Q. What's the greasiest insult Dr. Smith ever slid toward the robot?
A. Unctuous Underling.

Q. What's the most maddeningly malevolent mucky insult Dr. Smith tossed to the robot?
A. Monstrous Mechanized Misguided Moron!

Q. What's the second most hypocritical thing Dr. Smith called the robot?
A. Quivering Quintessence of Fear.

Q. What's the most head-scratching insult Dr. Smith used on the robot?
A. Pot-Headed Prankster.

Q. What's the most hypocritical thing Dr. Smith called the robot?
A. Nervous Ninny.

Q. How do you insult a lazy mule?
A. Call him half-assed!

A man fell in love with his donkey and decided to marry her. At the wedding, the minister said, "Well, this is refreshing. Usually it's the woman who marries the ass."

Q. How do you know if you're butt ugly?
A. A proctologist stuck his finger in your mouth.

Q. Why did the guy decide to find a different proctologist?
A. Because this one makes him feel like some random asshole.

Q. What do you call a donkey that suffered a brain injury?
A. A dumb ass.

A guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are A-holes!" Man at the end of the bar says, "Hey, I object to that!" Guy asks, "Why, are you a lawyer?" Man replies, "No, I'm an A-hole."

Q. Why is psychotherapy a lot faster for a man than for a woman?
A. Because when it's time for a man to go back to childhood, he's already there!

Q. What do you call the short insane guy at the mental hospital who claims he's a little green space man?
A. An Astro-Nut!

A cardiac surgeon tells a guy he has a bad heart. The guy says, "I want a second opinion." So, the doctor says, "You're ugly, too."

Q. What's the most Neanderthal slur Dr. Smith threw at the robot?
A. Nickel-Plated Nincompoop.

Q. What's the F-ing funniest insult Dr. Smith called the robot?
A. Frightful Fractious Frump.

Q. What's the most pusillanimous insult Dr. Smith said to the robot?
A. Primitive Pile of Pistons.

Q. What's the most pin-headed barb Dr. Smith said to the robot?
A. Pusillanimous Pip-Squeak.

Q. What's the most ludicrous lambaste Dr. Smith tossed at the robot?
A. Lead-Lined Lothario.

Q. What's the most tintinnabulating slur Dr. Smith called the robot?
A. Traitorous Tin Tabulation.

Q. What's the difference between a man and Sasquatch?
A. One's covered in matted hair and smells bad; the other has big feet.

Q. How are men and pantyhose alike?
A. Either they cling, or they run, or they don't fit right in the crotch.

Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A. Because men are all pigs.

Q. What's the difference between men and pigs?
A. Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells, and don't work half the time.

Deroatory Dis of the Day: Did you hear about the guy whose hairline was so far back that even archaeologists couldn't find it?

Q. What do you call a basement full of upset women?
A. A whine cellar!

I told my wife that a man is like fine wine; husbands get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.

A lady walked into an optician's office and announced that she had a screw loose. The receptionist directed her to the shrink's office next door.

A guy and a dog are having a few drinks at the bar. So the dog says, "That's ruff, but you think your wife's a bitch?"

Q. How did the guy know he was married to Wonder Woman?
A. She wonders when he'll grow up. She wonders when he'll take out the trash. She wonders when he'll get a raise and promotion. And, she wonders why she ever married him!

Q. Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand?
A. So brunettes can understand them!

Q. Why are most blonde jokes one liners?
A. So men will understand them!

Q. What do you call a group of blondes in one place?
A. A vacant lot.

Q. What do you call a dozen blondes in a walk-in cooler?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. What do you call a room full of redhead beatniks reciting poetry?
A. Ginger snaps.

Q. What do you call a dozen blondes standing in a circle?
A. A Dope Ring!

Insult of the Day: My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy ... so I got drunk.

My girlfriend is such a bad cook that she uses the smoke alarm as a timer.

Q. What do women call a really crappy highlight job?
A. Dye-arrhea.

Q. What did the wife do when her husband told her she was drawing her eyebrows too high?
A. She looked really surprised.

Q. What did the wife do when her husband told her she was drawing her eyebrows too low?
A. She just scowled at him.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. A frigid beer is good!

