Jokes, Sick Puns, Health Care Humor
doctor puns, viral humor, and germy jokes are the prescribed meds for
whatever ails ya.
Proceed at Your Own Risk! Infectious humor, healthy doctor jokes,
and buggy painful puns ahead.
Medical Jokes, Doctor Humor, MD Puns
(Because Contagious Laughter
and Sick Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream If
You're a Passed Out Outpatient!)
Jokes, Nurse Puns | 2 | 3
| 4 | 5
| 6 | 7
| Germ Jokes | Sick
Come-Ons | Dentist Puns |
| Surgeon Jokes | Eye
Doctor Jokes | Eye Puns |
Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Blood
| Psychiatrist Jokes | Optometry
Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes
| Optician Puns | Glasses
| Futuristic Medical Jokes | Urologist
LOLs | Constipation Jokes
| Diarrhea Puns | Brain
Doc, we have lost our patient.
Doctor: Oh no, what happened?
Nurse: He recovered.
Why do doctors slap babies when they're born?
A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.
to ER Doc: Hurry! My son swallowed a razor blade!
ER Doc: Have you done anything yet?
Guy: Yes, I shaved with my electric razor.
Why was the eye doctor always so happy?
A. He was an Opto-mist!
What is an eye doctor's favorite dessert?
A. Eyes Cream!
Why did the Oreo go to the hospital?
A. Because it was feeling pretty crumby.
Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor?
A. Because it was feeling rather jumpy.
What music do chiropractors enjoy most?
A. Hip Pop.
Why was the doctor always so calm?
A. Because he had a lot of patients.
Pick-Up Line: Hey Doc, are
you an anesthesiologist? 'Cause I felt no back pain when
you walked by.
What is an enema at a doctor's office?
A. Not a friend!
Patient: Will this ointment clear up my spots.
Doctor: Well, I never make rash promises.
How do you tell the difference between an oral thermometer
and a rectal thermometer?
A. By the taste...
What is an outpatient?
A. Someone who has fainted.
Pick Up Line: Babe, you've
got 206 bones in your body. Want to be exceptional and add
man goes to an eye doctor and says, "I keep seeing
spots in front of my eyes." Receptionist asks, "Have
you ever seen a doctor?" The man replies, "No,
What did the eye doctor say about the last painful eye pun?
A. I just didn't see that one coming!
lady walked into a shrink's office and announced that she
had a screw loose. The blonde receptionist sent her to the
optician's office next door.
Doctor Fact of the Day: A podiatrist understands what it's
like to walk a mile in your shoes.
What is a medical staff?
A. What a lame doctor walks with.
Doc, I just can't fall asleep at night.
Doctor: Have you tried counting sheep?
Accountant: Yes, that's the problem. I make a mistake and
then spend all night trying to find it.
Which kind of humor do eye doctors appreciate the most?
What is cauterize?
A. When you make eye contact with the hot nurse.
What happened when two obstetricians opened a new practice
A. They joined the labor market.
Doc, you have to help me out!
Doctor: Oh certainly. Which way did you come in?
What is an artery?
A. Where fine paintings are studied and displayed in the
lobby at the blood bank clinic.
What is a vane vein?
A. A greedy and conceited MDVIP doctor POS.
Bug of the Day: When I told the doctor I was having memory
problems, she made me pay in advance.
What did the chiropractor say when his vacation was over?
A. Back to business.
retirement, the eye doctor plans to focus a lot
of time at the Mu-see-um of Science and Industry.
Why is the life expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than
A. Because eye doctors dilate!
What do you call a vampire ophthalmologist?
A. Count Drocular.
eye doctor told me I needed multi-focal lenses, but all
I heard was, "Dude, you are getting old."
Doctor Jokes and Nurse Puns | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| 7 | Germ
Jokes | Dentist Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 |
What is morbid?
A. A higher offer.
see a doctor whose office plants have died.
– Erma Bombeck
Clerk: Are you an organ donor?
Regular Guy: No, but I did give my old piano to the Salvation
What is an organ transplant?
A. How your piano feels when you move it.
How can you tell you've got a great eye doctor?
A. His eye puns are as corneas it gets!
How many MDVIP doctors does it take to change a
A. Pay me $1800 a year on top of your health insurance!
If not, go F yourself!
You're in good health. You'll live to be 80.
Patient: But Doc, I'm 80 right now.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you?
I feel like an apple.
Psychiatrist: Okay, we'll try to get to the core of that.
Doctor, everybody thinks I'm trash.
Shrink: Oh, don't talk rubbish!
Doc, I keep painting myself gold.
Shrink: Oh, don't worry. It's just a gilt complex.
Doctor, I think I'm a yoyo.
Shrink: Are you stringing me along?
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist
Jokes | Constipation Jokes
| Diarrhea Jokes | Blood
Jokes | 2 |
| How Many Doctors Does It Take To
Change a Light Bulb? | Sick Medical Jokes,
Hospital Humor |
| Shrink Jokes, Psychiatrist Jokes, Crazy
Funny | Addict Jokes, Rehab Puns
| Brain Jokes | 2
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic
Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes
| Dr. Who Jokes |
| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor
| 2 | 3
| 4 | 5
| 6 | Eye
Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology
Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses
Jokes | Deadly Doctor Jokes |
| Body Jokes | Human
Anatomy Jokes | Inner Body Puns,
Back Jokes | Butt Jokes | Heart
| Male Body Jokes, Viagra Jokes | Female
Body Jokes | Chest Jokes, Pec Puns,
Breast Humor |
| Head Humor | Face
Jokes | Ear Puns | Nose
Jokes | Neck Puns | Ear,
Nose, Throat Humor |
| Mouth Jokes | Hand
Jokes, Finger Puns, Arm Humor | Leg
Jokes | Foot Jokes | Belly
still ambulatory, so here's
even more contagious laughter,
infectious humor, germy
jokes and sick painful puns
to cure what bugs
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
Bartender Jokes | Cannabis
Puns | Cemetery Jokes |
Chef Jokes | Daily
Groans | Diet Puns | Fitness
| Gym Jokes | Lawyer
Jokes | Magician Jokes | Money
Groans | Music Puns | Pick-Up
Lines | Psychic Jokes |
| Religion Jokes | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports
Jokes | Undead Jokes | Vampire
Puns | Vegan Jokes |
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