Q. What does a dyslexic pirate say? A. RRRRRA!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Yarrr! September 19 is International Talk Like a Pirate Day!
Pirate walks into a bar. Bartender: "Did you know there's a steering wheel in your pants?" Pirate: "Arrr and it's driving ne crazy!"
Q. What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? A. Arrr? No, the C is his love!
Q. Which instrument does a pirate play in the band? A. The Guitarrr!
Q. What is a pirate's favorite vegetable? A. Arrrtichokes!
Q Why did the pirate go on vacation? A. He needed some aRRR and aRRR!
Q. Why did one pirate move to Russia? A. He wanted to become a czarrr!
Q. What is a pirate's favorite restaurant? A Arrrby's!

 


Arr! Arr-some Pirate Jokes and Arr-ful Pirate Puns
Yarr! Arrm yourself with arr-mazing high seas humor, arrogant jokes, and arresting pirate puns.

Pirate Jokes, Matey Funny Puns, Pirate Talk, Yarr!
(Because Marrvelous Jokes and Seaworthy Humor Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for Ye Who Talk Like a Pirate!)
Warning: Talk Like a Pirate at Ye Own Risk! Well-arrmed jokes, arr-tistic humor, and arr-ousing puns ahead.
| Arrr! Talk Like A Pirate Jokes | 2 | High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, Sea Captain Puns | 2 |
| Pirate Jokes and Buccaneer Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Salty Pirate Pick-Up Lines |
| Sport Fishing Jokes and Fisherman Puns | Fishy Jokes | Finny Fish Puns | Groggy Jokes |

Q. How do you save a drowning pirate? A. With C P ARRR!To err is human. To arr is pirate!Q. Who do pirates call if they break a leg? A. Their Carrrpenter!

Q. What is a pirate's favorite type of humor?
A. ARR-ony!

Q. Where do pirates go to get good and drunk?
A. The Sand BaRRR.

Q. Where do pirates store their weapons?
A. In an aRRRsenal.

Q. Where do pirates deposit their trash?
A. In a gaRRRbage can.

Q. Why don't drunken pirates slur their words?
A. Because they're so ARRticulate.

Pirate Point to Ponder: ARRe pirate puns a real pain in the aRRRs?

Q. Why do pirates do so well in elementary school?
A. Because the 3 aRRRs come so naturally to them!

Q. Why do pirates enjoy Playboy magazine?
A. For all the aRRRticles and all the fine booty.

Q. Why aren't pirates troubled by rough waters?
A. Because they're great at enduring arrduous journeys.

Q. Why are pirates so good at math?
A. They love aRRRithmetic.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Aye lady, your grapefruits aRRRe the cure for me scurvy!

Q. Where can a pirate get a haircut?
A. At the baRRRbershop.

Q. When do pirates typically go on vacation?
A. When they need some aRRR and aRRR.

Q. What do pirates do when they have a disagreement with another pirate?
A. They arrgue.

Q. Why can't kids see the new pirate movie? A. Because it's rated ARRR!Q. What does a pirate steal in his spare time? A. Arrrt!Q. Which music style do pirates enjoy most? A. ARRR and B!

Q. Why was the pirate movie rated RRR?
A. There was so much booty.

Q. Why do pirates love the night?
A. Because they do not fear the daRRRk.

Q. When ashore, where does a pirate put his automobile?
A. In a caRRR paRRRk.

Q. What does a pirate's dog say?
A. ARRf ARRf!

Q. Where do pirates go to play pinball?
A. The aRRcade.

Q. What did the pirate say when he left Italia?
A. ARRivederci Roma!

Q. What do pirates do for fun?
A. They paRRRty heaRRRty!

Q. What kind of animal do pirate ships with an ant problem keep on board?
A. AaRRdvarks.

Q. Where do pirates prefer to dock their ships?
A. In a HaRRRbor.

Q. How do you know the pirate ship will show up on time?
A. Because prompt pirates always aRRive on schedule.

Q. Why did the pirate become an aRRcheaologist?
A. He enjoyed hunting for skulls and crossed bones.

Q. Which instrument do rocker pirates usually play?
A. Lead guitaRRR.

Q. How does a pirate put up a smoke screen?
A. He lights up a cigaRRR.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Aye, have ye ever met a man with a real yardaRRRm?

Q. Why do pirates like the game of golf?
A. They always shoot paRRR.

Q. Who settles disputes between pirates?
A. An ARRbitrator.

Q. Which noble gas do pirate chemists prefer?
A. Arrgon.

Q. What does a pirate chef add to a plate to make it look nice? A. A Garrrnish!Q. Why do pirates make great lawyers? A. Pirates have very good arrrguments!Q. What does a pirate say when he steps on a LEGO? A. ARRR! @#$%!

