Please stop the cow puns? I'm calving nightmares!   PainfulPuns.com - Animal Puns, Farm Humor, Clucking Funny Jokes!

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Q. Why do horses fart when they buck? A. Because they can't acheive full horse power without gas!
A chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances. The police suspect fowl play!
Q. Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? A. He's got no beef!
Q. Why don't they have toilet paper at KFC? A. It's finger-licking good!
Q. How do you fit more pigs on a farm? A. Build a styscraper!

 


Farm Animal Humor and Domesticated Laughs
Slop around our porcine puns, bovine belly laughs, farm jokes and clucking funny chicken humor.

Farm Jokes, Stock Humor, Livestock Puns
(Because Chic Citified Jokes and Urban Puns Are TOO Mainstream for Suburban Hipster Chickens – at Dawn!)
Warning: Farm Animal Jokes Present, So Watch Where You Walk! The poop isn't the most painful thing here.
| Farm Jokes and Farm Animal Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Animal Pick-Up Lines |
| Funky Chicken Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Funny Cow Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Beefy Humor | 2 |
| Farmer Jokes | Cowboy Jokes | Goose Jokes, Duck Puns | Pig Jokes | 2 | 3 | Baad Sheep Puns |
| Horse Jokes | 2 | 3 | Donkey Puns | Broncos Jokes | Animal Poop Puns | Wild Animal Jokes |
| Animal Music Jokes | Party Animal Puns | Pet Puns | Sports Animal Jokes | Xmas Animal Puns |

Q. Who wond the cowboy's chess match? A. It ended in a drawl!Q. Where does the one-legged waitress work? A. At IHOP!Q. What do you call a pig that wins the lottery? A. Filthy Rich!

Q. Why did the Sir Lancelot's horse miss the jousting match?
A. It was his knight off.

Q. Which NFL Super Bowl matchup caused the most arguing on the Ranch outside Denver?
A. Cowboys vs Broncos.

Q. Which street do horses typically live on?
A. Mane Street!

Q. Why did the horse talk with hay in its mouth?
A. It lacked good stable manners.

Q. What do you get if you cross a baby chick and an alley cat?
A. A Peeping Tom.

Q. What do you call a volume of jokes for chickens?
A. A yolk book.

Q. What is Superchicken's secrect identity?
A. Cluck Kent.

Q. Which type of chicken is especially good at telling jokes?
A. A comedi-hen.

Q. Why did the athletic pig lose the race?
A. He pulled his hamstring.

Q. Why did the cops arrest a fellow pig?
A. Because he was suspected as the infamous hamburglar.

Q. Which swine was the most famous artist of the 20th Century?
A. Pigcasso.

Q. What do you get if you cross a dinosaur and a hog?
A. Jurassic Pork.

Farm Humor: An Expert Farmer is Outstanding in His FieldQ. What is a cow's favorite musical note? A. Beef Flat!Q. What was teh transvestite rooster's stage name? A. Dawn!

Q. Why is it hard to keep secrets on a farm?
A. Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.

Q. How does a hog farmer get to the county fair?
A. He rides piggyback.

Q. What do you get if you cross a robot and a tractor?
A. A Trans-farmer!

Farmer Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I'd like to harvest you during peak season.

Q. What do you call a bull that pleasures himself?
A. Beef-Strokin'-Off!

Q. Which USA holiday is by far the favorite of cows?
A. Moomorial Day.

Q. Which disease do cows suffer from when they get sick in the spring?
A. Hay Fever.

Did you know that beef cows are vegetarians so that you don't have to be?

Q. What do you call a crazy chicken?
A. A cuckoo cluck!

Q. What does a rooster in London say?
A. Cockney-doodle-do.

Q. What does a grammy winning rooster sing?
A. Rocker-doodle-do.

Q. What does a one-legged rooster say at the break of dawn?
A. Cock-eyed-doodle-do!

Mooving Banana Joke: How are cereal bananas like cows? A. Both get milked every morning!Q. What did the waiter say to the horse? A. Sorry, I can't take your order. That's not my stable!Did you hear about the snobby cow? A. She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!

Q. Where do cows go for lunch?
A. Calf-eteria.

Q. What does a cow chef use to rinse produce and pasta?
A. Her cowlander.

Q. What do you call a very sad cow?
A. Mooved to tears.

Q. What does a calf get after its done all its chores?
A. A little moo-ney.

Q. What do horses wrap their leftovers in?
A. Aluminum foal.

Q. Which kind of horses go out at night?
A. Nightmares.

Q. Why did the horse talk with hay in its mouth?
A. It lacked good stable manners.

Q. Which kind of horse really enjoys baked beans?
A. The Pinto.

Q. Why was the well-done steak's gossip so bad?
A. It wasn't juicy enough.

Q. Who is a T-bone steak's all time favorite movie director?
A. Sizzle B. DeMille.

Q. Which farm animals do you always take to be with you?
A. Your calves!

Q. What did the calf ask the silo?
A. Is my fodder in there?

Q. What do you get if you cross a duck and a vampire? A. Count Quackula!Q. What do you call an evil cow? A. De-moon-ic!Q. What did a farmer give his wife on Valentine's Day? A. Hogs and kisses!

Q. What language does a goose speak?
A. Portu-geese!

Q. What do you get if you cross a goose and a lawn mower?
A. Shredded Tweet.

Q. What do you get when a duck squats?
A. Butt-quack.

Q. What happens if ducks fly upside down?
A. They quack up!

Poultry Pick-Up Line: Hey Bird, how about you be my turkey? 'Cause I can give you the stuffing you've been needing.

Q. Why don't vampires bother dairy cattle?
A. Because they just cownt.

Q. What do you get if you cross an angry sheep with a moody cow?
A. An animal in a really baad moood!

Q. What do you get from a forgetful cow?
A. Milk of Amnesia!

Q. Why do ballerina cows have hooves instead of feet?
A. What's the pointe? Because they lactose!

Milky Pick-Up Line: Hay girl, have you ever milked a cow before? 'Cause your gonna need a bucket for this too.

Q. What do you call it when a sow takes off her clothes?
A. Bacon strips!

Q. What is a happy farmer's favorite candy?
A. Jolly Rancher.

Q. What did the needy pig say to the farmer?
A. You take me for grunted.

Farmer: Why can't you make bread like my mother?
Wife: Why can't you make dough like my father?

Farmer Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, those roses aren't the only thing with a long stem.

| Farm Jokes and Farm Animal Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Animal Pick-Up Lines |
| Funky Chicken Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Funny Cow Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Beefy Humor | 2 |
| Farmer Jokes | Cowboy Jokes | Goose Jokes, Duck Puns | Pig Jokes | 2 | 3 | Baad Sheep Puns |
| Horse Jokes | 2 | 3 | Donkey Puns | Broncos Jokes | Animal Poop Puns | Wild Animal Jokes |
| Animal Music Jokes | Party Animal Puns | Pet Puns | Sports Animal Jokes | Xmas Animal Puns |


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You've moo-ved along this far, so here's even more plucky humor,
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