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Farm Humor: An Expert Farmer is Outstanding in His Field

Q. How are pirates and strawberry farmers different? A. A pirate buries his treasure but a farmer treasures his berries!
Q. What do you call a cabbage with a good body? A. Head and shoulders above the rest!

Q. Why should you never take a pea from a pirate? A. Because he'll become irate!

Q. How do you fix a broken tomato? A. With tomato paste!
Q. Why didn't anyone laugh at the gardener's jokes? A. Because they were too corny!


Farm Crop Jokes, Fresh Produce Puns, Corny LOLs
Cultivate big grins with cabbage patch puns, spud humor, gourd-geous grins and farmer jokes.

Farm Fresh Jokes, Croppy Puns, Vegetable Humor
('Cause Delectable Crop Jokes 'n Deliciously Corny Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for the Farmer in the Dell!)
Warning: Proceed Cautiously! Un-beet-able jokes, patchy humor, berry sweet laughs and plow-erful puns ahead.
| Farm Crop Puns | Farmer Jokes | Farmer's Market Jokes | Veggie Growing Puns | Melon Patch |
| Corn Jokes | Carrot Jokes | Potato Puns | Criminal Farm Jokes | Pig Puns | Chicken Jokes |
| Dairy Farm Jokes | Cow Puns | Horse Humor | Farm Music | Fun On the Farm | Farm Hookups |

Q. How does a farmer mend his pants? A. With a cabbage patch!
Gnomes with Pot Leaves: Do You Live in a Corn Field? 'Cause I'm Stalking You
Why Did the Farmer Quit? His celery wasn't high enough!

Q. What was the incontinent farmer's biggest problem?
A. He managed the carrots, but could not control his peas!

Q. Why did Miss Tomato turn red?
A. She saw Mr. Green Pea over the fence!

Q. What does the farmer call an angry legume?
A. Grump pea.

Q. Which kind of vegetable do librarians like most?
A. Quiet Peas!

Q. What made the carrot so embarrassed?
A. It saw the chick pea!

There is peace and caring out at the vegetable farm! Well actually ... peas and carrots.

Q. What do farmers call peas and carrots that don't want to be together?
A. Steamed veggies.

Q. How do you describe a really corny pun?
A. Truly ear-ful.

Q. What do you call a group of extraterrestrials that hold regular meetings in a corn field?
A. A crop circle.

Q. Why is it hard to keep secrets on a farm?
A. Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.

Q. What do you say to uncooperative corn with a bad attitude?
A. Just go shuck yourself.

Q. What do farmers use to create crop circles?
A. A Protractor.

I tried to navigate the farmer's field, but it was a maize!

Q. What does a farmer call a rooster that's trained to remove corn husks?
A. A cock shucker.

Q. What did the lettuce say to the celery?
A. Quit stalking me!

Q. What is every poet's favorite legume?
A. Rhyme-a beans.

Q. What do you call a retired veggie?
A. A has bean.

Q. Which vegetable is the fastest?
A. A Runner Bean!

Q. Why was the tomato plant arrested?
A. It was caught stalking the pole beans.

Q. Why shouldn't farmers reveal secrets in the legume patch?
A. Because they might spill the beans.

Q. Which kind of beans can't be grown on a farm?
A. Jelly Beans.

Q. Growing which veggie crop ties up a lot of a farmer's time?
A. String Beans!

After realizing just how much corn he had for sale, the farmer grinned from ear to ear!
Q. What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon? A. Pork Rinds!
Q. Which veggie are all others afraid of? A. A scarrot!

Q. Why couldn't the chicken eat the farmer's blue rihbon corn?
A. 'Cause it was im-peckable.

Q. Why was the corn ordering the cabbage around?
A. 'Cause it was the Kernel.

Q. Why did the Iowa farmer fire the corn?
A. For sleeping on the cob.

Q. What do farmers call an exceptionally plump ear of sweet corn?
A. Husk-y.

Q. What did the farmer get when he crossed maize with a cow?
A. Corned Beef.

Q. What do you get when a steamroller drives into a maize field?
A. Creamed corn.

Q. What do you say to an Iowa farmer whose crop is knee-high by the 4th of July?
A. Corn-gratulations!

Q. Which fruit crop is not afraid to take a swim?
A. Watermelon!

Q. What do you get if you cross a melon and broccoli?
A. A melon-coli salad.

Q. How did the watermelon farmer feel after getting a blue ribbon at the county fair?
A. Like a melon bucks!

Q. What do you get if you cross a melon and broccoli?
A. A melon-coli salad.

Q. What is the farmer's guideline for determining watermelon ripeness?
A. Rule of thump.

Q. Why did the ecological melon farmer always compost all the waste from the farm?
A. Because a rind is a terrible thing to waste!

Q. Which color-changing crop is hard for a farmer to find?
A. Chamelons!

Q. Why do hipsters really dig carrots?
A. Because they're underground.

Q. Why are orange root veggies the coldest?
A. 'Cause they don't carrot at all.

Q. What do you call a carrot that insults a rabbit?
A. A fresh vegetable.

Q. Why couldn't the young carrot go to its friend's house?
A. 'Cause it was grounded!

Did you hear about two women digging in the garden? One dug up a foot-long carrot and said, "This reminds me of my husband." Second woman asks, "Your husband is that long?" She answers, "No, that dirty!"

Q. Which veggie watches over all the elderly vegetables?
A. The carrot-aker.

Q. Why did the carrot get an award?
A. Because it was outstanding in its field!

Q. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? A. Because it's all heart!
What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit? Straw-berries!
What is the difference between spinach & boogers? Kids won't eat spinach.

