Pirate Pick-Up Line: I must be a pirate because I am digging your booty!   PainfulPuns.com - Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Groaners, Ouch!

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Stop undressing me with your eyes. Use your teeth instead!
Pirate Pick-Up Line: Are you a pirate? 'Cause I'm wondering whre you got that booty!
Music Pick-Up Line: I don't play guitar, but I'll pluck your G string!
A Dyslexic Man Walks Into a Bra
Q. What do you call a pig that likes to take off her clothes? A. Bacon Strips!


Breast Jokes, Female Body Humor, Pregnant Puns
Jiggle and giggle along with busty puns, big butt humor, bosom buddy jokes and G spot laughs.

Boob Jokes, Butt Puns, PMS LOLs, Titties Humor
(Because Big Breast Jokes, Melon Puns, and Nippy Humor Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream Before Your Boob Job!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Nipple jokes, nice ass laughs, double D humor and perky bosom puns ahead.
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Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes!Did you hear about the cosmetic surgery clinic's new sign? "If life gives you lemons, we can give you melons!"Q. Why did a guy keep throwing monopoly money at the stripper? A. She kept putting fake boobs in his face!

A guy was staring at Medusa's boobs when she remarked, "Hey, my eyes are up here." But he was already hard as a rock.

Did you hear about the choir singer with augmented breasts? She had a great falsetto!

Q. Which sci-fi gathering do busty blonde aliens attend?
A. Areola 51. Duh!

Q. Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
A. Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Q. How are football games like boobs?
A. Big or small, they're both great except when they're lopsided!

Did you hear about the topless bar that tried to have a Polka night? All the accordianists kept getting hurt!

Q. Where do plastic surgeons shop before a boob job?
A. Breast Buy.

Q. Why did the panda bear want to date the Victoria Secret model?
A. She had really big bamboobs.

Have you seen this year's brand new blonde Dr. Barbie plastic surgeon doll? It operates on DD batteries!

Chat Up a Musician Line: Hey baby, do you play percussion? 'Cause those are some big mallets you've got there.

Q. What happened after the dancer was killed at the stripper bar?
A. Now the place is haunted with en-tities.

Q. Which author was destined to write the new novel, Plunging Necklines?
A. C. Mour Bust.

Q. Why did the blonde ghost try out to be a porn star?
A. 'Cause she had really big boobies.

Q. What do you call a ghost's boobies?
A. Paranormal en-titties.

Q. Why did the blonde vampire try out to be a porn star?
A. 'Cause she had really big fangs and thangs.

Q. How can you tell if a woman is wearing panty hose? A. If she farts, her ankles swell up!Q. What is a Zebra? A. 25 Sizes Larger Than an A Bra!Hey Gnirl, do you play pool? 'Cause I've got the balls and you've got the rack!

Q. How do women and whiskey age alike?
A. The packaging gets a little messed up, but the stuff inside stays pretty much the same.

Q. What's the difference between a glass of wine and a beer-drinking man?
A. A glass of wine hits the spot every time!

Q. Why don't witches wear underwear?
A. So they get a better grip on their broomstick.

Q. What do you call life-sized female store window dummies?
A. Wo-mannequins.

Q. Which unknown fashion designer covertly wrote the stylish best seller, Underware Problems?
A. Lou C. Lastic.

Q. What do a plastic surgeon and a chicken farmer have in common?
A. Both can supply big breasts.

Q. Why did the nicely enowed mermaid wear seashells?
A. Because B-shells were too small.

Q. How is a bad soccer team like a worn-out old bra?
A. No cups and little support.

Warning: The consumption of alcohol may have you wondering what in the hell happened to your bra.

Q. How many gynecologists does it take to replace a light bulb?
A. Just one, 'cause they're experienced in finding their way around the screw hole.

Q. If a bra is called an over the shoulder boulder holder, what do you call men's underwear?
A. Under the butt nut hut!

Q. How are boobs and toys alike?
A. Both are intended for children, but dad can't keep his hands off them.

Q. Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
A. To separate the dairy from the hairy.

Basketball Player Pick-Up Line: Hey bae, are you a hoops fan? 'Cause you've got the basket and I've got the balls.

Ringing Groan of the Day: A guy mentioned that his girlfriend wasn't a very good wrestler, but you should see her box.

Q. What do you do if ife gives you melons? A. See a doctor, because you're dyslexic!Q. What's the difference between snowmen and snow ladies? A. Snow Balls!Q. Why don't single women fart? A. Because they don't have ass holes until they're married!

