Q. How much money does a skunk have? A. One Cent!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. Where do penguins keep their money? A. In a snow bank!
Reaching higher in business is a good thing unless you're a bank teller during a hold up!
Hospitals report hearts of bankers are in high demand by transplant patients because they've never been used!
Gorilla Telling Banana Jokes: What do fruit use to buy things? A. Banana Bread!


Non-Cents Money Puns, Bank Jokes, Cash Humor
Black into interesting money humor, lender LOLs, coin-y puns and funny financial jokes.

Priceless Money Jokes and Cents-Less Puns
(Because Rich Humor and Priceless Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When You're Ready to Cash In!)
Warning: Save Yourself! Cent-tastic jokes, safe assets humor, loan-ly laughs and re-vaulting puns ahead.
| Money Jokes, Coiny Puns, Capital Laughs and Interesting Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |
| Coin Jokes, Numismatic Puns | Penny Jokes, Cents-Less Puns | 2 | Accountant Jokes |
| Banker Jokes, Banking Puns, and Teller Laughs | Financial Jokes | Banker Pick-Up Lines |

What you can buy for a dollar these days is absolute non-cents!Q. Why did the guy put his money in the freezer? A. He wanted cold hard cash!Q. Where does a fish keep his money? A. In a river bank!

Q. What do you call a mint employee who sky dives on the weekends?
A. Penny from heaven.

Funny Money Fact: A good numismatist can come up with some very coiny jokes.

Q. Why wouldn't the general public use the new US dollar coins?
A. Because they don't like change.

Cents-Less Laugh of the Day: Why did the barista get so angry when the guy knocked over her container of cash and coins? After all, the sign said: tip jar.

Q. What is the quickest way to double your money?
A. Fold it in half!

Q. What sort of payoff did the mashed potato investor earn?
A. A lump sum.

Q. Why did the blonde decide to withdraw all the money in her bank account and take it home all in coins?
A. 'Cause she needed some real change in her life.

Banking Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, I want to restructure you.

Q. Why did the banker jump off the pier?
A. He wanted to float a loan.

Q. Why did the bank's clients go belly-up?
A. Due to off-shore phishing operations.

Smart Money Tip of the Day: A blonde threw a coin into the wishing fountain and wished for lots of coins. But, it turns out wishes just don't come true. Sometimes you have to get your feet wet. DUH!

Banker Pick-Up Line: Are you fiscally irresponsible? 'Cause I'm feeling inflationary pressure right now.

Q. Why shouldn't you lend an anthropologist money? A. They consider a million years no time at all!Q. What does corn use for money? A. Corn Bread!How much is the moon worth? One Dollar because it has 4 quarters!

Q. What did the coin say to the token?
A. Fare enough, but you make no cents.

Q. What did the pocket change say to the dollar bill?
A. You make no cents.

Stock Broker Pick-Up Line: I hope you're a bear, 'cause I'm gonna go down on you.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. – Mark Twain.

Q. If you glue dollar bills to your sneakers, what would you call them?
A. Cashews.

Did you hear about the musician who died while smoking weed rolled in a dollar bill? At least he went out on a high note…

Q. Where were the original Washington head 25-cent coins minted?
A. At the P & D Headquarters.

Banking Pick-Up Line: Bottom up, or bottom down?

Quarterly Report: If quarters fall from the sky, is that an indicator of climate change?

Q. How do hail stones invest their money?
A. In a combination of liquid and frozen assets.

Cents-Less Joke of the Day If you had a dollar for every deer joke on this page, you'd have one buck.

Q. What is the difference between a fake dollar bill and a skinny prostitute?
A. One's a phony buck…

Q. How did the banker die? A. He cashed out!Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? A. They're always a little short!The winds of change ae raining coins of copper, nickel, and silver!

Old bankers never die, but they do lose interest.

Q. Why don't old bankers ever die?
A. Because they never lose interest and they can afford to be cryogenically frozen.

Old bankers never die. They just pass the buck.

Banking Pick-Up Line: If I had a dollar for every time I've thought about you, I'd be able to retire in style.

Did you hear about the miser? He wasn't able to stop on a dime. OUCH!

Q. Why did the gut get a 100 dollar bill tattooed on his dick?
A. 'Cause he figured, what woman wouldn't blow a hundred dollars?

Q. Where do seagulls invest their money?
A. In the stork market!

Banker Pick-Up Line: Hey Baby, let's make some statements together!

Q. What do coin grading services and concrete specialists have in common?
A. Both like to slab stuff.

Q. What did the scientist say after putting a penny under a microscope?
A. Truly magnificent.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Banker Pick-Up Line: Is your credit score bad? 'Cause you look like a 10 to me.

Being unable to get help with refinancing made me a loan wolf!Q. How do pirates make money? A. By hook or by crook!A bank manager without anyone around may find himself a loan!

Q. When do you feel stuck with your debt?
A. When you can't budge-it.

Banker Pick-Up Line: Let's get out of here and apprediate each other's assets.

Q. What has a head and a tail but isn't an animal or plant?
A. A penny.

Banker Pick-Up Line: Babe, those really are some tangible assets.

Q. Which US President is the least guilty?
A. Lincoln. He is in a cent!

Q. How much should a pirate pay for his piercing?
A. A buck an ear.

Q. What do stockbrokers say to each other when they want the other person to just shut up already?
A. Put a stock in it!

More Bad Investment News: The sumo bank has gone belly up.

Banker Pick-Up Line: Is that a calculator in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Q. How did Bernie Madoff get the idea for his ponzi scheme?
A. Social Security!

Q. What do you call an investment that profits off of shareholder activism?
A. The Feeling is Mutual Fund.

Banking Pick-Up Line: Babe, you are one hot commodity!

Q. What happened to the toddler who swallowed the coins?
A. The ER reports there's no change yet...

| Money Jokes, Coiny Puns, Capital Laughs and Interesting Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |
| Coin Jokes, Numismatic Puns | Penny Jokes, Cents-Less Puns | 2 | Accountant Jokes |
| Banker Jokes, Banking Puns, and Teller Laughs | Financial Jokes | Banker Pick-Up Lines |

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