A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey." The horse says, "Buddy, you read my mind1"   PainfulPuns.com - Bartender Puns, Beer Jokes, Bar Humor!

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A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much a beer is. Bartender says, "For you, no charge."
Q. What does a vampire on a diet drink? A. Blood Light!
Q. What is the world's most popular wine? A. I don't like Brussels sprouts!
Q. Do locksmiths hold the key to happiness? A. No, but they can open the liquor cabinet!
Q. Why did the Grinch go to the liqour store? A. He was looking for the holiday spirit!

 


Drunk Jokes, Funny Bar Puns, Drinking Humor
Toast the town with potent cocktail puns, boozer humor, barfly laughs and good stiff drink jokes.

Bartender Humor, Bar Jokes, Drinking Puns
('Cause Drunken Jokes, Lush Humor, and Spirited Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream at Friday Night Happy Hour!)
Warning: Proceed with Due Caution! Hangover humor, fermented jokes, lush laughs and potent puns ahead.
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |

Chimp says: Love has four letters, but then again, so does beer!Q. What do you call a guitarist that drank too much alchohol? A. Bassist loaded!Thank God it's Monday! ~ My Liver!

Brew Pub Fact of the Day: Men do make passes at girls with empty glasses.

Today's Beer Mantra: Just Brew It!

Q. Why do blondes prefer sudsy beer puns?
A. Because they like good, clean humor.

I like my water with barley and hops.

Q. What's it called if you're stuck in a polar vortex without any beer?
A. Cold sober.

Brewed Poem of the Day: I love you more than beer, and I really love beer.

E-Flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors here!

A piano walks into a bar after hours. Bartender says, "Who gave you the keys?"

Here's a toast to the nights we won't remember with friends we'll never forget!

Q. How can a Pabst drinker tell twelve beers is enough?
A. It'll feel like 1 2 many.

Drunken Point to Ponder: If you're an alcoholic if you drink too much vodka, then are you Fantastic if you drink too much orange soda?

I drank so much that I'm donating my liver to science fiction.

I plan to donate my liver to an alcoholic so I'll know it's a match.

Drunken Point to Ponder: If you're suffering through a hangover, are you a recovering alcoholic?

Q. What did the other blonde say when a guy at the bar asked her if she liked cocktails?
A. I don't know. Show me one.

Q. What do you call a deer that can't quit drinking?
A. An elk-o-holic.

Beer mugs ask: What has eight arms and an IQ of 80? Four guys drinking beer and watching a football game!Q. What does a Dalek say when it's drunk? A. In-tox-ic-ate!Beer-Drinking Chimp Says: Happy Bent-Day!

Never look at your beer as half empty. Look at it as you're half way to your next beer.

Q. Which beer do the NY Rockettes and their fans prefer?
A. Heinie Can Can.

Money can't buy happiness. Wrong! Yes it can, if it's used to buy beer!

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. A beer doesn't get jealous if you grab another beer.

Mr. Spock, a rabbit, and a corn stalk walk into a bar. Bartender asks, "You guys want to hear a joke?" They replied, "We're all ears."

The last man on Earth walks into a bar and says, "Drink, I'd like another bartender."

Drunken Line of the Day: A hangover will only last a day, but the memories we make tonight will last a lifetime.

Alcohol should be served in Capri Sun pouches. When you can't get the straw in the hole, you've had enough.

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Double Entendre. So, he gives it to her.

Q. What do you call a man with a pint of Labatt on his head?
A. A taxi. Clearly, he's had too much to drink and is being a nuisance.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. If a beer goes flat, you can just toss it.

Alcohol not only expands blood vessels, but also communications.

Beer glass asks: Why does corona go through your system so fast? A. Becuase it doesn't have to stop to change color!Martini Says: TGIF It's Friday!Pitcher of beer asks: What do you call it when the whole town drinks from the same barrel? A cask of thousands!

Beer Truth of the Day: Good people drink good beer!

Q. Which beer does Chewbacca enjoy when he's anywhere near Wisconsin?
A. Milwookiee's Best!

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. Beer doesn't tell you to go mow the lawn.

Say "beer can" with a British accent. I just taught you how to say "bacon" with a Jamaican accent.

A fish walks into a bar and orders a Scotch and water, and tells the bartender: "Hold the Scotch, and bring it in a large bowl."

Wise Beer Words of the Day: If at first you don't succeed, try a bottle opener 'cause it must not be a twist-off cap.

I only drink on two occasions: When it's my birthday, and when it's not.

I told myself that I should stop drinking, but I'm not about to listen to a drunk that talks to himself.

Blonde: Can domestic beer make you smarter?
Brunette: Well, it made Bud wiser.

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Martinus. Bartender asks, "Do you mean Martini?" Caesar replied, "No, If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it."

Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. However, this joke only caused a pregnant pause...

Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour. But, teach him how to brew and he wastes a lifetime.

Wort Joke of the Day: Save the Earth! It's the only planet with beer!

Two guys were fishing in a boat when one guy pulled a genie in a bottle out of the lake. The grateful genie grants them one wish. First guys says, "I wish this lake was full of beer." Poof! It's beer. Second guy says, "You idiot, now we have to pee in the boat!"

Q. What do you call a magician who makes craft beer disappear?
A. Brew-Dini.

Q. How do you know you've encountered a Redneck Jedi?
A. He uses his R-2 unit as a beer coaster.

You might be from Colorado if you don't drink and drive.Glass of Beer Says: Happy Mug Day!Beer Drinking Chimp Says: Hello Saturday, glad we're here again, my dear friend!

A pro golfer walks into a bar wearing his cleats, with another shoe hanging around his neck. Bartender asks, "Why the extra shoe?" Golfer replies, "In case I get a hole in one."

After a round of golf, a guy goes to the club bar. A blonde sits next to him and says, "I'm a hooker." Golfer replies, "If you turn your hands on the shaft a bit more to the left, you'll slightly slice."

Green Cocktail Point to Ponder: Do leprechauns party at a mini bar?

Q. Why did the alcoholic keep switching between vodka and whiskey?
A. He was great at multi flasking.

Q. What makes ale pale?
A. Pee.

Beer, because you can't drink bacon!

Q. What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
A. The sofa doesn't keep asking for Bud Light!

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. You can have a beer in public.

An infectious disease walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here." The disgusted germ walks out muttering, "You are not a good host."

It's Saturday! The toughest decision you need to make is bottle or draft.

Beer: The reason I wake up every afternoon.

Did you hear about the amnesiac who walked into a bar? He asked a blonde if he comes there often...

Q. What did the sign on the brothel above the bar say?
A. Beat It! We're Closed.

Q. What has happened since the dancer was killed at the stripper bar?
A. Now the place is haunted by en-tities.

| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |
| Restaurant Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack Puns | Munchies Jokes |


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