Q. Why did a pirate marry his eye doctor? A. It was an aye-deal relationship!   PainfulPuns.com - Sick Puns, Doctor Jokes, Healthy Humor

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Q. What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween? A. Candy Cornea!
Eye doctor joke: Q. Where do some Strabismic patients go? A. To Prism!
It's plain to see that these eye jokes are bad and they're just getting cornea and cornea!
Patient: "I always see spots before my eyes!" Eye Doc: "Didn't your new glasses help?" Patient: "Sure, now I see the spots clearer!"
Q. What do you call the ability to see a hundred years into the future? A. Extra-Century Perception!
I would tell you a Microphthalmos joke, but they are a little cornea!

 


Focused Eye Doc Puns and Opthalmologist Jokes
Focus in on nearsighted jokes, farsighted puns, sharp LOLs and the corneas eye doctor humor.

Funny Ophthalmology Jokes and Eye Doctor Puns
(Because Clearly Funny Vision Jokes and Crisp Vision Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream If You Have Cataracts!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Dialated eye doc jokes, clear ophthalmology humor, and insightful puns ahead.
| Ophthalmology Jokes | Optometry Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Eye Doctor Jokes, Optometrist Puns, Ophthalmologist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns |
| Dentist Jokes and Toothy Grins | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Doctor Jokes, Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes, Insanely Crazy Puns | Brainy Puns and Cerebral Jokes | 2 |

Did you hear about the brillian ophthalmologist? He had a high Eye Q!The ophthalmologist was called to testify because he was the only eye witness.Did you hear about the clever sleuth ophthalmologist? He closed the lid on this case!

Q. What is an ophthalmologist's favorite song of all time?
A. Eye Of The Tiger.

Q. Why was the guy with pink eye so happy he surfed into the ophthalmologist's web page?
A. Because it was a site for sore eyes!

Q. What did the ophthalmologist say to the office receptionist when she threatened to quit?
A. Please stye with me!

Q. Why is the life expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than urologists?
A. Because eye doctors dilate!

Eye Doctor Visit Point to Ponder: Why does the ophthalmoligist send you next door to the optician to choose new glasses while your eyes are dialated and you can't see worth a damn?

Q. What does an opthalmologist say when you ask if he wants to hear a joke?
A. Sure! And, the cornea, the better!

Q. What do ophthalmologists say about Painful eye Puns?
A. These jokes are so eye-ronic!

Q. Which day of the week do ophthalmologists always look forward to?
A. Freaky Eye-day.

Q. Why did the psychic go to her ophthalmologist?
A. Because she was having a hard time seeing into the future.

Q. What did the opthalmologist say about the last Painful eye Pun?
A. I just didn't see that one coming!

Q. What did the patient say to Dr. Patrick when she had trouble reading the eye chart?
A. Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel.

Q. Why was the patient so stunned when the eye doctor told him he was colorblind?
A. Because that came right out of the blue.

Q. Why did the eye doctor give new patients magic eye puzzles? A. As an eyes breaker!What does an ophthalmologist say wehn he's stymied? Eye Caramba!Patient: "I keep getting a stabbing pain in my eye when I drink coffee!" Eye Doc: "Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup first?"

Patient: Doc, I keep seeing double.
Ophthalmologist: Well, just sit in that chair.
Patient: Which one?

Q. What did the Colorado ophthalmologist say when questioned about his jokes?
A. My puns are corneas taco shells!

Q. What do you call a vampire ophthalmologist in Transylvanaia?
A. Count Dr-ocular.

Today's Myopic Viewpoint: My ophthalmologist said I have bad vision, but I don't see the problem.

Patient: If there's a bee in my hand, what is in my eye?
Eye Doctor: Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

Q. Why are there so few ophthalmology jokes?
A. Because ophthalmologists are the only ones who can spell that, and they don't think ophthalmology jokes are funny at all!

Q. Which type of humor do ophthalmologists appreciate the most?
A. Eye-rony.

Did you hear about the guy who drove his girlfriend to the ophthalmologist's office because she was having vision problems? It turned out she was seeing other people.

Q. What do you call a concierge ophthalmologist who helps the police solve crimes?
A. A Private Eye Doctor.

Q. What do you call a bright student studying to be an ophthalmologist?
A. A good pupil.

Q. What did the ophthalmologist say when the patient asked him to pause the eye test because he had to go to the restroom?
A. Number 1, or number 2?

