Q. How do wild animals born in captivity learn all about how the birds and the bees do it?
A. They take a look at the Kama Zootra.

Q. How do you get a wild Tibetan ox used to its new zoo habitat?
A. You yak-limate it.

Q. How do captive wildebeests prefer their zoo habitat be decorated?
A. In gnu-tral colors.

Q. What do wildebeests at the Denver Zoo watch on television?
A. 9Gnus.

Q. Which kind of dinosaur could never be kept captive in a zoo?
A. Free-Rex.

Q. Who cleans up all the human litter at the zoological park?
A. The zoo sweeper.

Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. Mate, there's no need to pry.

Q. How do you catch a fugitve gorilla that's excaped from the zoo?
A. You ape-prehend him.

Q. What do zoo visitors call a disgusting act by a gorilla?
A. Ape-horrent.

Q. Which communications app do social captive primates enjoy the most?
A. Zoo-m.

Big Ape Pick-Up Line: Hey Jane, are you a gorilla enclosure? 'Cause I'd drop my baby in you. mate.

Q. Which martial art do baboons and orangutans practice to protect themselves from the big apes in the primate house?
A. Jujit-zoo.

Q. What did the leopard at the zoo say after eating a hot dog?
A. Yum, that really hit the spot.

Q. What did the blonde zookeeper want to name the new baby leopard?
A. Spot.

Q. Why do spotted cats have the cleanest teeth at the zoo?
A. 'Cause they fl-ocelot.

Q. Which journalist covered the story about the baby lions at the zoo?
A. The cub reporter.

Q. What do Aussies call an asylum for insane roos?
A. Kanga zoo.

Q. What do you call the guy who peers into the hole in the ladies restroom at the city wildlife park?
A. A zoo peeper.

Q. Why shouldn't you ever take a bear to the zoo?
A. Because he'd rather spend his leisure time at the park!

Q. What do they call the Aussie bear at the Warsaw zoo?
A. Koalaski.

Q. Why didn't the mate get the zookeeper job at the Sidney zoo?
A. 'Cause he was unda koala-fied.

Q. What happened at the impromptu party at the Chinese zoo?
A. It was pure Panda-monium.

Q. After the bear escaped from the zoo in Oklahoma, where did it go?
A. To the panda-handle.

Q. What's black and white and bleu all over?
A. The panda at the Paris zoo.

Q. What do big apes and cheeky chimps at the zoo do for laughs?
A. They tell jokes about people – and bananas.

Q. Which musical instrument does Bobo the bonobo play to entertain zoological garden visitors?
A. The zoos-aphone.

Q. Which area at the zoo showcases baboons and bees?
A. The ape-iary.

Q. What starts up in the zoo's primate exhibit at sunrise?
A. Monkey shines.

Q. When is the best time to visit the primate exhibit at the Denver Zoo?
A. Any gibbon day of the week.

Q. What is even stronger than Gorilla Glue?
A. Zoo-per Glue.

Q. Which animal at the zoo makes rude and mocking remarks at human visitors?
A. The Jeer-affe.

Q. What do you call the most stupid, selfish and annoying animal at the zoo – after it spit at you?
A. Big jerk-affe!

Q. What is the featured animal of the day at the Paris zoo?
A. The jour-affe.

Q. Why did vets at the zoo quarantine the tallest animals?
A. 'Cause they were germ-affes.

Q. Who designs all the signage for the zoo?
A. The giraffic artist.

Q. What is the name of the anmal sanctuary for the tallest land amimals with runny noses?
A. Giraffe Sick Park.

Q. What is it called when lions, tigers, and cheetahs escape from the zoo?
A. A BIG CATastrophe!

Big Cat Groan of the Day: A zoo visitor jumped the barrier to feed the tigwr. Yup, feed them, he did!

Q. What happened after a lion and a tiger escaped the zoo with a jaguar?
A. They were captured five miles away when the Jaguar got a flat tire.

