Q. What did the chimp say when his sis got pregnant? A. Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!   PainfulPuns.com - Animal Puns, Wildlie Humor, Beary Funny Jokes!

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Q. Why did the banker take the blonde teller into the vault? A. For Safe Sex!
A chimp threw rhesus feces at zoo visitors because he wanted E.T. to GO Home!

Ape Chef Asks: Did you hear about the dominatrix chef? She beats the eggs and whips the cream!
Big Ape Asks: Why did the idiot go broke? A. He had no cents!

Ape Chef Asks: Why should you never insult an Italian baker? Because he'll beat the Focaccia!
Gorilla asks: Did you hear about the new banana diet? You don't lose much weight, but climbing trees is a breeze!


Big Ape Jokes, Gorilla Humor, Primate Puns
Monkey around with gorilla puns, great ape humor, orangutan laughs and King Kong jokes.

Gorilla Jokes, Baboon Puns, Hairy Ape Humor
(Because Primate Jokes and Gorilla Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Homo Sapien Sapiens at the Zoo!)
Warning: Proceed Cautiously Chimpanzee jokes, bonobo grins, King Kong humor and prime girl-illa puns ahead.
| Gorilla Jokes, Big Ape Puns, King Kong Humor | 2 | 3 | Chimpanee Jokes, Impish Chimp Puns |
| Cheeky Monkey Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Bigfoot Jokes | Sasquatch Jokes | Colorado Bigfoot Jokes |
| Stoner Monkey Jokes | 2 | Animal Pothead Puns | Animal Bar Jokes | Colorado Wildlife Jokes |

Q. How many gorillas does it take to change a light bulb? A. Only one, but it takes a butt load of ight bulbs!Gorilla Says: Hey Jane, It's Smooch Day!Q. How many gorillas does it take to change a light bulb? A. One one, but it takes a butt load of Bud Light!

Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!

Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!

Q. What do you call guys who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons.

Q. Why did the big ape spend so much time on the golf course?
A. He was perfecting his swing.

Q. What do you call a big baboon that's stuck in an air shaft?
A. Duct-ape.

Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!

Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.

Q. How do you make a sasquatch, a yeti, or a bigfoot laugh?
A. Tell it a gorilla joke!

Q. Which gorilla gal made it into the Playboy calendar?
A. Miss Ape-ril.

Q. What do you call a Girl-illa who works in a bar?
A. A monkey wench.

Q. Why did Bigfoot run around Colorado with a piece of raw meat on his head?
A. Some tourist called him a Big Grill-a!

Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.

Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had sex ape-peal.

Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!

Q. What did the clumsy ape say when he slipped on a banana peel?
A. Babe, it's looks like I'm falling for you.

Q. What does the big ape call hs penis?
A. King Kong.

Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.

Q. What do you get when an ape enters a minefield?
A. Bamboom.

Q. Which kind of big apes share an Amazon account?
A. Prime-Mates.

Q. What do big, drunken apes go do after they leave the liquor store?
A. They go babooz'N.

Clue You're Drinking a Crude Craft Beer: Instead of a wagon pulled by horses, your beer's ad features a wheelbarrow pushed by a big hairy ape.

Q. How did the dog warn his master a big ape was approaching?
A. He barked, "grrrri-i-lla."

Evolution Point to Ponder: It took millions of years for apes to evolve into homo sapien sapiens, but it only takes a six-pack in an hour for men to turn back into big apes.

Gorilla Chef Asks: Did you hear about the mean sadistic chef? He bestas the eggs and whips the cream!Q. How many auto mechanics does it tke to change a light bulb? A. Six. One to force it with a hammer and fie to go out for more bulbs!Chimp asks: Where does a monkey go to grab a beer? A. The monkey bars!

Q. What does a gorilla eat when he visits Paris?
A. Ape Suzettes.

Q. What do gorilla chefs wear while they're cooking?
A. Ape-rons.

Q. What do gorilla chefs in Paris say when it's time to eat?
A. Bon ape-tit.

Q. Which great apes enjoy eating seafood?
A. Shrimpanzees.

Q: What is a hairy ape's favorite cookie?
A: Chocolate chimp!

Q. Where do gorillas pick up rumors?
A. Over the ape-vine.

US Politics Point to Ponder: Isn't it ironic that a group of baboons is called a congress?

Q. Why shouldn't you get into a battle with monkeys?
A. They use gorilla warefare.

Q. What is it called when gibbons fall out of the sky?
A. Ape-ril Showers.

Q. What do you hand a big ape who's repairing your automobiles?
A. A monkey wrench.

Q. How do you fix a broken big ape?
A. Use Gorilla Glue.

Q. What do you call an angry grease monkey?
A. Furious George.

Q. What was it called when great apes first began to walk upright?
A. A big step forward.

Q. What is the missing link between the bass and an ape?
A. The baritone.

Q. What do you call a disaster that is a particular risk to primates?
A. A peril of monkeys.

Q. Which famous gorilla is a master at martial arts?
A. King Kong Fu.

King Kong Pick-Up Line: Babe, I'm falling for you!

Q. Where do gorillas go to work out?
A. To a jungle gym.

Q. What does a cultured gorillas enjoy before a gourmet meal?
A. An ape-ritif.

A priest, a rabbi, and a gorilla walk into a bar. Bartender says to the gorilla, "Sorry I can't serve you. You're in the wrong joke."

