Q. How did Captain Hook die? A. Multiple stab wounds due to an itchy rash!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? A. P – It would be R, but he's missing a leg!
Pirate Pick-Up Line: You must be a pirate because you can swash my buckle any day!
Q. Why should you never take a pea from a pirate? A. Because he'll become irate!
Q. What do pirates usually order at Italian restaurants? A. Chicken Parrrmesan!
Q. Where can ye find a pirate who's lost his wooden legs? A. Right where ye left him!
Pirate Pick-Up Line: I'm a pirate, so you can call me Matey!

 


Booty-ful Humor, Pirate Jokes, Patchy Puns
Ahoy! Welcome aboard for sinking humor, peg leg puns, and shore-ly funny pirate jokes.

Pirate Puns, Buccaneer Jokes, Hook Humor
(Because Buccaneer Jokes and Booty Humor Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for Pirates Who Treasure Davy Jones!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Matey fine puns, pirate humor, and murder on the high seas jokes ahead.
| Pirate Jokes and Arr-ful Buccaneer Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Salty Pirate Pick-Up Lines |
| Arr! Talk Like A Pirate Jokes | 2 | High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, Sea Captain Puns | 2 |
| Pirate Cuisine Jokes and Salty Food Puns | Seafood Jokes, Crusty Crab Humor, Fish Fry Puns |
| Sport Fishing Jokes and Fisherman Puns | Fishy Jokes | Finny Fish Puns | Groggy Jokes |

Q. Which music style do pirates enjoy most? A. ARRR and B!Q. What does a dyslexic pirate say? A. RRRRRA!Q. Which exercise do pirates do for great abs? A. Planks!

Q. How are pirates and trumpet players alike?
A. Both are murder on the high Cs.

Q. Why is Donkey Kong still a pirate's fave video game?
A. It's baRRRels of fun!

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Ahoy! How'd ye like to sink my battleship?

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Aye, you aRRRe the lass I've had my eye on.

Q. Why did a pirate fail algebra?
A. He couldn't find X.

Q. Where can a pirate get a haircut?
A. At the baRRRbershop.

Q. What is a sea pirate's least favorite vegetable?
A. Leeks!

Q. What is a pirate's second favorite holiday?
A. ARRRbor Day.

Q. Where does a pirate stow his gear while working out at the gym?
A. In Davy Jones' Locker.

Q. Why did the pirate give up bowling?
A. Because he had a severe hook.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Just because I wear an eye patch doesn't mean I can't see how beautiful you aRRRe.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Aye wench, how'd ye like to readjust me rigging?

Pirate Pick-up Line: I'm a love pirate looking for some booty!Q. Why are there so few pirate smokers? A. Becausue pirates use the patch!Q. How much did the pirate pay for his piercings? A. A Buck an Ear!

Q. What do pirates on passing ships say to each other?
A. I sea you.

Q. Why do pirates enjoy Playboy magazine?
A. For all the aRRRticles and all the fine booty.

Pick-Up a Pirate Line: Ahoy Matey! That's quite some treasure ye have there.

Q. What do pirates do at the crack of dawn?
A. They ARRise.

Q. How does a pirate put up a smoke screen?
A. He lights up a cigaRRR.

Q. What did the pirate say when his son asked for more money?
A. Shore.

Q. Who wrote the swashbuckling book, I Dig Big Pirate Booty?
A. Barry Ed Treasure.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Doth ye wanna see me parrot?

Q. What is the standard hair style of rookie pirates called?
A. The crew cut.

Q. How did Captain Hook die?
A. Multiple stab wounds as a result of Poison Ivy rash.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Well, blow me down!

Q. How did the pirate revive his drowning shipmate?
A. He used C.P.RRR.

Q. How does a pirate declutter his ship? A. He has a Yarrrd Sale!Q. Why don't pirates shower before they walk teh plank? A. Because they'll just wash up on shore later!Pirate Pick-Up Line: Is that a wooden leg, or are you happy to see me?