Q. How are a bar and a bra alike?
A. Both offer varying cup sizes.

Q. What did the boob say to the bikini?
A. You're my breast friend!

Q. What does the geologist call his wife's bra?
A. An over-the-shoulder boulder holder.

Q. What do you call it when somebody trips over a bra?
A. A booby trap.

Q. What do you call a busty primate who works at Hooters?
A. A monkey wench.

Q. How do reporters handle boobs?
A. Press release

Q. What is the difference between a golf ball and the G Spot?
A. A man will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball.

Cocktail Fact of the Day: Martinis are just like nipples. One isn't enough, two is just right, and three is when things start to get weird.

Q. Why does the alcoholic Avon lady walk funny?
A. Because her lips stick.

Q. What's the difference between a skilled magician and a women's choir?
A. The magician has a cunning array of stunts...

Q. What is a nasty name for women's undies?
A. Cuntainers.

Q. How did the blonde feel when the plastic surgeon said she didn't need a butt reduction?
A. She was pretty bummed out.

Fashion Point to Ponder: Are yoga pants the push-up bra for your butt?

Q. How are tight underwear and smiles alike?
A. Both lift your cheeks.

A blonde goes into a bar. Bartender asks her what she'd like and she replies, "Bring me a beer." Bartender asks, "Anheuser-Busch?" Blonde answers, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"

Q. Why do trombonists always have the best sex?
A. 'Cause they always get two holes in seven positions.

Q. What do you call a vegetable with PMS? A. A Cab Bitch!Q. What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman? A. You can unscrew a light bulb!Did you sit in a pile of sugar? 'Cause you have a pretty sweet ass!

PMS jokes are not funny, period.

Q. Have you heard about the new radio station WPMS?
A. They play three weeks of blues and one week of ragtime.

Sick, Sick Hookup Line: Hey girl, playing Doctor is for kids. Let's go back to my place and play Gynecologist.

Q. What happens when you cross a gynecologist drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and a sexy blonde drinking Smirnoff vodka?
A. A Pabst Smir!

Q. What do a near-sighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?
A. Wet noses.

Q. Which musical instrument does the uterus play?
A. A fallopian tuba.

Q. What's even worse than a sick gopher on your piano?
A. A diseased beaver on your organ!

Police Pick-Up Line: I'm not here to bust you. I'm here for your bust.

Q. What is the difference between a magician's wand and a policeman's baton?
A. One is used for cunning stunts...

Q. What do you say to a woman who just won't stop bragging about her long lashes?
A. Put eyelid on it.

Q. What do you call a hot blonde time traveler who's late?
A. Pregnant. Duh!

Frantic Guy on the Phone: My wife is in labor. Her contractions are two minutes apart!
Nurse: Is this her first child?
Frantic Guy: No, you idiot. This is her husband!

Q. What happened when two obstetricians opened a new practice together?
A. They joined the labor market.

Q. How can a pregnant woman tell she's carrying a future policeman?
A. She has uncontrollable cravings for pork.

Patient: I don't know which is worse, having a tooth pulled or having a baby.
Dentist: Well, make up your mind because I'll have to adjust the chair.

Q. Which hospital unit has the most up-to-date equipment?
A. The modernity ward!

Wild Pun of the Day: A young doe gave birth for the first time and knew exactly what to do thanks to her Mother Nature.

Q. What is it called when a proctologist gives her sister an exam?
A. Analysis.

Q. Why is having baby a lot of work?
A. Because it's labor intensive.

Q. How much does male to female gender reassignment surgery cost?
A. Almost a third of your salary.

Q. What do frozen beer, burnt pizza, and a pregnant woman have in common?
A. Some guy forgot to take it out in time!

A woman tells her doctor she wants a hysterectomy. The doc asks, "Why Mrs. Robinson, you're 70 years old?" She replies, "I don't want any grandchildren!"

Feline Fine Pick-Up Line: Hey Kit, they call me the cat whisperer, 'cause I know exactly what a pussy needs.

Briar Patch Pick-Up Line: Hey Bunny, if I were a rabbit, I'd jump in your hole!

Backyard Fauna Come-On: Hey baby, I wish you and I were squirrels, so I could bust a nut in your hole.

Police Pick-Up Line: Hey Blue Man, I hear cops like a big bust.

Fishy Pick-Up Line: Hey Wanda, tonight I'd like to take a dip in your pond.

Q. What was the woman who was expecting twins feeling?
A. Everything she expected two.

Pick-Up a Trombonist Line: Hey big guy, wanna grease my slide?

Clarinet Player Pick-Up Line: Babe, the reed isn't the only thing I can get wet.

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