Q. What did the gorilla order at the bar?
A. Ape-ricot Brandy.

A big ape walks into a bar and orders a Bud Light. Bartender says, "Okay. That'll be $20. I must say we don't see many gorillas in here." Gorilla replies, "No wonder, with prices like that."

Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the Monkey Bar on the other side.

Q. What did the big ape order at the bar?
A. A sass-gorilla.

A priest, a clown, and a gorilla walk into a bar. Bartender says, "Not again! Is this this some kind of joke?"

Q. What is it called when chimps and baboons split hairs about correct word usage?
A. A matter of simian-tics.

Gorilla Asks: Why do cheap guys watch porno movies backward? A. they like the part where the hooker gives the money back!A Monkey Was Arrested for Throwing Rhesus Feces at the Patrons. He Was Charged with Turd Debris Assault.Q. Why did a guy keep throwing monopoly money at the stripper? A. She kept putting fake boobs in his face!

Q. Why don't gorillas ever play cards in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs there.

Q. What do you call a busty primate who works at Hooters?
A. A monkey wench.

Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!

Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla and an inmate?
A. A Kong-vict.

Q. why did the big ape jump off the tall building?
A. He wanted to show Hollywood exactly what he was made of.

Q. Who is the hair stylist for big apes in Hollywood?
A. Vidal Baboon.

Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.

Q. Why did the YouTube channel that features baboons, orangutans, and chimps opening bananas go viral?
A. 'Cause it's ape peeling!

Q. Why did King Kong climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
A. He had a plane to catch.

Q. What sound does a gorilla's doorbell make?
A. King Kong.

Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!

Hairy Primate Fact of the Day: Big apes who tell you that they're constipated are full of crap.

Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!

Q. What do you call an explosive primate fart?

Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.

Q. Which area at the zoo showcases baboons and bees?
A. The ape-iary.

Q. Why do big apes have bad manners?
A. 'Cause they were raised in a zoo!

Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.

Q. What is the first thing monkeys learn in school?
A. The Ape B Cs.

Q. What do you call someone who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.

Q. What do big ape attorneys study?
A. The law of the jungle.

Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.

Q. Why did big baboons ride the carousel at the amusement park?
A. They just wanted to monkey around.

Q. Which large primate is the most naughty?
A. The Big Badboon.

Q. What do you call the homeless ape in the orchestra's woodwind section?
A. Oboe Bonobo Hobo.

Q. What do you call a one-armed gorilla?
A. Ape-utee.

Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.

Q. Which kind of primate enjoys sun bathing?
A. The Orangutan.

Q. Why did the ad agency hire a bunch of baboons?
A. For the big new gorilla marketing campaign.

Q. Why did King Kong scale to the top of the Empire State Building?
A. He wanted to climb to the top of the business world.

Q. Which kind of primate works in a call center?
A. The Who-rang-u-tan.

Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.

Q. How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb? A. Six. You got a problem with that, pal?Spock Says to Dr. Smith: It is illogical to name your chimp Debbie!Gorilla Asks: Why are hermits always penniless? A. Because they're loaners!

Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.

Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.

Q. Why couldn't the big baboon get into trade school?
A. He failed the Ape-titude test.

Q. Which type of great ape plays the drums?
A. The Bamboom.

Q. What do you call an angry big ape?
A. Grrrr-illa.

Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.

Q. What do you call the big ape who made the winning play in the Super Bowl?
A. Chimpion!

Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!

Q. Why did King Kong climb up the outside of the Empire State Building?
A. 'Cause the elevator was full

Q. What is it called when two tribes of great apes battle each other?
A. Gorilla warfare.

Q. Which country was founded by wild primates?
A. The Banana Republic.

Q. What was the orangutan gardener's favorite saying?
A. Ape-ril showers bring May flowers.

Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.

Q. Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
A. He had to attend to some cheeky monkey biz on the other side.

Q. Which primate is both frugal and cowardly?
A. The Cheap Pansy.

Q. What kind of underwear do sexy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.

Q. What do you get if you cross a hairy ape and a shellfish?
A. A shrimpanzee!

Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.

Q. What do you call a hungry ape that prays for nacho flavor Doritos?
A. A chimpmonk.

Q. Where did the bonobo like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea.

Q. Why don't chimpanzees speak English?
A. They just don't have the ape-titude.

Q. Which cheeky rock band is still the favorite of baboons and orangutans?
A. The Monkees.

Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.

Q. What is a big ape's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.

Q. Which kind of primate can fly?
A. A hot-air baboon.

Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.

Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.

Big Ape Pick-Up Line: Hey Jane, are you a gorilla enclosure? 'Cause I'd drop my baby in you.

Q. What do big apes and cheeky chimps do for laughs?
A. They tell jokes about people – and bananas.

Gorilla Gym Rat Groan of the Day: Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!

Q. What is a primate's favorite flavor of ice cream?
A. Banana Chocolate Chimp.

Q. Where do jungle apes get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.

Q. Why was the big gorilla so uncooth?
A. Because he was raised in a zoo.

Q. Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A. Because they have big fingers.

Q. Why did the gorilla fail his High School finals?
A. He had little ape-titude.

Q. What is a gorilla's favorite fruit?
A. Ape-ricots.

Q. What is a primate's favorite novel?
A. The Apes of Wrath.

Q. Where do chimpanzees shop for stylish clothing?
A. Banana Republic.

Q. Why are baboons always drinking in the park?
A. 'Cause there are monkey bars there.

Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.

Q. What is King Kong's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.

Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.

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