Grandpa
got a selfie stick for Father's Day. Turned out that he
can finally hold the phone far enough away to read his text
messages!
Q.
What did the elderly man say when he bumped into an od friend
right after getting new glasses?
A. Hello! Long time, no see!
Grandpa's
Weather Report: It's so foggy tonight that I can see through
my cataracts.
A
crazy old lady walked into an optician's office and announced
that she had a screw loose. The receptionist directed her
to the shrink's office next door.
Q.
What happened after Grandpa lost his glasses at the local
pub?
A. The rest of the evening was a total blur.
Q.
Why did the near-sighted old man fall into the mineral springs?
A. Because he didn't see that well!
Don't
you just hate it when you've misplaced your glasses, look
for them everywhere, and then realize they're on top of
your head?
Q.
Who can help your grandfather wheb his glass eyeball has
gone missing?
A. A private eye!
Q.
Which kind of computers do grandfather optometrists prefer
for their grandkids?
A. eyeMacs. |
A
woman tells her doctor she wants a hysterectomy. The doc
asks, "Why Mrs. Robinson, you're 70 years old?" She replies,
"I don't want any grandchildren!"
Girl:
Mom, What's it like to have the best daughter in the world?
Mother: I don't know. Ask your grandmother.
Q.
Why was the elderly cat lady's sweater covered in cat hair?
A. 'Cause her cats trans-furred it there.
Q.
What is it called when you monitor the number of cats your
grandmother owns?
A. Keeping tabbies on her.
Q.
What game do the old undertaker's grandkids play?
A. Corpse and Grave Robbers!
Q.
What did the bald grandfather say when his young grandson
gave him a comb for his birthday?
A. Gee thanks, I'll never part with it.
Grandson:
Gramps, should I be afraid to fart while I pee?
Granddad: Nah kiddo, it's just like rain with a little thunder.
Q.
What did the optician say to the old geezer who complained
about his blurry glasses?
A. If you're going to clean your eyeglasses with a tissue,
do it before you blow your nose! |
Q.
What happened when the elderly couple watched a TV ad for
hearing aids?
A. The wife was all ears.
Elderly
Patient: Doc, I can't hear out of my left ear.
Doctor: Are you sure?
Patient: Yes, I'm deaf-inate.
A
state trooper pulled over an elderly farmer on a rural road
and said, "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the
truck a mile ago?" The old farmer replied, "Thank God, I
thought I was going deaf."
Senior
Patient: I keep hearing ringing noises.
Doctor: Try answering the phone.
Elderly
Male Patient: Doc, I think I'm losing my hearing.
Doctor: What are the symptons?
Old Man: Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie.
Doctor:
Good news. You passed your hearing test.
Elderly Patient: What?
Q.
What happened when Gramps forgot to wear his hearing aid?
A. Granny gave him an earful.
A
nurse practitioner was examining his elderly patient who
happened to be hard of hearing. He put his stethoscope to
her chest and said, "Big breaths." The old woman replied,
"Yes, they used to be bigger." |