Q. What is the sleeping brain's favorite rock band?
A. REM.

Q. Why didn't the overly cautious brain want to take a bath?
A. It did not want to be brainwashed!

Q. Which shampoo do smart zombies like best?
A. Head and Shoulders!

Q. What is the medical term for owning too many dogs?
A. Roverdose!

There is a new sign on the lawn at the drug rehab center that reads: Please, Keep Off the Grass.

Q. Why did the blonde guy think he was safe from a zombie attack?
A. 'Cause zombies don't go after Brians.

Q. Where does a neuron keep its money?
A. In a brain bank.

Q. Why did the zombie do well on his test?
A. Because it was a real no-brainer.

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office with a carrot up his nose, celery in one ear and a banana in the other. He asks, "What's the matter with me?" The shrink replies, "You aren't eating properly."

Q. Why do neurons like email?
A. They like to send and receive a lot of messages!

Q. What do you call a glia when it's happy?
A. Smyelin.

Q. How do you deal with a zombie you really disagree with?
A. Give him a piece of your mind!

Q. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A. Blow in her ear.

Q. What is it called when a zombie steals an idea?
A. Plague-giarism.

Q. What do you call a skull without 100 Billion neurons?
A. A No-Brainer!

However, zombies really ticked me off, and I mean off.

Q. What killer round did the zombie order at the bar?
A. A shot of ta-kill-ya, a Bloody Mary, and a Mind Eraser!

Q. Why is the cerebral cortex always wrong?
A. Because it's never in the right hemisphere.

Q. What do you call a hat for a man's brain?
A. A Condom!

I heard a joke about amnesia, but now I forget how it goes...

Q. Why are most adult neurons poor at math?
A. They find it hard to divide and multiply.

Q. How are sponges and brains alike?
A. They both soak up material!

Doctor: We need to get these people to the hospital!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It's a big building with lots of doctors, but that's not important right now.

Q. What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
A. Hocus Sulcus

Man: My shrink said he'd have me back on my feet in two weeks.
Friend: And, did he?
Man: Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.

Q. What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
A. Hey, kid, you've got potential.

Q. What did the Hollywood director say after finishing his film about myelin?
A. That's a wrap.

Q. Which anti-anxiety drug is manufactured in Southern California?
A. San Fernando Valium.

Q. What did the brain say after it got an electric shock?
A. That was a stimulating experience!

Q. What happened to the vegan zombie?
A. He ended up in an insane asylum where he only had access to vegetables.

Losing your head in an emergency is a real no brainer.

Q. What did the right hemisphere say to the left when they could not agree on anything?
A. Let's Split!

Doctor: I've got very bad news – you've got cancer and Alzheimer's.
Patient: Well, at least I don't have cancer.

Q. Who wrote the self-help book, One Way To Deal With Stress?
A. Val E. Umm.

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