Q. Why did the wine lover heed her ophthalmologist's advice?
A. He said she needs glasses.

Old ophthalmologists never die. They just loose their focus.

Blind Confusion of the Day: I thought I went to an Alaskan ophthalmologist today, but it was actually an optical Aleutian.

Q. What did the eye doctor say when he retired? A. And now, eye must take my leave!A bone doctor and an eye doctor were telling jokes. Bone doc's jokes were humerus, but the eye doc's jokes were cornea!Eye Doctor: "Read the bottom line." Patient: "Copyright 1999, Made in Japan!"

Q. What did the ophthalmologist say to the zombie during the exam?
A. Please don't roll your eyes toward me!

Q. Why will so many eye doctors go out of business at midnight on 1-31-19?
A. Because everyone will have 2020 vision!

Q. Why did the ophthalmologist say that you never put avocados in your eyes?
A. So you don't get guac-oma.

Q. How does an ophthalmologist describe Kindergarten Disease?
A. When you have really small pupils.

Q. Why did the eye doctor break up with the orthopedic surgeon?
A. Because the eyeball didn't find the elbow's humerus jabs at all humor-iris.

Q. What did the judge say about the bad eye doctor pun during the trial?
A. Eye will allow it.

Q. Why are ophthalmologists always so smart?
A. Because they were good pupils.

Q. Why did the computer programmer go to his ophthalmologist?
A. Because he couldn't C Sharp.

Ophthalmologist: You need to stop masturbating so often.
Patient: Why? Will I go blind?
Eye Doctor: No, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable.

Q. Which type of humor simply turns an ophthalmologist's stomach?
A. Sight gags.

Q. What do you call ophthalmologist porn?
A. Rods and cones.

Q. Why was the eye doctor always so happy?
A. He was an Opti-must!

Eye Doctor: "Can you read the bottom line?" Polish Guy: "Read it? Heck, I know that guy!"Q. Why should you love your eye doctor? A. It's an eye-deal relationship!Q. How is an eye doctor like a teacher? A. They both test the pupils!

Receptionist: Why are you here to see the ophthalmologist today?
Patient: I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Receptionist: Have you seen the eye doctor?
Patient: No, only spots.

Q. What did the immigrant first-grader say after his first visit to the ophthalmologist?
A. Do you have the same chart, but in English?

An ophthalmologist, optometrist, and optician walked into a bar. Bartender says, "Wow, I didn't see this joke coming."

Q. Why did the eye doctor tell his patient, Gary, that he had Wacked Out Comic Strip Syndrome?
A. Because he was FarSided.

Q. Why did the dalmation go to the eye doctor?
A. Because he was seeing spots.

Ophthalmologist Pick Up Line: Hey girl, eye see you in my future.

Q. What did the observant ophthalmologist say to the cheesy street magician?
A. I see what you did there.

Patient: Doc, something is wrong with my left eye. It just doesn't seem right.
Rookie Eye Doctor: Well, that's because it's your left. Any other questions or concerns?

The patient was worried that the laser eye surgeon wasn't going to be any good, but he doesn't see any problem now.

Radical Eye Doctor Point to Ponder: If ophthalmologists had a terrorist group, would they call it Iris?

Patient: Doc, I have yellow eyes. What should I do?
Jokester Ophthalmologist: Wear a brown suit.

Q. Why did the patients all love the ophthalmologist?
A. Because he was a true visionary.

See Sick Eye Doctor Pick Up Line: Hey babe, your eyes are bluer than the ocean, and I am lost at see.

Q. Why did the patient decide to go to the eye doctor, before trying ecstacy, since he wasn't going to the beach?
A. Because it's eye before E, except after sea.

Q. Why did Hitler go to the ophthalmologist?
A. Because he could Nazi.

| Ophthalmology Jokes | Optometry Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Eye Doctor Jokes, Optometrist Puns, Ophthalmologist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns |
| Dentist Jokes and Toothy Grins | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Doctor Jokes, Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes, Insanely Crazy Puns | Brainy Puns and Cerebral Jokes | 2 |
| Sick Medical Jokes, Hospital Puns, and Healthy Humor | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |


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