Q. What did a probation officer say after his client failed a piss test? A. You dipstick!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. Why was the musician arrested? A. He was in treble!
Q. Why did the cop sit on the toilet? A. To do his duty!
Q. What did the secret agent cow ask the other cow? A. Are you udder cover?
Q. Why did a guy have his girlfriend arrested on Valentine's Day? A. She stole his heart!

 


Policemen Puns, Crime Jokes, Slammer Humor
Lockup illegal laughs, undercover spy humor, covert puns, and criminally funny jail jokes.

Police Jokes, Undercover Humor, Cop Puns
(Because Cops and Robbers Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream if You're in the Jury Box or Penitentiary!)
Warning: Proceed with Car-tion! Jail inmate jokes, cop humor, criminal crack-ups and wired police puns ahead.
| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Detective Jokes | Traffic Cop Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns |
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |

Q. What do you call that feeling you get when you see a cop car in your rear view mirror? A. Cop sick shock syndrome!Q. Why did the belt go to jail? A. Because it held up a pair of jeans!Who do you call when mosquitoes attack? A. The SWAT team!

Q. What do you say when you're comforting the grammer police?
A. Their, They're, There...

Q. What did the blonde policewoman wear to the stake out?
A. An underwire bra!

Q. Why did the cops pull over the Mini Cooper full of clowns?
A. For the fun of it, plus they obviously weren't wearing seat belts.

Q. What do you call consecutive jail terms?
A. Run on sentences.

Q. How is a sinking ship like a person in jail?
A. Both need to be bailed out!

Did you hear about the kidnapping? It's okay, he's still asleep.

Q. When did the criminal finally get wise?
A. After the judge threw the book at him!

Q. Which kind of spider has natural criminal tendencies?
A. Baddy Long Legs.

Q. Where do the cops put vampires before booking them?
A. In red holding cells.

Q. What happened to the Italian chef who tried to bribe the judge with polenta?
A. He was held in corntempt.

Did you hear about the sensitive burglar? He takes thiings personally!Police officer: How high are you? Pot head: No officers, it's Hi, how are you?Barely legal police pick-up line: My cuffs or you cuffs tonight?

Q. Why was the robber so secure?
A. He was a safe robber.

Q. Why did the cop spend his shift at the baseball park?
A. He heard somebody stole a base!

Criminal Pick-Up Line: Let's commit the perfect crime. You steal my heart, and I'll steal yours.

Old policemen never die. They just cop out.

Criminal Pick-Up Line: Is your father a drug dealer? 'Cause you sure are dope.

Chief of Police: Why did you tie a rope on that criminal?
Patrolman: You told me to get a line on the suspect.

Q. What is the ultimate car for a rural police detective?
A. A track-tor.

Q. How do cops greet people?
A. Policed to meet you!

Police Pick-Up Line: What do you do with those handcuffs after hours?

Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla and an inmate?
A. A Kong-vict.

Police Pick-Up Line: Let's go back to my place for some further undercover work.

Police pick-up line for blondes: Officer, that's a mighty big flashlight you have there!Q. How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. They just beat the room for being black!Barely legal police pick-up line: Am I wearing a bullet-proof vest? Nah, it's all muscle!

Q. Which type of underwear do police officers wear?
A. Legal Briefs.

Blonde Beat: Did you hear that the cops are looking for a guy with one eye? Geez, why don't they use both?

Q. How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to screw the bulb, one to direct traffic, and one to say, "Show's over. There's nothing to see here. Move along."

Police Pick-Up Line: Cops do it with handcuffs.

Q. When is an undercover cop in uniform?
A. Only on his day off!

Q. Why are burglars such good tennis players?
A. Because they spend a lot of time in courts.

Q. Why was the piano player arrested? A. Because he got into treble!Police pick-up line for blondes: I love a man in uniform. I'd love you to frisk me!Q. What do you call it when one bull spies on another? A. A steak out!

Q. What was stolen from the music store?
A. The Lute!

Q. What happened when the semi truck loaded with toilet paper crashed on the Interstate?
A. Cops say drivers will be bogged down with bad runs until the scene is cleaned up.

Q. What do you call a chemist-turned-clown who's now in jail?
A. A Silicon.

Q. How do bank robbers on the lam send messages?
A. Flee-Mail.

Q. Do old policemen ever die?
A. Yes, they do eventually cop out.

Q. What did the cops say when the bank robbers on the lam were stopped by an automobile?
A. That's carma for ya!

Q. Why did the cop ticket the sheep?
A. Because she was a really baaad driver.

Q. Where does a spy sleep?
A. Undercover.

Q. How do spies prefer to plant covert listening devices?
A. Snug as a bug.

Q. Where is underwater spying reported in France?
A. Paris Scope.

Q. What do you call the guy who sorts out all the confusing info gathered on recon missions?
A. An intel processor.

Q. Which secret agent rodent spy is still unknown?
A. Anon E. Mouse.

Q. Do old spies ever die?
A. Nobody knows because they leave no trace.

| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Detective Jokes | Traffic Cop Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns |
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |
| Job Jokes | Actor Jokes | Artist Puns | Astronaut Puns | Athlete | Author Puns | Auto Mechanic |
| Baker Jokes | Banker | Barber Jokes | Bartender Jokes | Chef | Chemist Jokes | Cowboy Jokes |
| Dentist Puns | Doctor Jokes | Electrician | Eye Doc | Farmer | Gardener | Home Contractor |
| Landlord | Locksmith Puns | Magician | Musician | Optician Jokes | Physicist Jokes | Plumber |
| Psychiatrist Jokes | Psychic Jokes | Scientist Jokes | Teacher | Tech Support | Weatherman |

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