One garden gnome asked his buddy, "Do you know any shitty puns?"
The second gnome replied, "Manure stupid!"

Q. Why are dung beetles so patient in the garden?
A. Because they're used to dealing with a load of shitty gnome jokes.

Q. What did the dung beetle ask the bartender at the gnome garden bar?
A. Is this stool taken?

Crappy Garden Point to Ponder: Are gnomes really stolen, or does some other weirder shit happen to them at night?

Q. What happened when a manure truck ran over the garden gnomes?
A. They were shit out of luck.

Q. What did the dung beetle order at the garden gnome's fast food joint?
A. The Number Two.

Q. What did the gnome do when he came across monkey poop in the garden?
A. He went absolutely ape shit!

Q. What happens to a gnome with a poop fetish?
A. He gets turd on everytime manure is applied to the garden.

Q. What did the gnome chef have to prepare for the dung beetles in his yard?
A. Hotdogs with must-turd.

Q. What do garden gnomes call a shitty appetizer?
A. An entree-manure.

Q. Why aren't garden gnomes keen on fertilizer?
A. They think it's just a load of shit.

Q. Why did woodland gnomes enjoy the book, Poo Is Great?
A. Because the pro-log section was great!

Q. What do garden gnomes call a cop standing in dog poop?
A. Officer on Duty!

Q. Why don't garden gnomes trust dung beetles?
A. Because they're full of shit.

Q. What do garden gnomes call piles of frog poop?
A. Toad stools.

I'd rather move the planter myself than to have to clean up the gnome sweat later.

Q. Why was the gnome at the bar complaining about a pushy fertilizer salesman?
A. Because there's only so much bullshit a guy can take.

Q. What do gnomes call it when they shart?
A. A lucky streak. EW!

Gnome -----> Away from Gnome. She must have really bad BO?

Gnome Gardening Wisdom of the Day: They say cow manure comes from males. But, that's bullshit!

Q. Why did the constipated gnome poop in the dark?
A. He wanted to scare the shit out of himself.

Q. What happened when feuding garden gnomes waged a war using manure bombs?
A. The losing clan got turd debris burns.

Q. Why did the traveling gnome quit his position as a fertilizer salesman?
A. It was a shitty job.

Q. Why did the traveling gnome step in dog poop?
A. Because he can't see shit without his glasses.

Q. What did the gnome hear when he rang a bell with a piece of crap?
A. Dung.

Q. What do garden gnomes call imitation manure?
A. Shampoo.

Well Shit! Hail Gnome! Is today yet another banker's holiday?

Q. What do gnomes call goose poop that just falls out of the sky on top of them?
A. Crazy shit!

Q. What do gnomes in Gotham City call poop that just falls out of the sky on top of them?
A. Splat! Bat crazy shit!

Q. Why isn't the gnome getting shit for his birthday?
A. Because that would be a stinking gift.

I'd hate to see the job the inconvenient contractor does.

Gnome Factoid of the Day: Did you know that the John Deere manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind?

Q. What do you call a garden gnome who collects plastic bottles and cans and then pees in them?
A. A wee-cycler.

Q. Why did the Mr. Magoo gnome always step in cow pies?
A. Because he couldn't see shit.

Gardening Point to Ponder: They say manure is good for tomatoes, but gnomes gnow that totally ruins the sandwich.

Q. What do you call it if you happen to be out peeing in the garden and you come across a leprechaun?
A. Urine good luck.

Gnomes do not appreciate wading through cow pies, though.

Q. What do gnomes call a self-employed guy who deals in fertilizer?
A. An entre-manure.

Q. Why do gnomes always take toilet paper to the Twilight Zone?
A. Doodoo doodoo...

Q. Why did the gnome quit his job at the manure processing plant?
A. Because it's a very shitty business.

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