Q. What is a police officer's favorite day of the week? A. Fine Day!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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I'm always so relieved when I see police who aren't looking for me!
Q. Why did the belt go to jail? A. Because it held up a pair of jeans!
Q. what do you call an officer with bugs? A. Po-Lice!
Q. What are the only places with 24-hour police protection? A. Donut shope!


Cop Jokes, Police Officer Puns, Crime Humor
Catch some criminal humor, barely legal laughs, pokey police puns and most wanted jokes.

Police Jokes, Cop Humor, Arresting Puns
(Because Arresting Puns, Crime Jokes, and Illegal LOLs Could Never Be TOO Mainstream at Police Headquarters!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Investigative humor, cooler laughs, jailhouse jokes, and policeman puns ahead.
| Police Jokes, Cop Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Arresting Jokes | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Detective Jokes | Traffic Cop Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns |
| Barely Legal Jokes, Criminal Puns | 2 | Gun Jokes | Explosion Jokes, Bomb Puns | Killer Humor |
| Lawyer Jokes | Judge Jokes | Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Weed Jokes | Denver Cop Jokes |

Q. Why did the cops go to the baseball game? A. they heard somebody was stealing bases!Q. What do you call a female police officer who plays guitar? A. She Riff!The police want to interview me? Strange, I didn't even apply for a job there!

Q. Why did the burglar take a shower?
A. Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!

Q. Why did the blonde cop spend all of his time trying to hit flies?
A. He was assigned to the SWAT team.

Q. Why did the cops arrest a Mallard duck?
A. He was suspected of being the infamous Robber Ducky.

Q. Why wasn't the punster arrested in Hackney last Saturday night?
A. The police were at the end of the Wick.

Q. Why was the police detective at the beach?
A. Because they were expecting a crime wave.

Q. Which composer do robbers hear in their heads during a hold up?
A. Handel over your money, this is a stick-up!

Q. Why did the cops pull over a pig?
A. Because he was a road hog!

Q. What do you get if you cross a burglar and purple flowers?
A. Robbery with violets.

Q. Why did the blonde in the car with the wild paint job get pulled over?
A. The cops said it was a graphic violation.

Q. When should noises your dishwasher makes alarm you?
A. When it says, "Open Up! Dish is the FBI!"

Police State Point to Ponder: Why is its name the Secret Service, if everybody knows about it?

Q. What did the library cop say when the guy didn't pay the late fee?
A. I'm gonna have to book ya.

Police pick-up line for blondes: Want to play good cop bad cop?Q. What are the four food groups of police officers? A. Jelly, glazed, powdered and chocolate!Q. What was the len's excuse to the policeman? A. Officer, I've been framed!

Q. What do you call a fruit that commits an egregious crime?
A. A water felon.

Q. Why did the blonde cops impound the blanket delivery van?
A. They were working under covers.

Q. Which kind of robbery is not dangerous?
A. A safe robbery!

Q. Why was the police sketch artist wrongly fired?
A. It was a case of mistaken identity.

Police Pick-Up Line: Want to plant something on me?

Q. What does a policeman hate on his peanut butter sandwich?
A. Traffic Jam.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the chef?
A. They accused him of beating the eggs.

Q. What do prisoners in Denver County lockup eat for breakfast?
A. Jail-y Donuts.

Q. How do cops get the Tex-Mex chef to take the heat off?
A. They disarm him.

Police Pick-Up Line: Detectives do it under cover.

Q. Why was the doctor arrested?
A. He was caught trying to take somebody's pulse.

Q. Why didn't the old lady move to the right when the cops came by?
A. Because they said, "Pull over," but she was knitting mittens.

Q. Which hired killer never gets a prison sentence?
A. An exterminator!

Q. If cows carry ecoli and chickens carry salmonella, what do pigs carry?
A. A gun, a badge, and a get out of jail free card.

Q. What do you call a pair of vehicles involved in a plat? A. Two car collusion!Q. Why can't cows become detectives? A. Because they refuse to go on steak-outs!Barely legal police pick-up line: I stopped you because you are arrestingly beautiful!

Q. How did the criminal get into counterfeitting?
A. He answered an ad that said, "Make money at home."

A state trooper pulled over a farmer on a rural road and said, "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the truck a mile ago?" The farmer replied, "Thank God, I thought I was going deaf."

Q. What do you call a really easily solved mystery caper?
A. A brief case.

Q. What do non-vegans call a police officer in a sleeping bag?
A. Pig in a blanket.

Q. Why did the janitor call DPD to Coors Field during the Rockies game?
A. Somebody was selling Rocky Mountain Oysters in the stands, and he didn't want to clean up all the vomit after the balls dropped.

Q. Which plush TV frog was actually a detective?
A. Kermit A. Crime.

Q. Who makes the best detective: a tax accountant, or Sherlock Holmes?
A. A good tax accountant makes more deductions.

Q. What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
A. The accountant knows he's boring.

Q. Who was the first technology sleuth?
A. Sherlock Ohms.

Police Pick-Up Line: If being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged.

They tried to keep a locksmith in prison, but the nut bolted!Q. What do you call an armed watchman who's had a scor of guards fill the post before he did? A. The Twent-First Sentry!Barely legal police pick-up line: I'm here to arrest you due to complaints that you're too sexy!

Q. Why would a guy in jail want to catch the Measles?
A. So he could cause a break out.

Q. What is a tough dare at the police department?
A. Make my day!

Q. Why was the police department artist fired?
A. His work was really sketchy.

Q. What is black and always in the back of a cop car?
A. The back seat.

Q. What do you call a message sent by an incarcerated criminal?
A. Context.

Q. Which reptile always goes undercover?
A. The investi-gator.

Q. Which kind of serpant is a snitch for the cops?
A. A snake in the grass.

Precinct 404 Groan of the Day: All the toilet seats at police headquarters went missing. Investigators have nothing to go on... Tech guys are looking into it further.

Q. What do you call a French organized crime detective?
A. J'accuzza.

Q. What did the blonde say to the cop?
A. If you have to ask if I've been drinking, I'm not gonna tell ya...

Q. Which film was about policemen chasing a lawless kilter musician?
A. The Piper Chase.

Amish Police Station Motto: Those who committed audacious acts shall remain shameless.

| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Detective Jokes | Traffic Cop Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns |
| Gun Jokes, Pistol Puns, Bullet Humor | Judge Jokes, Courtroom LOLs | Explosive Bomb Puns |
| Denver Cop Puns | Arresting Jokes | Animal Crimie Jokes | Farm Criminal LOLs, Cow Cop Puns |
| Barely Legal Jokes, Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes, Attorney Puns | Killer Friday 13th LOLs |
| Fireman Jokes, Arson Puns | Military Jokes, Soldier Puns | Politician Jokes, Political Puns |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |
| Job Jokes | Actor Jokes | Artist Puns | Astronaut Puns | Athlete Jokes | Auto Mechanic Puns |
| Baker Jokes | Bartender Jokes | Chef Puns | Electrician Jokes | Home Contractor Humor |
| Locksmith Puns | Magician | Musician | Plumber | Psychic Jokes | Shrink Puns | Tech Support |

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