Q. What happens if you play Beethoven backwards? A. He Decomposes!   PainfulPuns.com - Groaner Puns, Painful Jokes, Funny Ouch!

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Q. What do pigs call the creatoin of the universe A. The Pig Bang!
Q. Which side of a Wookiee has the most hair? A. The Outside!
Q. How did the hipster burn his hand? A. He changed the light bulb before it was cool!
Ape Chef Asks: Why should you never insult an Italian baker? Because he'll beat the Focaccia!

 


Groaner Jokes That Hurt Your Funny Bone - Ouch!
Damage your funny bone with painful groaner jokes, zinger humor, and puns that hurt.

Groaner Jokes, Dicey Puns, Precarious Humor
(Because Painful Puns and Deadly Groaner Jokes That Bite Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Humor Sadists!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Painful puns, precarious groaner jokes, and dicey humor ahead.
| Painful Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| Blonde Jokes | 2 | Bad Hair Puns & Barber Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Colorful Groaner Jokes |
| Painful Fashion Jokes | 2 | 3 | Shoe Groans | Furniture Jokes | Psychic Puns | Weather Puns |
| OMG! Religion Jokes | Travel Jokes | Time Travel Jokes | Timely Puns | Cross the Road Jokes |
| Daily Groan Puns | Light Bulb Groaner Jokes | Painful Pirate Puns | Arr! | Creepy Clown Jokes |
| Painful Police Puns | Lawyer Groans | Criminal Jokes | Money Groaners | Gambling Jokes |

Please stop the cow puns? I'm calving nightmares!Hulk Asks: What do you call a workout facility infested with harmful bugs? A. A germ-nasium!Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? His legacy is a pizza history

Q. What is a steak pun?
A. A medium where anything well done is rare!

Q. What do you call a cow space explorer using a porta-potty?
A. An Astrono-Manure.

Steak Pick-Up Line: You're my grill and I'm your broil.

Q. What do you call a bull that pleasures himself?
A. Beef-Strokin'-Off!

Q. What happens if a cow laughs too hard?
A. She cow-lapses!

Workout Wisecrack: I would tell you a gym joke, but you'll have to weight for it...

Q. What condition do you have if you're sick of going to your workout venue?
A. Gym Nausea-m.

Q. Why do cross-fit gyms have chalk?
A. So you can mark where the bodies fall.

Gym Factoid: Did you realize that Dr. Frankenstein was actually the first bodybuilder?

I ran twice today! First, I ran out to get beer and tacos, then I had to run to the restroom.

Q. What happened to the Italian chef who tried to bribe the judge with polenta?
A. He was held in corn-tempt.

Q. Why couldn't the Italian chef get into the restaurant?
A. He had gnocchi.

That Italian chef is really annoying. He's making a pesto himself.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who had mushroom for improvement? He was a fungi, but of questionable morel character.

Funny Chef Tip of the Day: When baking dog biscuits, be sure to use collie flour.

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but he ca't make him drink it!Q. What do you call a plastic surgeon knnown for leaving no scars A. Smooth operator!Q. Why did the banana go out with a prune? A. It couldn't find a date!

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey." Horse says, "Yes please. And can I get a beer with that?"

Bag of fertilizer walks into a bar. Bartender says, "You can come in, but don't give me any sh*t."

Q. How do you get a horse drunk?
A. Drink him under the stable.

A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender asks, "Why the short face?"

Did you hear about the baby born in the new high-tech delivery room? It was cordless!

Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade? She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy – and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now!

Q. Why do bananas do so well on the dating scene?
A. Because they have ap-peel!

Q. What is a banana's favorite pick-up line?
A. Yellow, You!

Q. Why did the banana go to a hair stylist?
A. Because it had split ends.

Q. Why couldn't the whipped cream find the banana?
A. Because it split.

Q. What did the vendor do after running out of hotdogs? A. He made a concession speech!Q. What do you call it if a classical composer falls off his horse but gets back on? A. Bach in the saddle again!Q. What is a pickle's favorite game show? A. Let's Make A Dill!

Q. Why did the disgruntled hot dog vendor quit his job?
A. He just didn't relish it.

Customer: Give me a hot dog.
Waiter: With pleasure.
Customer: No, with mustard!

Q. What do you call a candid hot dog?
A. A Frankfurter.

Q. What do you get if you cross a donkey and a piano?
A. A Yam-Hee-Haw.

Q. What do you call a donkey with a banjo?
A. Bluegr-ass.

Q. How can you tell if your steak enjoys classical music?
A. It frequents the Meatropolitan Opera House and Cownegie Hall!

Q. What is a pickle's favorite movie?
A. Brine's Song.

Q. Which musical instrument do cucumbers prefer to play?
A. The Pickle-O.

Q. What do you call people who post particularly funny pickle puns?
A. Dilly Silly!

Patient: "I keep getting a stabbing pain in my eye when I drink coffee!" Eye Doc: "Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup first?"Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A. A vampire only sucks blood at night!Big Ape Says: Do you need to draw money? I could offer you a pencil!

Q. What did one eye say to the other?
A. Between you and me, something smells.

Q. Why did the eye doctor give new patients Magic Eye puzzles?
A. As an eyes breaker!

Q. What is Conjunctivitis.eye?
A. A site for sore eyes.

Q. What is an eye doctor's favorite dessert?
A. Eyes Cream!

Q. How many lawyer jokes are there?
A. Just this one. The rest are all true stories!

Q. Why do vampire lawyers hate arguments?
A. Because they don't want to get cross.

Q. Where do the cops put vampires before booking them?
A. In red holding cells.

Q. What do you get if you cross Dracula with Al Capone?
A. A blood thirsty fangster.

Whenever I get near my bank, I get withdrawal symptoms. OUCH!

Q. Why did the barber go to the bank?
A. To open a shavings account.

Q. Why can't you borrow money from your chihuahua?
A. Because, arf arf arf, they're always a little short.

Q. Why should you borrow money from a pessimist?
A. He won't be expecting it back.

| Painful Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| Blonde Jokes | 2 | Bad Hair Puns & Barber Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Hipster Pick-Up Lines |
| Painful Fashion Jokes | 2 | 3 | Shoe Groans | Furniture Jokes | Psychic Puns | Weather Puns |
| OMG! Religion Jokes | Travel Jokes | Time Travel Jokes | Timely Puns | Cross the Road Jokes |
| Daily Groan Puns | Light Bulb Groaner Jokes | Painful Pirate Puns | Arr! | Pirate Hookup Lines |
| Painful Police Puns | Lawyer Groans | Criminal Jokes | Money Groaners | Cents-Less Jokes |
| Gambling Jokes, Poker Puns | Circus Jokes, Creepy Clowns | Colorful Jokes, Off-Color Puns |


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You've lasted this far, so here's more precarious humor, stinging laughs,
groaner jokes and dicey painful puns that could damage your funny bone:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

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| Galactic Groans | Green Jokes | Hot Dog Puns | Humor That Sucks | Manly Man Puns | Music Jokes | Red Puns |
| Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Superhero Jokes | Turdy Puns | Weed Jokes | Women Jokes |

Funny Riddles, Punny Answers! Monstrously Funny Puns Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Ouch!
Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Holiday Puns, Silly Seasonal Jokes Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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