Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A. Pachydermatologist   PainfulPuns.com - Sick Puns, Doctor Jokes, Healthy Humor

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Why did Nancy find Doctor McCoy so attractive? A. He had great Bones structure
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Q. What do you call an eye doctor in Alaska? A. An optical Aleutian!

 


Doctor Jokes, Nurse Puns, Healthy Humor
Don't overdose on viral medicine puns, sick humor, and bloody funny doctor jokes with heart.

Funny Medical Jokes, Sick Humor, Doctor Puns
(Because Magic Pills and Drugs Are TOO Mainstream and the Best Medicine is Actually Great Belly Laughs!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Funny nurse jokes, medicated humor, and sickening painful puns ahead.
| Doctor Jokes and Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Germ Jokes | Dentist Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |
| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes, Insanely Crazy Puns | Brainy Puns and Cerebral Jokes | 2 |

Q. Why was the cardiologist able to walk to work? A. Because he lived in the heart of the city!Have you read the book, Damn It Jim? It's by Ima Doctor and Nada Bricklayer.Did you hear about the cosmetic surgery clinic's new sign? "If life gives you lemons, we can give you melons!"

Killer Doctor Joke of the Day: My mother used to say that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. She was a lovely woman, but a terrible surgeon.

Q. Why are cardiac surgeons so compassionate?
A. Because nobody else can touch the heart the way they can.

Q. How did the blonde nurse define a triple bipass?
A. A very complicated freeway on ramp.

Q. How does an MDVIP doctor define a triple bipass?
A. A rich play that works better than a quarterback sneak.

Painful Doctor Joke of the Day: I just got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors were all wearing masks!

Q. What is an outpatient?
A. Someone who has fainted when they saw their hospital bill.

Medical Wonder Point to Ponder: If your father was born with a conjoined twin and doctors separated them, do you have an uncle once removed?

Q. Why did the rope go to a doctor?
A. Because it had a knot in its stomach.

Q. Why did the aluminum bucket go to the doctor?
A. It had a pail face.

Today's Medical Wisdom: Never agree to have plastic surgery if the doctor's office is decorated with Picasso portrait prints.

Q. What should you do before having facial reconsturction surgery?
A. Pick your nose...

Q. What is it called when a plastic surgeon agrees to swap breast implant surgery for the tattoo artist's services?
A. Tit for Tat.

Patient: My hair keeps falling out. Have you got anything to keep it in?
Doctor: How about a cardboard box?

Nurse Notes: The patient has no prior history of suicide...

Q. What did teh alien doctor say to the space ship? A. Time to get your booster shot!Did you know that one way to avoid heart surgery is to exercise and eat well? Then you can just bypass it!Q. When does a brain become afraid A. When it loses its nerve!

Q. How does a blonde nurse define himorroid?
A. A guy from outerspace.

Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far...

A doctor walked into a bank full of anti-vaxxers. With a syringe in hand, he says, "Gimme all the money and nobody gets shot!"

Q. How does your nurse practioner define an enema?
A. Not your friend, in the end...

Q. Why do cardiac surgeons make terrific public speakers?
A. Because they always cut to the heart of the matter.

Q. Why should you never open your heart to a cardiac surgeon?
A. Let them do it. It's their job!

Q. What happens if a doctor steals your heart?
A. He gets cardiac arrested.

ER Doctor Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, ICU in my dreams!

Patient: If I give up sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll, will I live longer?
Doctor: No, it'll just seem longer.

Mind Numbing Surgical Point to Ponder: If an anesthesiologist offers to knock you out with either gas or a boat paddle, is that an ether/oar decision?

Doctor: You only have six months to live.
Patient: I can't pay your bill.
Doctor: Okay then, I'll give you another six months.

Q. How much does male to female gender reassignment surgery cost?
A. Almost a third of your salary.

Q. Why did the guy's wife leave him after he spent all their money on multiple penis enlargement surgeries?
A. 'Cause she just couldn't take it any longer.

Q. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb? A. Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to medicare!Before in-ear digital hearing aids were invented, were they unheard of?Sick Humor: They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type O.

Q. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. It depends on whether or not the bulb has health insurance.

Q. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They just say the bulb's condition will turn around.

Q. How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Only one, but he has to ask a nurse which end to screw in.

Patient: I keep hearing ringing noises.
Doctor: Try answering the phone.

Doctor's Checkup Groan or the Day: A nurse practitioner was examining his patient who happened to be hard of hearing. He put his stethoscope to her chest and said, "Big breaths." The woman replied, "Yes, they used to be bigger."

Q. What is a double-blind study?
A. Two audiologists reading an electrocardiogram.

Doctor's Office Groan of the Day: Medical errors are no laughing matter!

ER Doctor: What brings you here?
Dazed and Confused Patient: An ambulance!

Nurse: Would you like an appointment next week?
Patient: NO. I am sick right now!

Q. What do you ge if you have strep throat on Friday?
A. Saturday Night Fever!

Two podiatrists became arch enemies.Sick Banana Joke: Why did the banana go see the doctor? A. It wasn't peeling well!Q. What time is it when a Dalek runs over your foot? A. Time to call the Doctor!

But now the podiatrist's rift is heeled and both currently toe the line.

Did you hear about the new podiatrist office? Now he's got enough patients to foot the bill.

Nurse Notes: The patient is numb from her toes down...

Student Doctor: It looks like there's something written on this patient's big toe.
Famous Surgeon: Oh, yes. That's a footnote.

A man went to the doctor and said he felt run down. Doc asked, "Why do you feel that way?" The man replied, "Well, I have tire marks on my legs."

Q. Why did the mattress need to go see a doctor?
A. Because it had spring fever.

Q. Why are obese people who have had gender reassignment surgery safe from cannibals?
A. Because trans fat is bad for your health.

Medical Point to Ponder: If a doctor's office has two M.D.s on call all the time, is that a parodox?

Pick Up a Doctor Line: Hey dude, are you an allergist? 'Cause you take my breath away.

As a doctor was examining his patient, he asked, "Any coughing, wheezing, or shortness of cash?"

Medical Pick-Up Line: Wanna go study my anatomy?

| Doctor Jokes and Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Germ Jokes | Dentist Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |
| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Sick Medical Jokes, Healthy Hospital Puns | Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes | Brain Jokes | 2 |
| Human Anatomy Jokes | Body Jokes | Inner Body Puns, Back Jokes | Butt Jokes | Heart Humor |
| Male Body Jokes, Viagra Jokes | Female Body Jokes | Hand Jokes, Finger Puns, Arm Humor |
| Head Humor | Face Jokes | Ear Jokes, Nose Puns, Throat Humor | Leg Jokes | Foot Jokes |


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