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Policemen
Puns, Crime Jokes, Slammer Humor
Lockup
illegal laughs, undercover spy humor, covert puns, and criminally funny
jail jokes.
Police Jokes, Undercover Humor, Cop Puns
(Because Cops and Robbers Jokes
Could Never Be TOO Mainstream if You're in the
Jury Box or Penitentiary!) |
Warning:
Proceed with Car-tion! Jail inmate jokes, cop humor, criminal
crack-ups and wired police puns ahead.
| Police Jokes, Cop Puns | 2
| 3 | 4 |
5 | 6 | 7
| 8 | 9 |
Arresting Jokes | Police
Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Detective Jokes | Traffic
Cop Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber
Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns
|
| Barely Legal Jokes, Criminal Puns
| 2 | Gun
Jokes | Explosion Jokes, Bomb
Puns | Killer Humor |
| Lawyer Jokes | Judge
Jokes | Traffic Humor | Drunk
Puns | Weed Jokes | Denver
Cop Jokes |
Q.
What do you say when you're comforting the grammer police?
A. Their, They're, There...
Q.
What did the blonde policewoman wear to the stake out?
A. An underwire bra!
Q.
Why did the cops pull over the Mini Cooper full of clowns?
A. For the fun of it, plus they obviously weren't wearing
seat belts. |
Q.
What do you call consecutive jail terms?
A. Run on sentences.
Q.
How is a sinking ship like a person in jail?
A. Both need to be bailed out!
Did
you hear about the kidnapping? It's okay, he's still asleep.
Q.
When did the criminal finally get wise?
A. After the judge threw the book at him!
|
Q.
Which kind of spider has natural criminal tendencies?
A. Baddy Long Legs.
Q.
Where do the cops put vampires before booking them?
A. In red holding cells.
Q.
What happened to the Italian chef who tried to bribe the
judge with polenta?
A. He was held in corntempt. |
Q.
Why was the robber so secure?
A. He was a safe robber.
Q.
Why did the cop spend his shift at the baseball park?
A. He heard somebody stole a base!
Criminal
Pick-Up Line: Let's commit
the perfect crime. You steal my heart, and I'll steal yours.
Old
policemen never die. They just cop out. |
Criminal
Pick-Up Line: Is your father
a drug dealer? 'Cause you sure are dope.
Chief
of Police: Why did you tie a rope on that criminal?
Patrolman: You told me to get a line on the suspect.
Q.
What is the ultimate car for a rural police detective?
A. A track-tor.
|
Q.
How do cops greet people?
A. Policed to meet you!
Police
Pick-Up Line: What do you
do with those handcuffs after hours?
Q.
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and an inmate?
A. A Kong-vict.
Police
Pick-Up Line: Let's go
back to my place for some further undercover work. |
Q.
Which type of underwear do police officers wear?
A. Legal Briefs.
Blonde
Beat: Did you hear that the cops are looking for a guy with
one eye? Geez, why don't they use both? |
Q.
How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to screw the bulb, one to direct traffic,
and one to say, "Show's over. There's nothing to see
here. Move along."
Police
Pick-Up Line: Cops do it
with handcuffs.
|
Q.
When is an undercover cop in uniform?
A. Only on his day off!
Q.
Why are burglars such good tennis players?
A. Because they spend a lot of time in courts. |
Q.
What was stolen from the music store?
A. The Lute!
Q.
What happened when the semi truck loaded with toilet paper
crashed on the Interstate?
A. Cops say drivers will be bogged down with bad runs until
the scene is cleaned up.
Q.
What do you call a chemist-turned-clown who's now in jail?
A. A Silicon.
Q.
How do bank robbers on the lam send messages?
A. Flee-Mail. |
Q.
Do old policemen ever die?
A. Yes, they do eventually cop out.
Q.
What did the cops say when the bank robbers on the lam were
stopped by an automobile?
A. That's carma for ya!
Q.
Why did the cop ticket the sheep?
A. Because she was a really baaad driver.
Q.
Where does a spy sleep?
A. Undercover.
Q.
How do spies prefer to plant covert listening devices?
A. Snug as a bug.
|
Q.
Where is underwater spying reported in France?
A. Paris Scope.
Q.
What do you call the guy who sorts out all the confusing
info gathered on recon missions?
A. An intel processor.
Q.
Which secret agent rodent spy is still unknown?
A. Anon E. Mouse.
Q.
Do old spies ever die?
A. Nobody knows because they leave no trace. |
|
Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes
| 2 | 3 |
4 | 5 | 6
| 7 | 8 |
9 | Police
Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Detective Jokes | Traffic
Cop Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber
Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns
|
| Gun Jokes, Pistol Puns, Bullet Humor
| Judge Jokes, Courtroom LOLs |
Explosive Bomb Puns |
| Denver Cop Puns | Arresting
Jokes | Animal Crimie Jokes
| Farm Criminal LOLs, Cow Cop Puns
|
| Barely Legal Jokes, Criminal Puns
| 2 | Lawyer
Jokes, Attorney Puns | Killer Friday
13th LOLs |
| Fireman Jokes, Arson Puns | Military
Jokes, Soldier Puns | Politician
Jokes, Political Puns |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk
Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug
Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero
Puns |
| Job Jokes | Actor
Jokes | Artist Puns | Astronaut
Puns | Athlete Jokes | Auto
Mechanic Puns |
| Baker Jokes | Bartender
Jokes | Chef Puns | Electrician
Jokes | Home Contractor Humor
|
| Locksmith Puns | Magician
| Musician | Plumber
| Psychic Jokes | Shrink
Puns | Tech Support |

You're still above the law,
so here's even more undercover
humor,
slammer jokes, and painful
puns crimes to help keep you
out of lockup:
|
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Jokes | Fitness Humor | Friday
Jokes |
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Jokes | Phone Jokes |
Pick-Up Lines | Pig Jokes | Pirate
Jokes | Road Crossing Jokes |
| Sasquatch Jokes | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports
Jokes | Stoner Jokes | Superman
Jokes | Travel Puns |
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