do when he couldn't come up with a new tattoo design?
A. He put on his inking cap.

Spineless Sea Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, some call me Portuguese man-of-war, but I'm just the jellyfish of love.

Pick Up an Octopus Line: Hook your arms around me and let’s get out of this place.

Q. Why didn't the Baja fisherman brag about the number of squid he'd captured in the Sea of Cortez?
A. 'Cause he's a Humboldt man.

Q. Which ocean mollusk both swims and flies?
A. The octo pilot.

Q. Which kind of sea mollusk stays up all night?
A. The Noctopus.

Q. What is a group of Kraken that are trying to end their lives called?
A. Suicide squid.

Q. Which kind of pie is always served with eight forks?
A. The octo-pie.

Q. What does an octopus use to make jam preserves?
A. Fresh ocean currants.

Q. Why will an octopus always win a fight with a shark?
A.'Cause the octopus is so well-armed.

Q. What do octopi serve at a deep sea party?
A. Cheese and krakken.

Q. What is every squid's favorite Christmas music?
A. The Nut Krakken Suite.

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