Q. What is the number one pick-up line overheard at the bears' singles bar in South Park, Colorado?
A. What’s ursine?

Q. What did the bear on Pikes's Peak say when he saw campers in sleeping bags?
A. Yum. Hot Pockets!

Q. Why do bruins laugh at Painful Grizzly Puns?
A. 'Cause they're bearly funny.

Q. What do you call a friendly polar bear?
A. An ice guy!

Q. Which large arctic animal works for George Gallup?
A. The Poll-er Bear.

Cold Polar Bear Pick-Up Line: Ice day baby! I've become frost-smitten with you.

Q. What do you call a stoner polar bear?
A. A brr-rn out.

Q. Which bruin barber shop quartet singer sings the low notes?
A. The bear-itone.

Q. What is it called when you dream that a hungry Grizzly bear is chasing you through the woods?
A. A bite-mare.

Q. What color hair dye can a graying bear get at his barber shop?
A. Bear-i-tone.

Q. Which kind of bear comedian tells the most Painful jokes?
A. The Pun Duh.

Q. What happened at the impromptu party at the Chinese zoo?
A. It was pure Panda-monium.

Q. What do you call a bamboo bear that films offbeat movies all by itself?
A. Indie-panda-nt.

Q. What's black and white and yellow all over?
A. A cowardly panda.

Q. Why is the grizzly's favorite constellation Ursa Major, the Big Dipper?
A. Because it's a Great Bear, too!

Q. Even if you're not interested in astronomy, why should you at least learn about the constellation, Ursa Minor?
A. Because that's the bear minimum.

Have you heard the joke about Ursa Major? It's a long one, so please bear with us... GROAN!

Q. How are an angry Teddy bear and a lame joke alike?
A. They don't pack much of a punch.

Q. How do you start a teddy bear race?
A. Teddy, set, GO!

Q. What happens when you tell your toy Teddy bear that he's cute?
A. He plushes.

Q. What is Teddy bear poop called?
A. Fleeces.

Q. Why did the constipated thief steal everything in the toy store except for one Teddy bear?
A. 'Cause he couldn't take a Pooh.

Q. Why don't bears in Wyoming wear cowboy boots?
A. What's the point? They'd still have bear feet!

Q. What is a Grizzly bear's favorite place to catch a quick bite?
A. The local maul.

Down unda bear puns are not always high koala-ty, but they are bear-able. .

Q. How does a bruin apologize to hi mate?
A. He bear his heart and soul.

Q. Why did the brown bear have sticky fur?
A. Because his barber used a honey coms!

Unbearable Point to Ponder: If a bear farts in the woods and there's nobody around to hear it, does it still stink?

Q. Why should you never say hello to a brown bear's ass?
A. 'Cause you'll meet a grizzly end!

Q. How do grizzlies stay cool during summer?
A. They use bear conditioning.

Q. What do you call a lazy koala bear?
A. A pouch potato.

Q. Which kind of artic beast spends a lot of time on the toilet?
A. The Kohler Bear.

Q. What do arctic bears get if they sit in the snow for too long?
A. Polaroids!

Q. Which arctic beast wears a dapper derby on his head?
A. The bowler bear.

Q. Which kind of bear likes you today, but then might want to kill you tomorrow?
A. A bi-polar bear.

Q. Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo?
A. Because he'd rather spend his leisure time at the park!

Q. What do wildlife officers call it when there's a cave collapse and hibernating bears can't get out?
A. Un-bear-leave-able.

Q. What does a stylish lady Chinese bear wear while vacationing in Central America?
A. Panda-ma hat.

Q. What do black and white she bears wear while visiting Chicago?
A. Panda-loons.

Q. What's black and white and brown all over, and really smells bad?
A. The panda that rolled down the hill right onto a big pile of yak manure.

Q. Where do bruins lay their deceased brethren to rest?
A. In the local bear-ial grounds.

Q. Why did the baliff call the grizzly to the witness stand?
A. So he could bear witness.

Q. Why don't grizzlies let Aussies into the Bear Club?
A. 'Cause they don't koala-fy.

Q. What is the dumbest name the zoo came up with for the new Grizzly?
A. Barry.

Q. What's the easiest word to spell?
A. Panda. 'Cause all you need is P and A.

Q. What's black and white and blew allover?
A. A panda in a tornado.

Q. What do you get when you cross a panda with a cougar?
A. A Black Panta.

Q. How does a bamboo bear visiting Siberia say "yes!"?
A. Pain da!

Q. Why don't bruins need to use GPS?
A. 'Cause they never lose their bearrings.

Q. Where are you if you're driving down the the highway and see a bear, and then another?
A. On the road to bruin.

Q. What do bruins pack when they travel?
A. Just the bear neccessities.

Q. What do cannibal Teddy bears eat on Thanksgving?
A. Stuffing.

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