Q. What do zombie tomatoes say when they knock on your door?
A. Lettuce in!

Q. What is the most awesome veggie?
A. The RAD-ish.

Q. What is small, red, and whispers?
A. A Hoarse Radish.

Q. What did carrots say to parsnips during the veggie race?
A. Lettuce rest. I'm feeling beet.

Q. What do you call somebody who doesn't like green vegetables?
A. One who marches to a different beet.

Retro Hippie Farmer Thought of the Day: Bean thinking how up-beet I yam about all the growing peas and love, man.

Q. What new crop did the farmer plant?
A. Beets me...

Q. What is a cardiologist's favorite vegetable?
A. Beets.

Q. What did the strawberry plant say to the farmer?
A. Stop picking on me!

Q. How does a resourceful farmer fix a broken fruit crop?
A. With a strawberry patch.

Q. Why do farmers consider strawberries to be the most musical fruit crop?
A. 'Cause they're really into jammin'.

Q. Why don't strawberries socialize with blueberries and raspberries at the fruit farm?
A. Because blueberries are always sad, and raspberries are too facetious.

Q. What did the fruity pirate farmer wear over one eye?
A. A strawberry patch!

Farm Fresh Point to Ponder: If a strawberry tells blackberry jokes, is that racist?

Q. What happened when the fruit farmer decided to specialize in nectarines?
A. Everything was peachy keen.

Q. What is the strongest vegetable crop on the farms?
A. Muscle Sprouts!

Q. What happens if you eat too many green peppers fresh from the farm?
A. You get a bell-y-ache.

Q. What did the farmer get when he crossed broccoli and a Vampire?
A. Count Broccula!

Q. What is a vegetable farmer's favorite movie?
A. The Broccoli Horror Picture Show.

Q. Which are the worst veggies to serve on a boat?
A. Leeks!

Q. What is a chicken's favorite vegetable crop?
A. Eggplant.

Q. Which vegetable crops do plumbers like best?
A. Leeks!

A farmer enjoys gazing at his pumkin patch becuase it's so gourd-geous!
Q. What's the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer? A dressmaker sews what she gathers and a farmer gathers what he sows!
Q. What is another name for Brussels sprouts? A. Cabbage Patch Kids!

Q. Why was the farmer so teffified by his pumpkins?
A. Because after he watered the seeds, they grew some and then grew some more!

Q. What does a gourd grower use to mend his torn overalls?
A. A pumpkin patch.

Q. Who is the leader of the big orange autumn gourds?
A. The pump-king.

Q. How does a pumpkin feel growing out in the pumppkin patch?
A. Just vine,

Q. Why were the pumpkins that grew up out in the garden patch lifelong friends?
A. 'Cause they had deep roots.

Q. What happened to the guy who was hit by a 200-pound catapulted gourd during Pumpkin Chunkin?
A. He was squashed. SPLAT!

Q. What are big, orange Halloween gourds truly afraid of?
A. Things that go pumpkin the night.

Q. What is an overweight gourd called?
A. A plump-kin.

Q. What do you say to compliment a vegetable gardener?
A. Smashing Pumpkins!

Q. Why did the blonde farmer plant each potato in a paper lunch bag?
A. She wanted to keep the dirt out of their eyes!

Q. What does a farmer do to convince a potato to do what he wants?
A. Just butter him up!

Q. What does a farmer call a red potato that tries to pass as a tomato?
A. An imi-tater!

Q. Which kind of farm crop needs to wear glasses?
A. A spec-tater.

Q. Why did the blonde farmer drive a steam roller through her Idaho spud field right before Thanksgiving?
A. 'Cause she was growing mashed potatoes.

Q. Which kind of potato is always looking for a fight?
A. An agi-tater!

Q. What does a farmer call a potato that doesn't want to get into hot water?
A. Hez-a-tater.

Q. What do potatoes wear to bed?
A. Their yammies.

Q. What do farmers call lazy spuds?
A. Couch potatoes.

Q. Which will win the salad race: the lettuce, a faucet, or a tomato?
A. The lettuce is a head, the faucet is still running, and the tomato will eventually ketchup.

Q. Why did the Alabama farmer plant yeast in his field?
A. So the South can rise again!

Q. Why did an ear of corn, a head of cabbage, a carrot and cucumber all jump into the ocean?
A. 'Cause they're all C foods.

Q. Why was the corn ordering the cabbage around?
A. 'Cause it was the Kernel.

Q. Why did the farmer's corn wrongly get sent to jail?
A. For stalking the sweet peas.

Q. Who is the father of really bad veggie jokes?
A. Pop Corn!

Q. How are some farmers cruel?
A. They pull corn by the ears!

Q. Why do potatoes argue so much?
A. They just can't see eye to eye!

Q. How do corn farmers decorate at Christmas time?
A. They hang stalkings from the fireplace mantel.

| Farm Crop Puns | Farmer Jokes | Farmer's Market Jokes | Veggie Growing Puns | Melon Patch |
| Farm Jokes, Farm Animal Puns | Dairy Farm Jokes | Fun On the Farm | Farm Pick-Up Lines |
| Chicken Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Chicken Cross the Road | Rooster Puns | Goose Jokes | Duck Puns |
| Cow Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Cow On Moon | Bull Puns | Beefy Humor | Ranch Puns, Cowboy Jokes |
| Horse Jokes, Pony Puns | 2 | 3 | Donkey Jokes, Ass Puns | Broncos Jokes | Animal Poop Puns |
| Farm Crime LOLs and Cow Cop Jokes | Pig Jokes | 2 | 3 | Baad Sheep Puns | Farm Music Jokes |
| Farm Animal Astronaut Jokes | Garden Animal Jokes | Animal Pick-Up Lines | Wild Animal Jokes |
| Animal Music Jokes | Pet Puns | Sports Animal Jokes | Party Animal Puns | Xmas Animal Puns |

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