Q. Which kind of menagerie only features nocturnal birds?
A. A zo-owl-logiccal park.

Q. Why do so many animals represent the astrological signs?
A. 'Cause it's the Zoodiac.

Q. Why are polar bears cheap to house in a zoo?
A. 'Cause they live on ice.

Q. Which scientific and cultural facility do Bigfoots avoid in Colorado?
A. The Denver Zoo.

Q. Which sport do big gorillas compete in to etertain human onlookers?
A. Zoo-mo wrestling.

Q. Why are escaped chimpanzees from the zoo always drinking in Denver's City Park?
A. 'Cause there are monkey bars there.

Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.

Q. What is the dumbest name the zoo came up with for the new Grizzly?
A. Barry.

Q. What happened after the Chinese zoo put a half man, half horse o exhibit?
A. It became the centaur of attention.

Q. Which criminal set all the animals free at the local petting zoo?
A. The escape goat.

Q. Who is the head guy at the new wildlife park?
A. The zoo-pervisor.

Q. What did the well-dressed captive elephant wear?
A. A zoo-t suit.

Q. What did the zoo vet give the elephant that suffered from anxiety attacks?
A. Turnkquilizers.

Blonde Zoo Keeper: I lost one of the elephants.
Head Zoo Keeper: Did you put an ad in the newspaper lost and found section?
Blonde: No silly, elephants can't read. DUH!

Did you hear the city zoo is hiring a vet tech to do elephant circumcisions? The pay's not great, but the tips are enormous.

Q. What do you call a tiger held captive in a Bangkok zoo?
A. Thai-grrr.

Q. Why did the zookeeper make such a great actor?
A. 'Cause he knows all of his lions.

Q. Which bus route is the fastest to the new big cat habitat at the city zoo?
A. The mane lion.

Q. What happened when the river mammals all escaped from the zoo?
A. It was an otter chaos.

Q. Why do so many animals represent the astrological signs?
A. 'Cause it's the Zoodiac.

Q. Why is the best wildlife park in the world located in South Africa?
A. 'Cause it's managed by the Zoo-lu people.

Q. Which brand of throat lasenge do vets give the laughing hyenas at the African animal park?
A. Zoo-crets.

Q. What do they call the pervert who lurks around the animal park?
A. The zoo creeper.

Q. What happened when a tornado demolished the truck transporting tortoises to the zoo?
A. It was a turtle disaster.

Q. What is the name of the newest lizard at the zoo's reptile exhibit?
A. Ig-Wanda.

Q. How do you know you're at a redneck zoo?
A. Recipies are included on the informational signage in front of each wildlife enclosure.

Q. Where can you find a zoo that doesn't have any anmals?
A. At the Air Zoo museum in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Q. Which zoological park in Europe has the easiest name to remember?
A. Zoo Zurich.

Q. Which of Jupiter's Galilean moons may feature an alien wildlife preserve under its ice?
A. Zooropa.

Q. Which zoological park employee mourns the loss of animals?
A. The zoo weeper.

Q. Why did zookeepers name the new arctic wolf "Frost"?
A. 'Cause Frost bites.

Q. If the Denver Zoo opened a brew pub, which beer would they serve?
A. Hungry Hungry Hoppos.

Q. What do they call the two guys who lock the cages at the zoo?
A. The zoo key pair.

Denver Zoo Fact of the Day: Mile High Broncos football fans really do know what zebras are!

Q. Why did the blonde zookeeper put a loaf of rye on display in a cage?
A. 'Cause it was bread in captivity. DUH!

Q. Which musical instrument is a favorite of captive animals in American zoological parks?
A. The kazoo.

Q. Which classical music conductor led the Colorado Symphony performance at Denver's zoological park?
A. Zoobin Mehta.

Q. Which employee at the wildlife park is in charge of piling up the day's animal dung?
A. The zoo heaper.

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