Q. What is a police officer's favorite day of the week? A. Fine Day!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Barely legal police pick-up line: Stop! Don't you know it's illegal to look that fine?
Always be careful when driving to evening parties? Better safe than soiree!
Police officer: How high are you? Pot head: No officers, it's Hi, how are you?
Q. Why did the police ticket the ghost on Halloween? A. It didn't have a haunting license!
What happens if you start an illegal fire using flint? You get a sparking ticket!
If you run, you'll only go to jail tired!
Cops arrested two boys, one for drinking battery acid and the other for fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off!

 


Speeding Ticket Jokes, Trooper Humor, Fine Puns
Speed along with citation puns, driving violation humor, radar LOLs and traffic ticket jokes.

Traffic Cop Jokes and Highway Patrol Humor
(Because Flashing Lights Jokes ane Siren Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When the Cops Are Behind You!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! State trooper humor, pulled over puns, siren laughs and speed trap jokes ahead.
| Traffic Cop Jokes | Detective Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns |
| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |

Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck and asks the driver if he's got and ID. Driver says: "Bout what?"Barely legal police pick-up line: I always turn on my siren when I spot a siren!Q. What do you call that feeling you get when you see a cop car in your rear view mirror? A. Cop sick shock syndrome!

Q. Why did the sensitive cop cry after arresting the blonde?
A. It was a moving violation.

Q. Why did the blonde in the car with the wild paint job get pulled over?
A. The cops said it was a graphic violation.

Q. Why did the light-footed cop pull over the U-Haul?
A. He wanted to bust a move.

Q. What is it called when a cop puts a suspect in the back seat of his cruiser?
A. In-car-ceration.

Cruiser Cop Come-On: Can I see your license? 'Cause I didn't know angels could fly.

Q. What did the priest say when he was pulled over for DWI?
A. Good Lord, he's done it again! I only drank water!

Police Pick Up Line: I'm surprised your ID doesn't say you're from Tennessee, 'cause you're the only 10 I see.

Q. Why did the traffic cop give the poet a ticket?
A. For driving without a poetic license.

Q. Why did a cop pull the vampire over?
A. He was a suspect in a blood bank robbery.

Cop: Why did you park HERE?
Blonde: Duh, the sign says, "Fine for Parking."

Two cops in a squad car crash into a tree. One turns to the other and says, "Wow, this is the fastest we've ever gotten to the accident site."

Q. What did the cops say when the bank robbers on the lam were stopped by an automobile?
A. That's carma for ya!

Q. How can you tell you've had too much coffee?
A. You got a speeding ticket while you were parked!

Q. What should you never say if you get pulled over by the Denver Police on 13th Avenue?
A. Are you the guy from the Village People?

When I came out of te gym, a cop asked me where I got that body. I said, "I don't know, I just opened the trunk and whe was there!"Barely legal police pick-up line: I'm writing you a ticket because fine is written all over you!You don't now  how fas you were going, huh? That means I can write anything I want on the ticket!

Q. Why did the cops pull over the Mini Cooper full of clowns?
A. For the fun of it, plus they obviously weren't wearing seat belts.

Q. What happened when the semi truck loaded with toilet paper crashed on the Interstate?
A. Cops say drivers will be bogged down with bad runs until the scene is cleaned up.

Cop: When I pulled you over, I guessed 55.
Matronly Suspect: No sir, it's just my hat that makes me look like that.

Q. What happened when the truckload of toilet paper crashed on the highway?
A. When cops arrived at the scene, they asked if it was a roll-over or a roll-under.

Q. What happened when the shipment of toilet paper crashed on the freeway?
A. Police described the scene as a real wipe-out.

Q. What did Dracula say to the cop that pulled him over near the highway?
A. I was just looking for the main artery.

Q. What happened when the semi truck full of toilet paper crashed on the Interstate?
A. Police say there were definite skid marks leading up to the scene of the accident.

Q. What happened when the semi truck full of toilet paper crashed on the Interstate?
A. Police did not ticket the driver, saying he had a bum steer.