Q. When is the best time for a pirate to buy a new ship?
A. When they are on sail!

Q. What kind of laundry detergent do sailors use?
A. Tide.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Ahoy there! I'll be the captain, if you'll be my first mate.

Q. Do old sea pirates ever die?
A. No, they just drift away.

Q. What does a pirate need to dream about surfing?
A. Brain waves.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: My lady, you can unfurl my sail any time!

Old pirates never die. They just sail into the sunset.

Q. How did the pirate become a lawyer?
A. He passed the baRRR and the BaRRR exam.

Pick-Up a Pirate Line: Ahoy Sailor! That's quite a cutlass ye have there!

Q. How do you describe an enthusiastic, passionate pirate?
A. ARRdent.

Q. Which candy do horny pirates hope to get for Halloween?
A. Sweet TaRRRts.

Pick-Up a Pirate Line: Lad, aye'd like to wear your patch.

Q. Why can't kids see the new pirate movie? A. Because it's rated ARRR!Q. What did the pirate name his dog? A. Patches!Q. What does a pirate say when he steps on a LEGO? A. ARRR! @#$%!

Q. Why do pirates make great actors?
A. They really know how to pillage the show.

Q. Why don't pirates bother going to strip clubs?
A. Because they all ready know whar all the booty blows.

Q. How did the pirate stop smoking cigaRRRs?
A. He used the patch.

Q. What time of day do pirates prefer?
A. The daRRRk.

Q. Where do many pirates buy food for their parrots?
A. At PetSmaRRRt.

Q. What does a pirate's dog say?
A. ARRf ARRf!

Q. When ashore, where does a pirate put his automobile?
A. In a caRRR paRRRk.

Q. What does a pirate always look for even when it's behind him?
A. Booty!

Q. What look does a pirate give his shipmates before walking off the ship?
A. A plank stare.

Q. What happened when the pirate's wooden leg caught on fire?
A. He was burned down to the ground!

Q. What stage prop does every pirate actor rely on?
A. A peg leg.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Aye, that's the finest booty I've laid me eye on!

Q. Which Denver suburb do pirates prefer? A. Arrrvada!Q. What do you call a pirate that skips history class? A. Captain Hooly!Q. Who do pirates call if they break a leg? A. Their Carrrpenter!

Q. When do pirates typically go on vacation?
A. When they need some aRRR and aRRR.

Q. What did the pirate say when he left Italia?
A. ARRivederci Roma!

Pirate Trivia: Is there a pirate saint? Yes, Greatbeard was cannonized.

Q. How does a pirate declutter his vessel?
A. He has a yaRRRd sale!

Q. Why are pirate jokes so funny?
A. Because they arRRe a baRRRel of laughs!

Q. What sort of grades does a bright pirate get in school?
A. High Cs.

Q. Why are pirates so good at math?
A. They love aRRRithmetic.

Q. What does a pirate call a portable writing surface for buccaneers aboard?
A. A shipboard clipboard.

Q. Which NASA moon mission will be manned entirely by pirates?
A. The 2024 ARRtemis mission to the lunar south pole.

Q. Where do pirate painters buy their brushes?
A. At an aRRRt supply store.

Q. How much does a pirate pay for his earrings?
A. A buccaneer!

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Lassie, not only do I have a ship, but it's a long one.

Q. How do you know the pirate ship will show up on time?
A. Because prompt pirates always aRRive on schedule.

| Pirate Jokes and Arr-ful Buccaneer Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Salty Pirate Pick-Up Lines |
| Arr! Talk Like A Pirate Jokes | 2 | High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, and Sea Captain Puns | 2 |
| Pirate Cuisine Jokes and Salty Food Puns | Seafood Jokes, Crusty Crab Humor, Fish Fry Puns |
| Sport Fishing Jokes and Fisherman Puns | Fishy Jokes | Finny Fish Puns | Groggy Jokes |
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| Groaner Jokes | Daily Groaners | Police Puns | Lawyer Groans | Criminal Jokes | Money Groans |
| Hipster Jokes | Bad Hair Puns | 2 | Blonde Jokes | 2 | Light Bulb Jokes | Fair Weather Puns |

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