Q. Where do pirates like to cook their steaks?
A. On the baRRRbecue.

Q. What is a pirate's favorite green vegetable?
A. An aRRRtichoke.

Q. Which kind of handcrafted loaves are pirate bakers famous for?
A. ARRtisan bread.

Q. How do pirates stop a buccaneer war to acheive a ceasefire?
A. They sign an aRRmistice.

Q. How did the pirate become a lawyer?
A. He passed the baRRR and the BaRRR exam.

Q. Why was the caged pirate dressed like a lawyer?
A. So he could pass through the baRRRs.

Q. Why do pirates make such great lawyers?
A. Because they're ruthless cut-throats who like to ARRgue.

Q. What crime was the pyromaniac pirate accused of?
A. ARRson.

Q. Why is Donkey Kong still a pirate's fave video game?
A. It's baRRRels of fun!

Q. Which planet is the favorite of pirates?
A. MaRRRs.

Q. Which NASA moon mission will be manned entirely by pirates?
A. The 2024 ARRtemis mission to the lunar south pole.

Q. What do you call a pirate wearing scuba gear?
A. An aRRgonaut.

Q. What is a pirate's best subject in school? A. Arrrt!Q. What do pirates usually order at Italian restaurants? A. Chicken Parrrmesan!Q. Where do pirates keep their cookies? A. In a cookie jarrr!

Q. How does a pirate declutter his vessel?
A. He has a yaRRRd sale!

Q. Why aren't pirates afraid of spiders?
A. Because they admire ARRachnids.

Q. Why aren't pirates allowed to be contestants on Wheel of Fortune?
A. Because they always guess ARRR, then C!

Q. Which street does a pirate travel when in town on shore leave?
A. The main aRRtery.

Q. Why couldn't the pirate eat caRRRot cake?
A. Because he was on a low caRRRb diet.

Q. What kind of food do pirates like best?
A. BaRRR-B-Q!

Q. How do British and Aussie pirates refer to a dumbass landlubber?
A. ARRse.

Q. What is a pirate's favorite part of the foot he still has?
A. The aRRch.

Q. Which candy do pirate kids hope to get for Halloween?
A. Sweet TaRRRts.

Q. How do pirate chefs cook their pasta?
A. ARR dente.

Q. What did the pirate say when his leg got stuck in the door of the walk-in cooler?
A. BRRR! Shiver me timbers!

Q. Where do utopian pirates retire in Greece?
A. ARRcadia.

Q. Why do pirates love Thanksgiving? A. Because they get to carrrve the turkey!Q. Which USA state is the favorite of pirates? A. Arrkansas!Q. What kind of socks do pirates wear? A. Arrrgyles!

Q. Why didn't the pirate eat on stuffing on Thanksgiving?
A. He was on a low caRRRb diet.

Q. What is a pirate's second favorite holiday?
A. ARRRbor Day.

Q. Where do pirates spend the night on shore leave?
A. At the ARRmada Inn.

Q. Why do most pirates end up getting divorces?
A. Due to all the aRRRguments.

Q. Why did the pirate ship builder decide to go back to school?
A. To become an aRRchitect.

Q. Where do pirates get their moonshine?
A. ARRRkansas.

Q. Which state should the Buccaneers football team move to?
A. Arrrkansas!

Q. Why did the pirate speak Spanish so eloquantly?
A. He really rolled his RRRs.

Q. Which ailment to geriatric pirates suffer from most often?
A. ARRRthritis.

Q. Where do pirates hang out in the southern hemisphere?
A. ARRgentina.

Q. What does a dapper pirate wear when there's a chill in the air?
A. A caRRRdigan sweater.

Q. Where do fashionalbe pirates hang their clothes?
A. In an ARRmoire.

Q. Where do many pirates buy food for their parrots?
A. At PetSmaRRRt.

Q. What kind of animal does a pirate keep as a pet?
A. An ARRmadillo.

Q. Who was the first pirate?
A. Noah. He built the ARRRk!

| Arrr! Talk Like A Pirate Jokes | 2 | High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, Sea Captain Puns | 2 |
| Pirate Jokes and Buccaneer Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Salty Pirate Pick-Up Lines |
| Sport Fishing Jokes and Fisherman Puns | Fishy Jokes | Finny Fish Puns | Groggy Jokes |
| Travel Jokes | World Traveler Laughs | Cross the Road Jokes | Time Travel Puns | 2 |
| Hipster Jokes | Hipster Pick Up Lines | Bad Hair Puns and Barber Jokes | 2 | Blonde Jokes | 2 |
| Painful Fashion Jokes | 2 | 3 | Shoe Groan Jokes | Fair Weather Puns | Light Bulb Jokes |
| Daily Groaners | Painful Police Puns | Lawyer Groans | Criminal Jokes | Money Groaners |
| Painful Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |

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