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Q. What do you call it if a classical composer falls off his horse but gets back on? A. Bach in the saddle again!
What do you call an alien stereo system in a futuristic film? A Sci-Fi Hi-Fi!
Why do gnomes make bad rappers? Gnome Rhyme, Ignor Reason!
Q. What do you call a guitarist that drank too much alchohol? A. Bassist loaded!
Q. What is a sous chef's favorite song? A. Dice Dice Baby!

 


Musician Jokes and Musical Instrument Humor
Rock along with musical ensemble jokes, instrumental musician humor, and really band puns.

Music Jokes, Band Humor, Musician Puns
(Because Encores and Standing Ovations Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Musicians or Stand-Up Comedians!)
Warning: Note, Ear Protection Advised! Loud music humor, tone-deaf jokes, and flat musician puns ahead.
| Music Jokes, Musician Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | Musician Come-Ons |
| Brassy Music Jokes | Chef Tunes and Culinary Beats | Classical Music and Composer Jokes |
| Colorado Music Jokes | Drummer Jokes | Gnome Music Puns | Guitar Jokes | Hip Hop Humor |
| Piano Jokes, Keyboard Puns | Rocking Rock 'N Roll Jokes | Rock Group Puns and Band Jokes |
| Scary Music Jokes | Sci-Fi Music Jokes | Singer, Vocalist, Song Jokes | Sax and Violins Puns |
| Musical Superhero Jokes | Weed Music Jokes | Wild Animal Music Beasts | Xmas Carol LOLs |

Q. How can you tell if the concert stage is level? A. Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth!Wookie Asks: What makes music on your hair? A. A head band!Q. What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument? A. A Moo-Sician!

Q. Why do drummers have lots of kids?
A. They're not too great at the Rhythm Method.

Q. What do you call a head injury at a drummers convention in Moscow?
A. A concussion at the Russian percussion discussion.

Q. Why didn't the drummer commit a crime?
A. 'Cause he couldn't handle the repercussions!

Q. Which rapper has small abdominal muscles?
A. 2Pac.

A topless bar tried to have a Polka night, but all the accordianists kept getting hurt. OUCH!

Stand Up Singer: Where is my book of opera puns?
Classical Music Agent: Overture house.

Q. What happened when the horny conductor tried to sleep with each member of the orchestra?
A. He only made it to second bass.

Q. How do you rate Smashing Pumpkins in your top 90s bands?
A. Less Than Jake, but Better Than Ezra.

Q. How can you tell if your steak enjoys classical music?
A. It frequents the Meatropolitan Opera House and Cownegie Hall!

Did you know that cows like Marvin Gaye? Yes, I heard it through the bovine.

Q. What happens when you sing country music backward?
A. Your wife and your dog come back.

Q. What do you call a musical ensemble made up of whales?
A. An orca-stra.

Q. What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend? A. Homeless!Q. How do you make a band stand? A. Take away their chairs!Q. What is a locksmith's favorite band? A. The Monkees!

Two guys were walking down the street. One was destitute; the other was a guitar player, too.

Q. How do you get two guitarists to play in perfect unison?
A. Fire one of them.

Did you hear about the heavy metal guitarist who locked his keys in the car? He had to break the window to let the drummer out.

Music Student Chat Up Line: Bro, my flute instructor says I have a great blow technique.

Q. What is a true gentleman?
A. A guy who knows how to play the oboe, but doesn't.

Q. Why was the soprano standing outside the door?
A. She forgot the key.

Q. How can you tell which kids at the playground are the trumpet player's?
A. They're the ones who really know how to swing!

Musician Pick-Up Line: Hey there big fella, flute players are known for cheap trills.

Q. What is every alley cat's favorite song?
A. Three Blind Mice.

Q. What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A. A bear-faced lyre!

Q. What is the missing link between the bass and an ape?
A. The baritone.

Key Note Pick-Up Line: Hey big guy, did you know that flute players have incredible finger dexterity?

Is it just another manic Monday?Q. Which are the only notes a pirate vocalists can hit? A. The high Cs!Q. How are a viola and a lawsuit alike? A. Everyone is relieved when the case is closed!

Q. What's the difference between an electric guitar and a lawn mower?
A. You can tune a lawn mower.

Q. What do you call a female police officer who plays guitar?
A. She Riff.

Q. What did the guitar say to the guitarist?
A. Pick on somebody your own size.

Q. What did the forensic scientist name as the cause of the haunted harpsichord player's death?
A. Bad Bach Pain.

Q. What do you call a group of rogue Canadians that sails the sea, singing about looting and stealing?
A. 21 Pirates.

Q. How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They can't get up that high.

Q. How are trumpets like pirates?
A. They both murder in the high Cs.

Q. What is the difference between a soprano and a killer whale?
A. The lipstick.

Q. Why are violins smaller than violas?
A. Actually, they're the same size, but the violinist's head is bigger.

Q. What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?
A. The coffin has a corpse inside.

Q. Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument?
A. Because violins don't have spit valves.

Q. Why don't some moms let their young children listen to Beethoven?
A. Because of all the violins.

Q. How do you get a three-piece horn section to play in tune? A. Shoot two of them!Q. Why did the girl who worked at the phone company sing all of the time? A. Because she was an operetta!Q. How can you tell a singer is at your door? A. They can't find the key and they never know when to come in!

Q. Which brass band always stands in a puddle of drool during the Christmas season?
A. The Salivation Army Band.

Brassy Pick-Up Line: Oh baby, you've giving me a real tromboner!

Q. What is a brass player's favorite movie?
A. Gone with the Woodwinds.

Trumpet players do it with three fingers. Tuba players do it with four fingers. But, trombonists do it in seven positions.

Q. Which musical instrument does the uterus play?
A. A fallopian tuba.

Q. What did the guy say after his girlfriend broke up with him for constantly singing Linkin Park songs?
A. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

Q. How do you put a sparkle in a flutist's eye?
A. Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q. What is a hungry beef lover's favorite tasty song lyric?
A. Is it meat you're looking for?

Q. What key do you get when a bugle-playing army officer puts his nose to the grindstone?
A. A Sharp Major.

Q. Why don't suspenders make good singers?
A. Because they don't know how to belt.

Q. What's the definition of a mezzo soprano?
A. Just an alto with a soprano's attitude.

Q. Why was the soprano standing outside the door?
A. She forgot the key.

Q. What's the difference between a dressmaker and a soprano?
A. The dressmaker tucks the frills.

Q. What do vocalists and some baseball players have in common?
A. Being pitch-perfect.

| Music Jokes, Musician Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | Musician Come-Ons |
| Brassy Music Jokes | Chef Tunes and Culinary Beats | Classical Music and Composer Jokes |
| Colorado Music Jokes | Drummer Jokes | Gnome Music Humor | Guitar Jokes | Bad Rap Puns |
| Piano Jokes, Keyboard Puns | Rocking Rock 'N Roll Jokes | Rock Group Puns and Band Jokes |
| Scary Music Jokes | Sci-Fi Music Jokes | Singer, Vocalist, Song Jokes | Sax and Violins Puns |
| Musical Superhero Jokes | Weed Music Jokes | Wild Animal Music Beasts | Xmas Carol LOLs |

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