Scientists are studying disco music and gnome genes. Results are not published.

Q. Why did the garden gnome hate being short?
A. Because so many of these Painful Puns go right over his head.

Q. Why do garden gnomes just stand there?
A. Because they can't sit down.

Q. How many gnomes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Just one, 'cause mini hands make light work!

Q. How can you tell a horny gnome has been using your lawn mower?
A. Your astro-turf welcome mat has been trimmed into a come mat.

Q. What is the greeting on the gnome's voice mail?
A. Please leave a message. I can't reach the phone right now.

Q. Why was the gnome asked to leave the nudist colony?
A. Because he kept poking his nose into everybody's business!

Gno, not a bad hair day, but he needs a whisker touch up with Just for Gnomes.

Q. When is it okay to beat up a gnome?
A. When he's standing next to your girlfriend and says her hair smells nice.

Q. Why did the blonde gnomette wash her hair in the kitchen sink?
A. She heard that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables.

Did you see the gnome's online ad for $10 hair pieces? I'd say that's a small price toupee!

Gnome salesmen talk too fast, to get the disclaimer in.

Q. What do garden gnomes use for money?
A. Cornbread.

Q. What happened after the gnome's pet cat swallowed a coin?
A. There was money in the kitty.

Q. What did the gnome say when a leprechaun asked him for ten bucks?
A. Sorry, I'm a little short.

Gnome fishing for what?

Q. What do gnome fishermen sing on a romantic date?
A. Salmon Chanted Evening...

Q. Why did gnome go to the lake after being teased by the bully?
A. To fish for compliments.

Q. What does a gnome call his small fish magician?
A. A magic carpet.

Kansas must really have a lot of gnomes?

Q. Which gnome town will not allow humans through the city gates?
A. Gno-man's Land.

Q. How did the Amazon gnomettes refer to their isolated home?
A. Gnoman's Land.

Gnome Point to Ponder: If gnomes are having sex in the garden, does that make it a boneyard?

Humble, Gnome – Where is that, again?

Q. What does a troll call his cottage?
A. Gnome Sweet Gnome.

Q. Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
A. Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!

Gardening Point to Ponder: They say manure is good for tomatoes, but gnomes gnow that totally ruins the sandwich.

Sounds like the worst choice ever.

Q. Why did the gnome banker decide to change careers?
A. Because he lost interest.

Q. Why did the gnome throw money into the river?
A. Because he wanted to better understand cash flow.

Q. Where is the one place a gnome can always find money?
A. In the dictionary!

Home on the Range Point to Ponder: Are gnomes native to America? Do they risk deportation?

Q. What happened when feuding garden gnomes waged a war using manure bombs?
A. The losing clan got turd debris burns.

Q. Why are dung beetles so patient?
A. Because they're used to dealing with a load of shitty gnome jokes.

Q. What do gnomes call a shitty appetizer?
A. An entree-manure.

Suburban AK gnomes often visit, but they always go Nome.

Q. Why can't the Seven Dwarfs walk into a Gnome Tavern?
A. Because the bar is too high.

Q. How did the gnome feel when he was mugged by six dwarfs?
A. Not Happy.

Q. What did the llama say when gnomes invited him out for a picnic?
A. Alpaca lunch.

Gnomes do like to tease dogs and confuse them.

Q. What do you call it when you see a gnome at large escaping over a garden wall?
A. A little con descending.

Q. Why did the constipated gnome poop in the dark?
A. He wanted to scare the shit out of himself.

Q. What do garden gnomes call imitation manure?
A. Shampoo.

Gnome Man is an Island. He can't swim...

One garden gnome asked his buddy, "Do you know any shitty puns?"
The second gnome replied, "Manure stupid!"

Q. Why didn't the gnomes have a fungus farm in their backyard?
A. Because there wasn't mushroom, and they decided to move to Denver 'cause it's so magical there now!

Q. What to gnomes say at a garden party?
A. Lettuce turnip the beet!

Thanks for stopping by and see you again soon!

Join us on social media and please feel free to share our memes with friends and family:

©2017-2021 Painfulpuns.com All rights reserved.