Q. What do politicians and babies have in common?
A. Both need to be changed regularly ­ for the same stinking reason!

Q. What is the difference between a flying pig and a politician?
A. The letter F.

Q. Why is there so much toilet paper in the US Capitol building?
A. Because there are so many assholes there!

Q. What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer riding a motorcycle?
A. The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

Q. How is attending a Bar Association meeting like going to a bait shop?
A. There is an abundance of worms, maggots, nightcrawlers, and suckers.

Q. Why did the blonde pirate navigator get the crew lost?
A. Because he had ship for brains.

Q. What did they call the dumb blonde pirate?
A. The Pillage Idiot.

Q. What is the difference between smart blondes and UFOs?
A. UFOs are reported all the time.

Q. What do you call six blondes standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel.

Q. What do you call the new blonde teller at the bank?
A. The Nutella!

Q. What do you call a really smart blonde?
A. A Golden Retriever.

Q. What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A. 144 blondes.

Q. Which insulting kind of dinosaur always pissed everybody off?
A. Tyrannosaurus-Vex.

Q. What do you call a fitness center that's dirty and smells like body odor and sweaty socks?
A. Gym-nasty-um.

Q. What do you call a beer drinker without a six-pack?
A. Beer belly.

Q. How does The Hulk describe Painful superhero Puns?
A. Tear-able, Terrible, and Terror-able!

Q. Why shouldn't you insult or taunt a rattlesnake?
A. It might come back to bite you in the end!

Q. Why should you never insult a paleontologist?
A. 'Cause you'll get Jurass kicked.

An Ampersand walks into a bar. Insulting bartender says, "We don't serve characters like you here!"

Bartender Insult Wisdom: The hardest part of the job is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.

A brain walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're already out of your head."

A lighter walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you." Lighter asks, "Why not?" Bartender replies, "You haven't even had one drink, and you're already lit!

A guy was browsing at the liquor store, so the clerk asked, "Do you need help?" The self-depricating guy replied, "Yes, but I'm here to get whiskey instead."

A pile of trash walks into a bar. Insulting bartender says, "Hey, didn't I throw you out yesterday?"

Q. How are beginner trumpet players like pirates?
A. They're both murder on the high Cs.

Q. What do you call an arrogant trumpeter to insult him?
A. A Brass-Hole.

Q. Why is the French horn a divine instrument?
A. If a man blows into it, God only know what comes out.

Q. What happened after the guy had a first date with a dental hygienist?
A. She said she'd had a great time and she'd like to see me again in six months...

Insulting Dish of the Day: Did you hear about the chef who had mushroom for improvement? He was a fungi, but of questionable morel character.

Did you hear about two women digging in the garden? One dug up a foot-long carrot and said, "This reminds me of my husband." Second woman asks, "Your husband is that long?" She answers, "No, that dirty!"

Q. Which animal has an asshole halfway up his back?
A. A police horse.

Q. How do you insult a young guy with the emotional character of a horse?
A. Call him colt-hearted.

Q. Why did the owners name the hot new race horse Bad News?
A. Because Bad News travels fast!

Q. Why don't mules ever do a good job?
A. Because they do everything half ass!

Q. What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear with a harp?
A. A bear-faced lyre.

Q. What did the head chef say to chew out and thoroughly insult the new guy?
A. This duck is so raw that it's still trying to sell me life insurance!

Q. Why should you never say hello to a brown bear's ass?
A. 'Cause you'll meet a grizzly end!

Two guys were hanging at the bar. First guy says, "My wife is just like whiskey." Second guy comments, "Oh, she gets better with age?" "No," replies the snide first guy, "She gives me a headache."

Q. What's the difference between a zebra and a bartender?
A. A zebra has bars all around its butt, but the bartender has assholes all around his bar..

An infectious disease walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here." The disgusted germ walks out muttering, "You are not a good host."

A gun walks into a bar. Bartender says, "I can't serve you. You're already loaded."

A gnome walks into the bar and orders a martini. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can serve you. You're a little drunk."

Q. How do you describe a really corny PainfulPun?
A. Truly ear-ful.

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