Q. What do you get if you cross a snake and a tart? A. Pie-Thon!   PainfulPuns.com - Animal Puns, Wildlie Humor, Beary Funny Jokes!

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Q. Why don't snakes have to weigh themselves? A. because they have their own scales!
Q. What do you get if you cross a snake and a robin? A. A swallow!

Q. What kind of snake is very different? A. Monty Python!
Rattlesnake says: Happy Rattler Day!


Bad Asp Jokes, Snake Puns, Adder Humor, Boa LOLs
Be charmed by bad asp puns, biting serpent humor, cobra LOLs and deadly funny snake bite jokes.

Rattlesnake Jokes, Boa Puns, Viper Active Humor
(Because Boa Jokes and Asp Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream If You're Worried About E-Reptile Dusfunction!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Crushing snake jokes, civil serpent humor, and hiss-torical snake puns ahead.
| Hiss-terical Snake Puns and Serpent Jokes | 2 | 3 | Dinosaur Jokes | Frog Jokes and Toad Puns |
| Lizard Laughs | Crocodile Jokes, Gator Puns | Turtle Jokes, Tortoise Puns | Pet Reptile Humor |
| Insect Jokes, Bug Puns | Bee Puns| Butterfly Jokes, Moth Puns | Housefly LOLs | Spider Jokes |

Q. How does a snake shoot at you? A.. With a boa and arrow!
Q. What did the snake give to his wife? A. A goodnight hiss!
Q. What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach? A. A Pythong!

Q. What does a she constrictor call her boyfriend?
A. Beau-a.

Q. Which kind of serpent comedian tells the worst jokes?
A. A corn snake.

Q. Which South American author wrote the captivating new romance thriller, My Last Big Crush?
A. Anna Khan Duh.

Q. Which refreshing beverage is made of snake juice?
A. S-asp-arilla.

Q. Why should you never flush a snake down the toilet?
A. Because it might come back to bite you in the asp.

Q. Why did the western snake rob a pawn shop?
A. 'Cause it wanted its diamondback.

Q. Which kind of large snake enjoys visiting California beach resorts?
A.The Big Sur-Pent.

Q. What do you call a viper that's not wearing any clothing?
A. Snaked!

Q. Which kind of venomous snake wears edible underwear?
A. The Pie-Thong!

Q. Why did the snake cross the road? A. To get to the other sssssss-ide!
Q. What's a snake's favorite subject in school? A. Hiss-Tory!
Q. What is a snake's favorite school subject? A. Math. It's an adder!

Q. Which kind of snake has a foul vocabulary?
A. The swear-pent.

Q. Why didn't the bartender serve the the snake that sidled up to the bar?
A. Because he couldn't hold his beer.

A rattlesnake walks into the bar. Stunned saloon keeper says, "How did you do that?"

Q. Which kind of snake only eats dessert?
A. The Pie-Thon.

Q. Which western snake makes horses run away really fast?
A. The spur-pent.

Q. What do you get when you cross an ostritch with a snake?
A. A big feather boa.

Q. Which kind of snake makes the best magician?
A. The Adder-cadabra.

Q. Why was the snake with ADHD so jittery today?
A. It ran out of Adderall.

Q. Why did the mother snake need to take the day off?
A. 'Cause her kids were so viper active.

Q. Why did a cobra ask a man for a date? A. Because he was a snake charmer!
Q. Did you hear about the related snakes that were in love? A. they were hissing cousins!
Q. What did a naughty little diamondback say to her big sister? A. Don't be such a rattle-tail!

Q. What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A. A Civil Serpent!

Q. What is it called when a big boa snake can't shed its skin?
A. E-reptile dysfunction!

Q. Which holiday is reviled by snakes?
A. St. Patrick's Day.

Q. Why wasn't the blonde afraid of snakes?
A. Because they're completely armless. DUH!

Q. What is it called when a bull snake can't slither?
A. E-reptile dysfunction!

Q. Which fashionable snake wears a decoration on her head?
A. The bow-a.

Q. How much cake do you serve a pet snake on its birthday?
A. Just a slither.

Q. What did the snake give to his wife?
A. A good night hiss.

Q. Which kind of snake is a snitch for the Phoenix police department?
A. The tattle-snake.

Q. What do you get if you cross a boa and a sheep? a. a wrap-around sweater!
Q. What type of snake does a baby play with? A. A rattlesnake!
Q. What do you get if you cross a frog and a snake? A. A junprope!

Q. Is it possible to get yarn from a snake?
A. Yes, but only after it sheds its skein.

Q. What do you get when you cross a bull with a viper?
A. A cattle-snake.

Q. Which kind of snake likes to build things?
A. The Boa Constructor.

Q. Who is a snake's favorite classic movie star?
A. Humphrey Boa-gart.

Q. Which section of the library should you avoid if you're afraid of snakes?
A. Hisss-tory.

Q. Why did the snake visit her gynocologist?
A. Because she needed a hiss-terectomy.

Q. Why don't serpents play craps?
A. 'Cause they always roll snake eyes.

Q. Which medication does a lisping snake take before giving a presentation?
A. Anti-hiss-tamines.

Q. Why shouldn't you ever throw a snake like a boomerang?
A. 'Cause it will come back to bite you.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pig with a serpent?
A. A boar constrictor.

Q. Which kind of snake do wild horses avoid?
A. The saddle-snake.

African Rock Python Pick-Up Line: Hey Eve, I hear you like big snakes?

Q. Which day of the week warms the heart of a snake? A. Sunday!
Q. What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A. A 20-foot long strip light that can squeeze you to death!
Q. How do you measure a snake? A. In inches. Snakes don't have feet!

Q. What do you call a scary snake invasion south of the Rio Grande?
A. Hiss-panic.

Q. What is a Cape Cobra's favorite subject in school?
A. Hiss-tory!

Q. What do you call snakes that design men's clothing?
A. Sir-pants.

Q. What do you get when you cross a newborn snake with a basketball?
A. A bouncing baby boa that dribbles.

Q. What's it called when you take a selfie with a rattlesnake?
A. A big misssstake!

Q. How do you make a baby diamondback cry?
A. Take away its rattle.

Hiss-terical Point to Ponder: Since small garden serpents don't have legs or feet and can't wear socks, why dp we call them garter snakes?

Q. What is the fear of snakes called?
A. Common sense!

Q. Why are snakes so hard to fool?
A. 'Cause you just can't pull their legs...

Q. What is it called when a rattlesnake can't produce venom?
A. E-reptile dysfunction!

Q. What is every plumbers favorite reptile?
A. The sink snake.

Q. How does a spoiled brat snake throw a tantrum?
A. She has a hissy fit.

| Snake Humor | 2 | 3 | Frog Jokes and Toad Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Dinosaur Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
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