Q. What does a gardener call peas and carrots that don't want to be together?
A. Steamed veggies.

Q. What did the veggie gardener get when he cross a melon with broccoli?
A. A melon-coli salad.

Q. What is a green vegetable gardener's favorite movie?
A. The Broccoli Horror Picture Show.

Q. What do you get if you cross broccoli and a Vampire?
A. Count Broccula!

Q. Why did the green grower get kicked out of the garden?
A. For publically taking a pea!

Q. What do you say to a backyard gardner whose crop is knee-high by the 4th of July?
A. Corn-gratulations!

Q. Who is the father of really bad garden veggie jokes?
A. Pop Corn!

Q. How do you describe a really corny garden veggie pun?
A. Truly ear-ful.

Q. Why does fresh homegrown sweet corn make everything better?
A. 'Cause it's so a-maize-ing.

Q. What do vegetable gardeners say to uncooperative corn with a bad attitude?
A. Just go shuck yourself.

Q. How do you know how long to leave sweet corn on the BBQ grill?
A. Just play it by ear.

Q. What do vegetable gardeners call plump ears of corn?
A. Husk-y.

Q. Why did the vegetable gardener leave the store without a new shovel?
A. Because he didn't have enough cabbage.

Q. Why did the purple cabbage win the race in the veggie garden?
A. Because it was ahead!

Garden Salad Point to Ponder: If you wear cowboy boots and western wear while you work in your backyard lettuce patch, are you ranch dressing?

Q. Which will win the salad race: the lettuce, a faucet, or a tomato?
A. The lettuce is a head, the faucet is still running, and the tomato will eventually ketchup.

Q. Why did an ear of corn, a head of cabbage, a carrot and cucumber all jump into the ocean?
A. 'Cause they're all C foods.

Q. Where do garden veggies go to have a few drinks after hours?
A. The salad bar.

Veggie Laugh of the Day: Please romaine calm and enjoy your fresh green, leafy garden salad!

Q. What did carrots say to parsnips during the garden veggie race?
A. Lettuce rest. I'm feeling beet.

Garden Veggie Point to Ponder: Can Bok bring you Choy? If so, then Lettuce all smile!

Q. What do you call a vegetarian gardener with diarrhea?
A. A Salad Shooter.

Q. What do gardeners call a garden veggie in the basement?
A. Cellar-y.

Q. How do you compliment a vegetable gardener's fall harvest?
A. Smashing Pumpkins, Man!

Q. Why was the backyard gardener so teffified by his pumpkins?
A. Because after he watered the seeds, they grew some and then grew some more!

Q. Where do pumpkins grow best?
A. On the seedy side of town.

Q. What does a gourd grower use to mend his torn overalls?
A. A pumpkin patch.

Q. How does a pumpkin feel growing out in the pumppkin patch?
A. Just vine,

Q. Which kind of pumpkins and squash have the magical ability to speak?
A. Vocal gourds.

Q. Which veggies are the strongest garden growers?
A. Muscle Sprouts!

Botanists have developed a garden vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth. It's called Bristle Sprouts.

Q. What is every poetveggie gardener's favorite legume?
A. Rhyme-a beans.

Q. Growing which garden veggie ties up a lot of a gardener's time?
A. String Beans!

Q. What do gardeners call a retired veggie?
A. A has bean.

Q. Why shouldn't gardeners reveal secrets in the legume patch?
A. Because they might spill the beans.

Veggie Garden Come-On: Hey girl, not to sound corny, but I think you are a-maize-ing!

Q. Which kind of fresh sweet corn jokes are the funniest?
A. The ones that really pop.

Q. Which garden veggies did the vegan witch use in her magic potions?
A. Ear of corn and eye of potato.

Q. Why did the garden jalapeno put on a sweater?
A. Because it was a little chile.

Q. What happens if you eat too many homgrown green peppers?
A. You get a bell-y-ache.

Chile Peppeer Gardening Fact of the Day: Habaneros bite!

Q. What does a nosy garden pepper do?
A. Gets jalapeno business.

Pepper Grower Point to Ponder: If it's chilie inside, should you turnip the heat?

Q. What does an artichoke say when you eat fresh garden salad?
A. Aw, have a heart!

Q. Why did the man from Oz eat fresh artichokes?
A. He sought heart.

Q. What is the most awesome homegrown garden veggie?
A. The RAD-ish.

Q. Which garden vegetable is small, red, and whispers?
A. A Hoarse Radish.

Q. Why was the tomato plant arrested?
A. It was caught stalking the pole beans.

Q. Why couldn't the tomato roll down the hill faster than the lettuce and onions in the vegetable race?
A. Because tomatoes are fruits, not veggies!

