Cosmology Point to Ponder: Is Orion's Belt just a big waist of space?

Q. Why didn't the Dog Star laugh at the last joke?
A. Because it was too Sirius.

Q. Where do galaxies, stars, and comets go to study?
A. The University!

Q. What did the Big Dipper win in the star competition?
A. A constellation prize.

Q. Who is the Guardian of the Galaxy?
A. The night watchman at the Samsung store.

Q. Which television series is the favorite of aliens and the gods?
A. Ancient Aliens.

Q. How did the mathematician send a message to an alternate universe?
A. He used a parallel-o-gram.

Q. Why can't astronomers find humor in the movement of stars and planets?
A. 'Cause the real jokes are in the comets!

We'd tell you another joke about outer space, but it's a little too out of this world...

Q. Where do space aliens like to go fishing?
A. In the Galax Sea!

Q. What is the Andromeda galaxy's favorite sweet snack?
A. A Milky Way bar.

Q. Why did the student drop out of the astronomy class?
A. He said, "Remembering all those constellations really took its Ptolemy."

Q. What do you call a physically enhancing drug that originated in outer space?
A. Asteroids.

Q. How did the science teacher begin the unit on astronomy?
A. With a stellar explanation.

Q. What do you call a loony space man?
A. An AstroNut!

Q. What has three balls and flies through outer space?
A. E.T. The Extra Testicle.

Q. Why don't aliens play golf in space?
A. Too many black holes.

Q. Where are black holes most commonly found?
A. In black socks.

Q. Why are astronauts such successful people?
A. Because they always go up in the world.

Q. What's the difference between astrology and astronomy?
A. About 50 I.Q. points...

Q. Why do vegans hate astronomy?
A. Near Earth Objects are a bit too meteor for them!

Q. Why didn't the sun go to college?
A. It already has a million degrees!

Q. Why is outer space so clean?
A. 'Cause it's a vacuum!

Q. How do NASA scientists identify dead planets?
A. They hunt through the obit-uaries.

Q. What did the astronomer say when his son asked how stars die?
A. Usually an overdose.

Q. What do you get if you cross a space craft and a sheep?
A. A Rocket Sheep!

Q. What is the most dishonest thing in the universe?
A. Matter, 'cause it makes everything up.

Q. What holds the sun up in the sky?
A. Sun beams.

Q. Why did the astronaut suddenly stop what he was doing?
A. Because he just spaced out!

Q. Why did the sun go to high school?
A. To get even brighter.

Q. What do boobs and the sun have in common?
A. You can look at them longer if you're wearing sunglasses!

Q. What do you call it if you're seeing a girl from another planet?
A. An inter-spacial relationship.

Q. What did the scientist say when his wife announced she was leaving him because he was obsessed with astronomy?
A. Geez, what planet is she on?

Q. Where did the Milky Way get its degrees?
A. At the University.

Q. What's heavier? A galaxy, mars, earth, or the sun?
A. The Earth. Galaxy and Mars are candy bars, and the Sun is a newspaper!

Q. What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?
A. The apocaclipse.

Q. How is bread like the sun?
A. It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist.

Q. What do you call a space robot that always takes the longest route?
A. R2 Detour.

Q. Which kind of stars wear sunglasses?
A. Movie stars.

The Universe is not explanding. It's running away from Chuck Norris!

Q. Why did the space police arrest the star?
A. 'Cause it was a shooting star.

Q. Which brand of underwear does the sun wear?
A. Kelvin Kline.

Q. What do the sun and a stripper have in common?
A. Both circle the pole.

Q. What do you call a professional who tries to beautify outer space?
A. A Cosmo-tologist.

Q. Where can you go to see a galaxy explode?
A. A Samsung store.

Q. Why are Nuclei and Electrons the original hipsters of the Universe?
A. 'Cause they were hydrogen before it was cool.

Did you hear that scientists have discovered a planet that's entirely populated by robots? Yeah, it's called Mars!

Two green aliens were sitting at the Space Bar. One says, "Gjfk yuto z crpxit!" The other says, "Dude, go home. You're drunk!"

Q. Why aren't there any dogs in space?
A. Because dogs hate vacuums!

Cold Point to Ponder: If the Universe ends in the Big Freeze, we'd all be 0K.

Silly Solar System Point to Ponder: If boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider, then do girls go to Venus for more penis?

Q. What do space aliens think U.F.O. stands for?
A. Unidentified Friends of Orion.

Q. What do they call money on Superman's home planet?
A. Kryptocurrency.

Hot Fact of the Day: If you think Earth's center could reach 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit, you'd be core-ect.

Q. What did the galaxy order at the Tex-Mex restaurant in the Oort Cloud?
A. A quasar-dilla.

Q. What are powerful solar rays that cause people to fight each other called?
A. Ultra-violent light.

Q. What did they call the first potato launched into space in 1957?
A. Spudnik.

Q. Which social network did Sith Lords prefer using while they tried to dominate the universe?
A. MySpace.

Q. What do aliens visiting Earth serve their food on?
A. Flying saucers.

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