Q. What would happen if you took the school bus home?
A. The police would make you bring it back!

Q. Why did the cyclops quit his job as a teacher?
A. Because he only had one pupil.

Q. Why did the stressed out teacher close his eyes?
A. Because then there are no pupils to see.

Q. What did scientists confirm after announcing the first photo of a black hole?
A. Once you go black, you never do come back.

Q. How many general relativity physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to rotate the universe.

Q. What did the physicist say when he spotted a dreamy new wave function?
A. Psi.

Q. Why didn't the relationship between the physicist and biologist work out?
A. They realized there was no chemistry.

Q. What is a physicist's favorite dinosaur?
A. Velocity Raptor.

Q. Where do physicists attend church?
A. At the center of mass.

Q. What do you do with a sick chemist?
A. If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Q. Why doesn't anybody trust the Man in the Moon?
A. Because he has a dark side.

Q. Why is the Man in the Moon bald?
A. 'Cause 'e has no 'air.

Q. What do you call a clock on the moon?
A. A lunar-tick.

Q. Which dance do all astronauts know?
A. The Moonwalk!

Discovery of the Century depicted on the cover of TIME.

Q. Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?
A. When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position; when he found the position, he couldn't muster the momentum.

Q. What happened when a new social group for rocket scientists was created?
A. It really took off.

Q.What is a physicist's favorite food?
A. Fission chips.

Physics quote of the day: Anything that doesn't matter has no mass!

Q. What do physicists enjoy doing during favorite sports events?
A. The Wave!

Did you hear about the new book about antigravity? It's impossible to put down.

Trolls are poets and they gno it.

Q. What inspired the Wyoming cattle rancher to write poetry?
A. His moos.

Q. What does a writer say when he's already got plans for the weekend?
A. Sorry, I'm booked.

Q. How did Juliet maintain a constant body temperature?
A. Romeostasis.

A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar. (This joke smarts, in a painful sort of way.)

An anagramist walks into a bar. The bartender asks: "Why the clean fog?"

Q. What is a proof?
A. One-half percent alcohol.

Q. What happens when you mix literature with alcohol?
A. You get: Tequila Mockingbird.

Q. Why can't astronomers find humor in the movement of stars and planets?
A. 'Cause the real jokes are in the comets!

Q. What do moon people do when they get married?
A. They go off on their honey-earth.

Did you hear that scientists now apothesize that cats are actually from Mars? NASA was sent to retrieve a specimen, but Curiousity killed it.

Q. Who wrote last year's hot best seller, My Fire is Gone?
A. Em Burr.

Q. What do planets like to read?
A. Comet books.

Q. Why didn't we ever hear about the book titled Current Trends in Wiring Your Home?
A. It turned out to be a shocking failure.

Q. Which word in the dictionary is a lot longer than it looks?
A. Rubberband – because it stretches!

Smart Tip of the Day: A general rule of grammar is that double negatives are a no-no.

Q. Who did not write the definitive book about musical instruments?
A. Zyl A. Pfhone.

Now, that IS really smart! Just think how scary that jolly green alternative would be!

Q. Who wrote the new fitness book, Weight for Me?
A. Jim Naysium.

Q. Which cowboy author wrote the book, Drinking Up the Old West?
A. Sal Oonz.

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