Q. How does a dentist describe his thriving veggie garden?
A. Ahh-some!

Q. Why did the vegetable gardener need a cork?
A. Because his garden sprung a leek!

Q. Which garden vegetables do podiatrists see most often?
A. B-onions and corns.

Q. Which kind of garden onions have rhyme and rhythm
A. Rap scallions.

Q. What do cloves use for money?
A. Garlic bread.

Q. Which are the worst fresh garden veggies veggies to serve on a boat?
A. Leeks!

Q. What do you get if you cross a donkey and an onion?
A. A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eye!

Garden Wisdom: Life is like an onion. You peel off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.

Q. Why do potatoes make good garden detectives?
A. Because they keep their eyes peeled.

Q. Why do hipsters gardeners really dig carrots?
A. Because they're underground.

Q. Why do carrots growing in the garden have so much trouble quitting bad habits?
A. 'Cause they're deep-rooted issues.

Q. How does a gardener know that the veggies he's growing are on his side?
A. They're always rooting for him!

There is peace and caring out in the veggie garden! Well actually ... peas and carrots.

Q. Which veggie watches over all the elderly vegetables in the garden patch?
A. The carrot-aker.

Vegetable Gardener's Anti Pick-Up Line: Dude, I don't carrot all!

Q. What do gardeners call a cucumber from the rainforest?
A. A Tro-pickle.

Q. What is every garden cucumber's favorite letter?
A. They always pick L!

Q. What does a skeptical gardener say to the cucumber?
A. Are you gherkin my chain?

Q. Which musical instrument do cucumbers play out on the vine?
A. The Pickle-O.

Q. Which radio station genre can cucumber gardeners hear Bob Dill on?
A. Vlassic rock.

Q. What is a cucumber's favorite movie?
A. The Brining, starring Jack Pickleson.

Q. What did one cucumber say to another?
A. This is a fine pickle you've gotten us into!

Vegetable growing puns make me feel good from my head tomatoes.

Q. Which garden tomato variety smells the best?
A. A Roma.

Q. Why did Miss Tomato turn red?
A. She saw Mr. Green Pea over the fence!

Q. What do veggie gardeners call a red potato that tries to pass as a tomato?
A. An imi-tater!

Q. Which variety of slicing tomato do home gardeners in Hollywood prefer?
A. Celebrity.

Q. How can you tell if your tomato plants drink alcohol when you're not looking?
A. They're tomato sauced!

Ripe Tomato Fact of the Day:Healthy Tidbit of the Day: Vegetable gardening is cheaper than therapy, plus you get tomatoes!

Q. Which hearty root veggie crop produces sugar and smiles?
A. Beets me?

Did you hear about the fresh garden vegetable that was acquitted of manslaughter? Yeah, he beet the rap!

Q. Why did the veggie band sound so different in concert?
A. They were missing a beet!

Q. What is a veggie gardener's favorite retro game show?
A. Beet the Clock.

Q. Which vegetables do cardiologists like to grow in their home gardens?
A. Beets.

Q. What happened after the guy quit eating homegrown vegetables?
A. His heart missed a beet.

Q. What is a vegan rock drummer's favorite vegetable?
A. Beets.

Q. How does a gardener throw a hearty backyard party on Saturday night?
A. By turning up the beet!

Q. How do you describe somebody who doesn't like green garden vegetables?
A. Reddy to march to a different beet.

Q. Why did corn wrongly get sent to garden jail?
A. For stalking the sweet peas.

Q. What is a vegetable gardener's favorite novel?
A. War and Peas.

Retro Hippie Veggie Gardener Thought of the Day: Bean thinking how up-beet I yam about all the growing peas and love, man.

Q. Why did Gregor Mendel fail at handwriting class?
A. Because he kept crossing his Peas.

Giant Green Gardener's Wisdom: Growing your own veggie garden will bring peas on earth!

Q. What does the Green Giant wear when he goes to a corporate board meeting?
A. A three peas suit.

Q. What do vegie gardener's call an angry legume?
A. Grump pea.

Q. Which kind of vegetable do librarians frow in the backyard plot?
A. Quiet Peas!

Q. Why don't peas rule the world today?
A. Due to the dawning of the Age of Asparagus.

When garden vegetables want to converse with petunias, they use a cell phone and cauliflower.

Q. What was the incontinent farmer's biggest problem?
A. He managed the carrots, but could not control his peas!

Q. What made the carrot so embarrassed?
A. It saw the chick pea!

Q. Why are orange root veggies the coldest?
A. 'Cause they don't carrot at all.

Q. Why did the blonde gardener plant each potato in a paper lunch bag?
A. She wanted to keep the dirt out of their eyes!

Q. What is a lazy veggie gardener called?
A. A couch potato.

Q. Which garden veggie is a favorite of vegetarians?
A. Eggplant.

Q. Why does Santa grow tomatoes during the his off season?
A. He likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

Q. How do corn gardeners decorate at Christmas time?
A. They hang stalkings from the fireplace mantel.

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