Best way to choose which beer to drink: a case by case basis   PainfulPuns.com - Bartender Puns, Beer Jokes, Bar Humor!

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Q. How do you get a horse drunk? A. Drink him under the stable!
Q. How many gorillas does it take to change a light bulb? A. One one, but it takes a butt load of Bud Light!
Q. What do you call a guitarist that drank too much alchohol? A. Bassist loaded!
Wine Humor: Women are like fine wine. They get more expensive with age!
Whiskey Says: Happy Booze Day!

 


Bar Jokes, Bartender Puns, Intoxicating Humor
Serve up a round of high octane liquor laughs, bartender puns, drink humor and funny bar jokes.

Drinking Humor, Bartender Jokes, Cocktail Puns
(Because Funny Drinking Jokes and Drunken Humor Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream, Unless You're the Bartender!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Funny beer jokes, de-vine wine humor, drinking laughs and shot puns ahead.
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but he ca't make him drink it!Beer glass quips: Life and beer are veryy similar. Chill for best results!Wine lover's humor: I drink wine because I don't like to keep things bottled up!

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey." Horse says, "Yes please. And can I get a beer with that?"

Q. Why don't mathematicians serve beer at their parties?
A. Because you can't drink and derive.

Q. What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
A. About a six pack.

Bag of fertilizer walks into a bar. Bartender says, "You can come in, but don't give me any sh*t."

Beergasm: The climactic moment when you take the first sip at the end of the day.

It's no coincidence that beer rhymes with cheer.

Hoppy Words of Wisdom: Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Q. How do your lips greet your beer?
A. Hi baby, I'm so glad to see brew again.

Beer Point to Ponder: If you can't drive and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy beer?

Q. Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
A. Because they're de-vine!

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.

Q. Why does your grandma like wine so much?
A. Because at her age, she needs glasses!

Wine flies when you're having fun!

My wine drinking is merely functional. My personality is better with a little marinade.

Monday morning coffee is just as important as Friday night beer...almost!You might be from Colorado if you enjoy craft beers with punny names!Women's Wine Joke: What's the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot every time!

Bacon cannot solve all our problems. That's what beer is for.

My favorite bottled water is called Beer.

If you're sick of beer, you must really be ale-ing.

Q. Which kind of beer do pharmacists recommend?
A. Pilsner.

Q. Which style of beer appeals most to composers?
A. Bock.

Q. How does one decide to host a night of Star Trek poetry reading?
A. Weigh the prose and Khans and open a bottle of Romulan ale.

Abs are cool and all, but have you tried craft beer?

Q. Why did the Colorado brewer name his new craft beer Rocky Mountain Wry?
A. Because it's a real barrel of laughs!

A skunk ambles into Wynkoop Brewing Company in LoDo Denver and asks the beer-tender, "Hey, where did everybody go?"

Q. What did the craft brewer say when he tasted his best beer ever?
A. This brew is wort its weight in gold!

This new craft beer is not ale it's cracked up to be.

Today's Drinking PSA: Save the ales!

Wine Lover's Word of the Day: I have joy in my heart and a glass of wine in my hand. A coincidence? I think not.

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, you're eyes are as sparkling as this glass of champagne.

Great wine requires a mad man to grow the vine, a wise man to watch over it, a lucid poet to make it, and a lover to drink it.
– Salvador Dali.

Bummer, I knocked over a glass of chablis, but it wasn't much to wine about.

Q. What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
A. Liquidate it to the highest bidder.

Q. Do locksmiths hold the key to happiness? A. No, but they can open the liquor cabinet!Q. What does Batman put into his cocktails? A. Just ice!Q. What's a vampire's favorite drink? A. A Bloody Mary!

An SEO expert walks into a bar for a quick drink, sip, ale, pint, cocktail, brew, refreshment, beverage, shot, gulp...

A ceiling fan walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer, but I can't pay you until tomorrow." Bartender says, "Look, we've gone round and round about this."

A potato walks into a bar, and all eyes were on him.

Q. Why did the blonde bar patron claim to be cosmopolitan?
A. 'Cause she was full of vodka and cranberry juice.

Q. How are vodka shots like children?
A. If you have more than a few, you'll likely be crying by the end of the night.

Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to believe you're invincible. If you're not a superhero, you must be drunk!

Q. Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
A. Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!

Q. What is the only drink size they allow in North Korea?
A. A supreme liter.

National Tequila Day is July 24. I wasn't going to celebrate it, but on second thought, I believe I will give it a shot.

Q. What did the comedy club comedian say after he splashed cocktails on himself?
A. The drinks are on me.

Q. What was Dracula doing at the London pub?
A. Having a bloody good time.

You can consider yourself lucky in life if the cognac you're drinking is older than the woman you're sleeping with.

Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.

Drunken Point to Ponder: Donald Trump is like top shelf vodka. Expensive, transparent, and wouldn't be here if not for Russia!

An Oreo walks into a bar, finds it's after last call, and falls apart. Bartender says, "I guess that's how the cookie crumbles."

Wine Joke: Did you hear about the new grape variety that acts as an anti-diuretic? It's called Pinot More!Golf ball says: If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt!Wine Humor: Is a wine hangover the wrath of grapes?

"Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right."
– Mark Twain

In NYC folks hail taxis. In Napa Valley, they hail cabs.

Q. What's the difference between a glass of wine and a beer-drinking man?
A. A glass of wine hits the spot every time!

Q. What did the green wine grape say to the purple grape?
A. Breathe, Breathe!

Q. Which chest exercise keeps vintners in grape shape?
A. Wine press.

Beer: Now cheaper than gasoline. So drink, don't drive!

Q. Why wouldn't the bartender serve the golf club?
A. Because it would be driving later.

Drinking FYI: Never text while driving. You might spill your beer.

Q. Why wasn't the guy angry after burglars stole all his booze?
A. Because they lifted his spirits.

Son, when I was your age, there was no social media. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women.

Q. When is the proper time to uncork a bottle of fine?
A. At Wine O'Clock!

Vintage Factoid of the Day: Wine is Win followed up with a little e. True story.

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, I've heard drinking wine makes me look sexy, so have another bottle.

Did you know that wine does not make you fat? In fact, it makes you lean ... against walls, chairs, tables, and ugly people.

Wine lover's welcome mat reads: "We only serve the finest vintage wines. Did you bring any?"

| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |
| Restaurant Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack Puns | Munchies Jokes |


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