Q. Why did the cops detain the mattress store delivery truck driver that sped by?
A. Because he could blow their cover.

You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right. We don't. Sign here!Arresting Banana Humor: What do you call california banana motorcycle cops? A. Banana Chips!barely legal police pick-up line: Step out of the vehicle and wak a straight line into my life!

Q. Why did the cops pull over a pig?
A. Because he was a road hog!

A state trooper pulled over a farmer on a rural road and said, "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the truck a mile ago?" The farmer replied, "Thank God, I thought I was going deaf."

Q. What do you call a flying policeman?
A. A helicopter.

Q. Which Native American chief was know for giving out a lot of traffic tickets?
A. Citing Bull.

Q. Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner?
A. For exceeding the feed limit.

Cop: Sir, your eyes are red. Have you been smoking weed?
Motorist: Your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating donuts

Q. Why did the cop ticket the computer?
A. Because it was speeding along the information highway!

Today's horoscope said: "You're going places today and you can't be stopped!" Yeah right, tell that to the cop that just pulled me over...

Officer: Do you know why I stopped you?
Blonde: Because I didn't pull out of the donut shop too fast?

Barely legal police pick-up line: I stopped you because you are arrestingly beautiful!Rappers, please stop putting police sirens in your beats. When I'm driving, it scares the crap out of me!Barely legal police pick-up line: Do you know how fast you were going when you fell from heaven?

Q. What did the seasoned officer ask his rookie blonde partner while on their first patrol in the squad car?
A. Are you trying to driving me crazy?

Q. What do you call a cop who breezes through the new radar gun's users manual?
A. A speed reader.

Ttaffic Cop Come-On: No Officer, I'm not drunk. I'm just intoxicated by your big guns.

Police Pick Up Line: Madam, I am writing you this ticket to the Policeman's Ball 'cause you have fine written all over you.

Q. Why did the cop ticket the sheep?
A. Because she was a really baaad driver.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the winner of the hot dog eating contest?
A. For speed eating.

Q. Why did the blonde get all excited when the rookie cop gave her a citation?
A. 'Cause she thought she had the golden ticket.

Q. What did the redneck say when traffic cops pulled him over and asked for his ID?
A. 'Bout what?

Q. What does a highway patrol cop hate on his peanut butter sandwich?
A. Traffic Jam.

Police Pick Up Line: Babe, if you were the words on a parking ticket, you'd be the fine print.

Q. What do the cops say when they drive up and surround your tailgating party?
A. Dish is the Police!

Q. What did the cop say to the suspect he pulled over?
A. If you run, you'll just go to jail tired.

Q. What do you call a pair of vehicles involved in a plat? A. Two car collusion!Q. If two potheads are in the back of a car, then who is driving? A. The Cop!I'm always so relieved when I see police who aren't looking for me!

Q. What is black and always in the back of a cop car?
A. The back seat.

Q. What did the blonde say to the cop?
A. If you have to ask if I've been drinking, I'm not gonna tell ya...

Q. How does the Denver Police Department grill a chicken?
A. Repeatedly ask her why she crossed the road last night.

Police Pull -Over Line: Woo woo baby, I always turn on my siren when I see a siren.

Traffic Cop: Sir, we are going to have to give you a drug test.
Cooperative Citizen: Okay, but which drugs are we testing?

Police Pick Up Line: If you were a stop light, I'd turn red every time you walk by, just so I could stare at you longer.

Q. Why did the state trooper ticket the bard?
A. For driving without poetic license.

Police Pick-Up Line: Babe, how fast were you going when you fell from heaven and into my speed trap?

Q. Why did the clock stop by police headquarters?
A. To pay off all its tick-ets.

Q. What did the chemist say when he escaped the police during the car chase?
A. Cu later, Copper!

Police Pick Up Line: Don't you know that it's illegal to look that fine?

Police Pick-Up Line: Babe, stick with me, and those lights won't be the only thing flashing.

| Traffic Cop Jokes | Detective Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns |
| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |
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| Psychiatrist Jokes | Psychic Jokes | Scientist Jokes | Teacher | Tech Support | Weatherman |

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